hehehe.
My gf has a very nice behind. (and front and sides) She cut the pockets (liner) out of a pair of very snug pants to make them look better. As we were walking, I innocently slid my hand into her back pocket. What a pleasant surprise. 
Hey, babycakes!
Toilet paper dispensers in public restrooms. Why design these things like a fucking puzzle box that dispenses only a half sheet at a time? Is it part of some conspiracy to make every stall in the world resemble a giant hamster cage?
But I don’t want to, because this is how it will go:
“Have him call me at such a time.”
He calls back.
“Do you know about <thing>?”
Him: “Not yet. Let me call you back.” :smack:
Err, I know what an ATM is, and I know how debit works. My point is that, at least here in Canada, the two have always been the same card. The cards which were our ATM cards before Interac came into our lives magically became debit cards when debit started. Someone got called an asshole for not knowing the difference between two things, when in my experience, there is no difference.
Depends on the person and the context. If I’m calling a friend I expect to eventually be able to reach in person ‘It’s Jacquilynne, calling about dinner on Friday, 416 398 ####’ is fine. But I’m rarely available to answer the phone during working hours, and that’s true of many of the people I work with, as well. If we need something done that can be described in a minute or two, it’s easier to just leave it on voice mail than to spend hours or days playing telephone tag. ‘Please update the WWCOA and send it to Jim at the COC, because he needs to set up CFT for the UAT on CMI’ might be a perfectly comprehensable message to someone I’m calling, but not to someone who is simply recording a message for someone else.
In reality, these days, we use email for most of those things, so it’s no longer an issue. But back when we did call each other for those things, leaving simple requests on voice mail was very common.
I used to have a job where telling someone other than our client who was calling was considered a breach of confidentiality. We weren’t permitted to leave messages on answering machines or voice mail that didn’t clearly indicate the name of the person we were calling and only that name - ‘You’ve reached Sara at #######’ was fine, but ‘You’ve reached Bob and Sara’ or ‘You’ve reached #######’ was not. Leaving a message with another person, even ‘Jacquilynne from Y called, please call her back at #######’ wasn’t permitted.
I know it, but I’m not him and I just have to do the best I can! I’ll try to jot down the details if you really want me to. 
DITTO DITTO DITTO
My own:
EVERY teacher my fifth grade son has gives vocabulary quizzes on Friday. We literally spend two hours every night just studying vocabulary. That’s in addition to his other homework. Plus, he STILL fails most of the quizzes. I wish they would just give him worksheets or specific assignments to practice with, and expect him to do more than just memorize the words (like write out sentences, or make up stories, or do crossword puzzles, or draw pictures).
His English teacher gives him IMPOSSIBLE words to learn. Fifth grade vocabulary should include words that are used everyday by the average person with a college degree. That does not include writhe and callous. Furthermore, she gives them definitions to memorize for these words that are not really the words’ common definitions. For example, she provides the definition “placed in certain circumstances” for situated, and “to declare to be wrong” for condemned. Last week, she had verbal definitions for nouns (upholstery=“To fit furniture with coverings, cushioning, springs, etc.”), nominal definitions for past participles (scowled=“A lowering of the brows, as in anger”), and verbal definitions for adjectives (fossilized=“A remnant or trace of an organism of a past geological age, preserved in the earth’s crust”). (She apparently took my complaints about this to heart, and actually identified the parts of speech for the words this time around, and got most of them correct.) Then some of the definitions include words that are at least as complicated as the word they are supposed to learn. (systematic=“carried out or acting with thoroughness or regularity”).
Yes, its a beard. I’m growing a fucking beard. It is on my face and I am not surprised that you see it nor ashamed.
So while looking at me you grab your own chin and say,“What’s this?” I find it neither clever nor amusing.
I get tired of it so I’ve invented my own game. It goes like this.
** Idiot aquaintance:** {looking at Bubbadog and grabbing their own chin} “What’s This?”
Bubbadog: “Why that’s your chin! Fun game! My turn!” {Bubbadog grabs his own earlobe in in his best kindergarten teacher voice} “Now what’s THIS!”
Idiot aquaintance: {Somewhat embarrassed} “That’s your earlobe”
Bubbadog: {Teacher voice} Good for You! You get a star!
You asked, I answered. In Canada, they’ve always been the same. Here in the states, they haven’t. Perhaps you could have said, “gee that’s funny. Here in Canada, they’ve always been the same card.”
Oh, Anne Neville, you read my mind! I was desperately in need of a mini pit rant today!
