Millions of deaths could have been avoided via simple discussion...

1979…Dinner with the Husseins…

Saddam: Qusay, I am thinking of invading Iran. What do you think?

Qusay: You’re funny Dad. Pass the chick peas.

Saddam: Ah, you are right. Let’s not. This cous cous is delicious!

1989…Golf outting with the Husseins…

Saddam: Qusay, you remember when I suggested invading Iran? What was I THINKING! Whoa there! Nice shot!

Qusay: Yeah dad, funny stuff that was. 9 iron or pitching wedge to the green?

Saddam: Well what about Kuwait. We could take them in 2 days I think. I will be a glorious empereor over the entire Arab World!

Qusay: These royal golf carts are pretty snazzy. Things are pretty calm around here lately. Let’s pass on the whole “invade Kuwait” thing.

Saddam: Yeah, prob’ly right. I still have you by 3 shots. If you catch me, I will kill you…JUST KIDDING!
(they roll about grasping their sides…Qusay does NOT catch Saddam on the scorecard)

In a similar vein: let’s say the US rolls into Baghdad during Gulf War I. Thus ending the Baath Party’s hold on Iraq and Saddam’s regime (it’s my hypothetical, he’s dead).

Then, there is no need to build bases in Saudi Arabia, and thus no Usama Bin Laden master Bond villainesqe terrorist versus the United States. Or, an Osama Bin Laden for that matter.

Oh, and that last golf bit, very funny. It reminds me of the movie with Sean Connery…Rising Sun??

I agree, bush senior should have rid us of Saddam while he was at it…

The more likely scenario:

1979…Dinner with the Husseins…

Saddam: Qusay, I am thinking of invading Iran. What do you think?


<Qusay runs over and stabs the cook to death with his fork>

Saddam: Well, I thought I could get some advice. On to Iran!

1989…Golf outting with the Husseins…

Saddam: Holy crap, that Iran thing turned out to be a huge mistake. What was I thinking? You know, Qusay, I could have really used your advice on that one. So, Iran didn’t work out, but how about we invade Kuwait? What do you think?

Qusay: AAIIIEEE! I missed that putt!

<Qusay runs over and beats the caddy to death>

Saddam: Qusay! Stop killing people for a moment and listen to me!

Qusay: <thud> What’s that, dad? <thud> What were you asking? <thud>

Saddam: Kuwait. Should we invade them? I think your putter was made there.

Qusay: AAIIIEEE!! <thud>

Saddam and his regime can be a real source of black humor, I’m discovering. Does Saddam really play golf? I hope not.

1949 … dinner with the Husseins

Saddam’s mom: Son, I think that, when you grow up, you should be a firefighter.

Saddam: That sounds really neat, mom. I’ll do it!

*1979…Dinner with the Husseins…

Saddam: Qusay, I am thinking of invading Iran. What do you think?
(Qusay runs over and stabs the cook to death with his fork)*

Wrong son Sam, this really happened…

Uday: (pouting because he was not invited to a high State dinner party.) What? He dared say that Saddam was in bed with that whore? Bring up the car. NOW!

(Uday then drives to the dinner party and walks into the crowded hall of dignitaries and shoots the head chef, a long-time family friend, point blank in the head. Later Saddam Hussein slaps his son Uday in the face.)

Here’s the REAL solution:

July 1936…The Hussein Household…

Elder Hussein: Hey, let’s get it on!
Wife: Not tonight. I have a headache. Besides, I don’t want to conceive a murderous bastard.


Thanks for the good word about Bush senior. As a European, though, why didn’t you guys do it?? Nothing personal toward you, but I get a bit upset when the Europeans gripe about what we DIDN’T do, then gripe about what we end up doing. If you guys took a more active role in things (like taking care of that little Balkan issue back in the '90s), then maybe the US wouldn’t have to be the world’s policeman.

Again, nothing personal, but pls think about this and let me know if you can understand a certain amount of frustration on the part of us Americans.

If Bush I had gone into Baghdad the world community would have exploded. I was against it at the time. I guess it would be like the US just rolling up Syria and Iran while we’re over there…

Hey… :wink:

Oh John,

don’t you know that i’m a crazy pacifist leftist! I oppose any aggression, but i was thinking that while you yankees were there you could have popped that loony dictator! :wink:

Sorry for bum-rushing the hawk social club!

Do you think George Bush Sr. ever turned to Barbara in bed and said…

“You know honey, I’m in the mood for another governor…”

(Barbara was a cutie in 1945!)

I’m very cautious about the whole war thing. But when we go in, I want us to GO IN!! Back in Gulf War I, I reallly wanted us to finish the job. Iraq was a clear aggressor nation. There was no reason to believe the gov’t would change it ways. Now we’re doing the cleanup work. This business with “no fly zones” and inspectors running around the country. Get serious. That cannot go on indefinitely. Maybe we were hoping S.H would kick the bucket.

Another possible solution:

1906…Dinner at the Fords…

Henry Ford Sr.: I’ve been thinking it might be possible to manufacture automobiles for a fraction of the price it costs today.

Henry Ford Jr.: But who would ever want to drive around in an automobile? Those are just rich peoples’ toys. The fad will pass.

Henry Ford Sr.: You’re right, son. Could you imagine, city streets so choked with motorcars that the traffic comes to a standstill? [laughs] Ah, well, let old Rockefeller find somebody else to buy his petroleum distillate. Gas buggies indeed!
(No cars, no big demand for petroleum. No big demand for petroleum, the Middle East remains a poor backwater.)

September 1914:

German official: May we use the roads of Belgium in order to invade France?

King of Belgium: Why, certainly! Just don’t leave any messes.

(The British don’t get involved, Paris fall quickly, a treaty is signed ending the western part of WWI, the Germans win when they duke it out with the Russian (they did so in real life), and Hitler ends up an inexplicably popular painter in Vienna, with no plans on taking control in Germany.)

This ought to be called “the alternate history thread” Actually, that’s one of my favorite forms of speculative fiction.

Same with me, Baker.

boliding mine
Oh, goody! A bonus! Quick, someone invent a time machine and set the date for September 1, 1914…:smiley: