Minding my friends business-advice wanted

Factual Questions
1

An old friend showed up on our doorstep a while back and shacked up here for a couple three four months. Seems he had a smallish legal problem in another state and rather than solve it, he just came on back to his old home state. He had an arraignment but skipped out on the court date. We put him up for a while but he became seriously depressed about his inability to find a job for fear that the unsolved legal problem would find him. I tried reasoning with him- ‘face it now- you’re not working, have no place to stay, what better time to face this thing and get it over with’ kind of advice. No go.

We sent him off to his Mom- hey, who else loves ya so!

Well, it seems that at Mom’s he didn’t really address the legal problem either. I think she may have run out of patience with him. I know she sent him to the Doc for a check up and for some counseling, but I guess it didn’t suit him. He showed back here, and we put him up for a short while. I dropped him off at the airport this morning. He’s going to visit someone else for a while with few plans for the future.

I’m frustrated for my friend. I have little expectations of him and only hope he finds his way in life to be happy. However, I can see that as long as his friends and family take him in for a while here and there, he really has little incentive to solve the legal problem and get on with his life. He has a few bucks put away (not that he offered any of them for staying here- LOL) which to my way of thinking would be helpful in solving that pesky legal problem. But we don’t really think alike on that issue.

I had a dream about calling the cops on him and forcing him to deal with the problem, but I would not really do that to him (or would I?). During this last visit he seemed sneaky and evasive to me. He does not to my knowledge have a drug or alcohol problem. I’m not interested in running a home for wayward adults and will most likely not let him stay here next time he shows up. It’s disruptive to our family life even if he is helpful around the house. I am wondering if he is being truthful (or how truthful he is being) with us. Is there anyway to find out what exactly his crime was. Should I bother?

I’m thinking that just cutting him off is the best thing to do at this point. Do you agree?

2

Court records are public information. For a small fee (less than $200 or so) you can have a search run on him in the courthouse where he used to live and get copies of any complaints filed against him. Start by calling the clerk of the court in the city/county where you think the legal troubles exist.

3

Well, that was good advice. I called the county clerk and she told me the charge and disposition (for free- woo hoo). She said it was a misdemeanor and that no warrant has been issued. She said even if he was located in another place, it was unlikely that they would want him back. He told the (mostly) truth about it and it’s not that big a deal. I guess he’s just a slacker (although his jail experience sounded pretty awful). I guess the next time he shows up, I’ll require that he get a job and get on his feet if he wants to stay here, or move along.

4

This is often true for misdemeanors, but if warrant issues, he could get arrested anywhere that knows about the warrant. Then, he’ll likely sit in jail for a while as someone else decides what to do with him. It sounds like your friend is setting himself up for a lot more trouble than he ought to have.

5

You said yourself that your friend is depressed. If you want to help him, encourage him to get treatment. His depression may be preventing him from dealing with his other problems.