People who ask a favor, which you’re happy to grant, but who are then rude or unappreciative on receipt of the favor:
Last night, a friend who lives out in the boonies and who had errands to run in town today asked whether he could spend the night on the sofa. Sure! No problem! Around nine p.m., my friend decided to go meet someone for coffee. I told him to just let himself in if he returned late. Again, no problem, since the dog knows him and won’t bark/attack. Around midnight, I decided it was time to sleep, which was a big “Yay!” moment, since I’ve had killer insomnia lately. I left pillows and blankets on the couch, turned on the lamp, and went to bed. By Midnight-thirty, I had been asleep for five or ten minutes. Sofa Friend came in, calling my name as soon as he opened the front door, asking “First Lady of Infinity, are you asleep?!” Naturally, my reply was “Not anymore!” He apologized, and I tried to go back to sleep. Half an hour later, I had finally dozed off again, when I hear my name… “First Lady of Infinity, do you know where the TV remote is?” GRRRRRRRR! NO! I do NOT know where the bleepity-bleeping-bleep the bleeping remote might be! But when I find it, I’m gonna shove it up your BLEEP! :mad: (And, to top it all off, my phone rang at 8:26 this morning. Anyone who knows me at all knows that someone better be on fire if they call me before 10:00 AM. I might be awake, but I won’t be coherent, I won’t be chatty, and I won’t be real happy if you call me at ugly morning hours. Naturally, the phone call was for Sofa Friend.)
Then, the second time the phone rang today, it was another friend, calling to gripe about being unemployed and broke, which brings me to Mini Rant #2: People who don’t understand reasonable personal boundaries: Okay, it was after ten o’clock, and the venting might be legitimate, but here’s the backstory: The friend is unemployed because she was working for a two-car taxicab company until last week, and she totaled “her” cab last week… by rear-ending a police car… and the cab company belongs to my parents… (And I won’t even tell you how far she was already “in dutch” with the folks even before the wreck, since that’s between the friend and the folks.) So I’m thinking “Hey, babe! You just totaled 1/2 of my parents’ total business assets. Maybe you ought to be out looking for work instead of griping about not having a job?” (Maybe my anger is a little bit of misplaced guilt: The folks wouldn’t have offered her the job had she not been my friend. Thus the business disaster is partly my fault? No, not really… but a little bit.) And another little hint? If you’re working for your friend’s parents, you might consider laying off the calling of friend to gripe about your bosses! I agree that they’re sometimes a little unreasonable (as in, they’ll drive you freakin’ crazy some days!), but they’re my parents, for pity’s sake!
And, sort of in-line with “People who write checks,” but not exactly the same: People who are apparently surprised that they’re expected to pay for items at a retail store:
I don’t know about you, but if I find myself in line at the grocery store, or the mass marketer, or what have you, I take that opportunity to get out my wallet/money/checkbook/whatever form of legal tender I plan to exchange for merchandise. If, on rare occasions, I decide to write a check, I’ll even fill in the store name, date, memo, and signature while I’m waiting, and get out my ID while I’m at it. Simple – just fill in the amount when I get a total and hand check & ID to the cashier. Why, oh why, though, do so many people wait until their stuff is in bags and in the cart before they start fumbling around for their wallet/money/checkbook/legal tender? Are they shocked to learn that they won’t be presented those items for free? Do they assume that the checkout line is just there to keep track of the gifts being offered by the retailer? Are they having George H. W. Bush moments, being mesmerized by the UPC scanners and high-tech stuff? Or were they just dropped on their heads frequently as children?
(On preview – What Anaamika said.)
Kyo Kara Maoh, dvd 3:
Screw you!
Your website says your release date is 9/6, amazon.com says your release date is 9/6, but are you being shipped to my house? No! It clearly says on my order page on Amazon.com that you ‘will be’ ‘delivered’ by 9/6/05. Guess what day it is and it’s still not moved to actually shipped?
I don’t even like anime of that type and yet when I bought the first dvd on a whim I became hooked and now I anxiously await a dvd that may or may not ever be sent to me.
I curse whoever has planned this horrible trick on me to forever feel the hope and anticipation that I feel now only to forever be met with disappointment!
The green thing in the Apple I just ate:
I think you were half of a worm. Ergh!
My Cat:
Stop attacking me you fuzzy psychopath! I am not your prey!
It was cute the first few times. “Oh look at the kitty get in her little cat tent and peek at me from the tent hole with her big bright eyes.” Little did I know you would then be lunging at me like a demented knife-clawed jack-in-the-box!
Stop it! You scare me. 
ATM card, debit card, who gives a F*. Their convenient, their fast, their easy. Get your ass out of the stone age and learn to use one.
Checks are for writing your electric and water bills and sending them in the mail. Your checkbook should never leave the house.
Every time I see another restaurant or retail store with a sign that says “Sorry, as of February 2005 we no longer accept personal checks” I jump for joy.
I am not a mind reader, parts iv & v:
People who are told the person they’re calling is on another line and ask “do you know how long she’ll be?” I bite my tongue before “Why of course, it’ll be another 4 minutes and 16 seconds” comes out.
When someone I work with pages someone and just leaves the office number, without telling anyone else “I’ve paged so-and-so”, and of course, So-and-So calls back exasperated at me because I don’t know who paged him.
Certain cow-orkers…
…particularly those who can’t seem to leave me in peace while I’m “at lunch” (which I must have at my desk, since I can’t afford to eat at restaurants every day and we don’t have a lunchroom), but come in and ask me to do something work-related for them while I’m eating and/or reading. Yeah, I guess I could just close my door, but they do know that I’m at lunch at the same time every day.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
I am also the owner of psycho pussy. Now when the cat attacks me, I fight back. My cat and I get into fights all the time.
Well you did say minor. Here are some, mostly about food.
People who make sandwiches or deli-wraps not cracking the spines of the lettuce leaves, making it hard to hold the sandwich together.
The same people above who think a tuna sandwich has to have at least two ice-cream scoops of tuna.
Portion sizes!!! A lot of the menu choices at the deli across the street seem to be aimed at Brobdingagians. Or at least people who don’t mind opening their belts out another notch. Couldn’t they have an option of a smaller size and charge a little less money? Oh no, of course they can’t, because people are paying for the bigger size anyhow and not finishing it.
A deli where there is only ONE trash receptacle and napkins are only behind the counter. You can get more but you have to ask for them.
Workplaces that don’t have their own lunch rooms, which is why I spend so much time in the above. The only way to get away from your desk is to go out to eat.
But…the claws! :eek:
Does yours gnaw energetically on your shoulder when you try to give it hugs?
I’d count myself as a nitwit, then. Compare my average experience with both methods:
Method 1: Leaving a voicemail
JerH: Hi, is X there?
Receptionist: No, he’s out. Would you like his voicemail?
JerH: Yes, thank you.
X’s Message: Hi, this is X, etc.
JerH: Hi, this is Jeremy H, called from Blah Blah Company, and I wanted to check on that quote you were doing for the steel widgets; the reference number is AB123. Call me back at 123-456-7890.
Total time: Approx. 45 seconds
Method 2: Leaving a message
JerH: Hi, is X there?
Receptionist: No, he’s out. Can I take a message.
JerH: OK. This is Jeremy H, calling from…
R: Hold on - can you spell that?
JerH: J-E-R-E-M-Y, H-X-X-X-X-X-X.
R: Hold on…OK, go on.
JerH: I’m calling from Blah Blah Company…
R: Is that Blah with one or two A’s?
JerH: B-L-A-H, B-L-A-H Company…
R: OK…
JerH: And I’m calling about quote number A-B-1-2-3…
R: Slow down…OK
JerH: And he can call me back at 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-0.
R: OK, I’ll have him call you.
Total Time: About 2 minutes, and I’ll still get callbacks asking for “Jaimie.”
It’s grass.
[Non-technical possibly slighty wrong laymen’s terms] It germinates this time of year before going dormant for the winter, thereby spewing grass pollen thingys into the air and causing many people to have a whole new allergy-funfest, complete with snotty runny noses and itchy eyes. [/n-tpswlt]
I feel your pain. I’ve been living on Sudafed for weeks.
I can’t wait for that first hard frost.
The cat doesn’t exactly “gnaw,” but he indeed bites and scratches completely unprovoked. The little shit is trying to be smart now. Sometimes he bites me, then runs outside through the kitty door so I can’t kick his sorry ass. Freeloadin’ cat is biting the hand that feeds him. All this talk is making me want to go backhand the little bastard right now.
Nope, you aren’t a nitwit. Scenerio 1. Receptionist sent you to voicemail. Problem solved. Scenerio 2. You didn’t ask for voicemail after the receptionist asked for a message. The nitwits are the ones who, after I’ve said “they aren’t here, can I take a message” insist on asking if we have voicemail If we had it, I’d have sent you to it. That’s my problem… I don’t mind voicemail. In fact, I love voicemail. I wish my office had voicemail. I’d much rather leave a message with a machine than a person most of the time. I don’t like being treated like an inconvienence, though. That is my problem.
LoPoYPDNCaEoMP. “Lack of Planning on Your Part Does Not Constitute an Emergency on My Part”. Do not come to me with a task that needs to be done ASAP that you knew about and actually could’ve informed me of last week. Especially when there are necessary sub-tasks (which you also haven’t done) completely out of my control that tend to have long turnaround times.
Software that doesn’t do what I want it to. I hate running across limitations. I’m trying to do something, and come across command X in the documentation that appears to do what I want. Then I come across this: “Please note: command X cannot be used in situation Y”. Dammit, I’m in situation Y. (this is a pretty lame rant, since there are perfectly valid reasons for it not to work in situation Y, and workarounds that get mostly the same result, I just don’t have to like it).
Yes, cat, that’s called outside. I understand you may still be a little disoriented from our move from a small apartment with few windows (most with the view blocked by trees, bushes, or the balcony railing) to a house with large windows. However, that stuff outside the window has been there as-is for the past two months. Sitting on the sill and yowling at (I assume) that blade of grass is slightly annoying at best. And it’s very annoying when you do it in my bedroom at two in the morning.
Phew, I think that helped a bit. Thanks.