Mini rants

The BBQ Pit
561

To the entitled cunt sitting at the table across from my desk:

I knew you were an entitled cunt when I saw that your brought your child with you. This is the special collections part of the library. The part where rare, valuable, fragile, and one-of-a-kind items are kept. Your child may have the touch of a neurosurgeon, but my hackles were already raised.

Then you ask the manuscript curator about copying an old book for your dissertation. The entire book. The book was published in 1938, which is well within copyright protection status. “But it’s for a dissertation” does not cut it with us. We have many people come here all the time for dissertation/thesis/book materials and they all understand that they are going to have to do their own work in annotating as much as they can while they’re here. Maybe because they take the time to hire a babysitter before doing dissertation research with irreplaceable materials.

I hope you have plenty of time to get your Ph.D., honey, because if you don’t leave the kid at home when you need to research it’s going to take you at least 30 years.

562

Listen up you big blue motherfuckers. I need a graphics card. I need a graphics card TODAY. Not three months from now, not next year, not in three weeks. NOW. I need the fucking thing YOU forgot to put in the pSeries server I ordered earlier this year. What the fuck! I need to be able to use the server, you stumbling, muttering suckers of syphillitic goat cocks. I want my graphics card.

I swear to everything I hold dear I will never buy another IBM product as long as I live.

563

To the folks who make the MSI Wind: Please, please stop jerking us around with your flipflopping on price, specs, and release dates.

You started out with a quote of $450, stock, releasing on June 16. XP and linux versions.

Things got pushed out the door July 13 or so with a half-arsed 3-cell battery version priced up to $470 instead of the 6-cell battery originally specced and advertised. I understand that there might be global battery shortages, but for pete’s own sake, there are better ways to handle the situation.

It’s now August 1 and $599 for the 6-cell XP version that a few retailers might have. :mad:

I hear that the 6-cell linux version might even come with its own unicorn, no set release date.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m seriously considering going to your competitors at ASUS who at least hit their release dates on time and didn’t jerk us around on pricing. :frowning:

Feh. The sad thing is, I still want the Wind.

564

I’m keeping this thread open right now so that I can have the collective power of Dopers behind me when I go off a la Otaku’s invisible rhesus monkey. This’ll be worse than anything any pussy pink monkey can handle.

See, I’m on hold with the gas co. They came and shut my gas off a week ago because the previous tenants have an outstanding bill. I called the gasheads MYSELF the week we moved here and had things switched into my name. Somewhere along the line, someone didn’t do their job and so things got messed up.

So. The day they shut the gas off, my husband straightened things out with them or so we thought. Since they couldn’t turn it back on that day, even though the gas person was gone no more than two minutes by the time it got squared, (this was Monday) we had to wait until today for someone to come out and turn it back on. We’ve been waiting, and nobody showed. We’ve been here all day, out in the front yard. When my husband called to find out when they were coming, they had the unmitigated gall to tell us that someone had already been there and couldn’t do anything for some unstated reason. THEN they tell us that they couldn’t do anything anyway because the account was in collections.

WTF?! Bullshit! I’ve had cold showers for a week because they fucked up and now they’re telling me that they’ll investigate, but won’t turn the gas back on until they’re satisfied that I am not the former tenant, and they don’t have any idea how long that will take.

OH FUCK NO YOU DON’T.

So I’m busy escalating, barely keeping my temper in check, and as it stands right now, cold showers are in my immediate future. Uh uh. It is not up to me to prove that I’m not someone else. I did my part. I will not lay down and say, “Thank you sirs, may I have another?” If they had noticed their fuck up a week into things, that would have been far easier to take care of, instead they wait almost three months to give me this shit? I don’t think so. The PUC will hear about it. Also, if they do not resolve this to my satisfaction TODAY, I will turn the gas on myself. They can take me to court or arrest me. I have nothing going on right now that a couple of days in the clink will interrupt (besides my personal happiness) and at least that way I’ll get a judge to listen to their incompetence.

Ok. The supervisor just called me back and says they’ll have someone out tomorrow to turn it back on while they do their investigation. I can live with that. I told her that if they don’t show up again tomorrow, that I will turn the gas on myself and that the letter to the PUC I’m drafting will go all kinds of places and that I had no trouble going to jail or court, whichever it takes. Her only response to that was a very cold and snippy, “I’ll have someone out there tomorrow.”

Fuckin’ A right, you will.

565

Are you implying your problems are worse than Otakus?

566

OH HELL NO. NONO! I was riffing on his pink monkey not giving him the punch that he needed, and that the rhesus monkey was more effective.

Oh wow. No, that’s not what I meant at all.

Holy jeez, OtakuLoki. I’m sorry if that’s what that sounded like. I was trying to paint a picture of me gibbering like your first monkey, that’s all. I’ve been following your story, and FWIW, silently cheering you on from here. You’ve been having a mound of suck, and I’m sorry.

567

But but but…
How can you get a good gibbering fit from a dead invisible monkey? :smiley:
Seriously, I was giggling pretty hard when I saw you trying to use one of my monkeys. Thanks for the good thoughts, and it’s fun to hear that you wanted to use one of my invisible rhesus monkeys.

This ain’t a contest. And I sure as shit don’t want to be known as ‘that guy with the worst problems in the Mini-rants thread.’ Just get your ire out, however you can. And if using my monkeys, dead or alive, helps you keep functioning, I’ll be glad to sell you a few more.
ETA: Cold sprays of water don’t make for happy gibbering monkeys, though - so I hope you get your gas on tomorrow. Can’t have anything interfering with the monkey’s fits.

568

Cool. Misread your intent.

569

While walking out of the bathroom at the mall and walking down the hallways right outside them, I stepped out of the way for a woman approaching me, and my hand brushed the wall.

Only to find the spot my hand brushed was covered in thick, yellowish loogie.

That’s right, some no-class disgusting asshole hocked up a loogie and spit it right on the wall where anyone could come in contact with it! God, thinking about it makes me want to vomit all over again! Why the fuck would someone do that!? I had to rush back and wash my hands like crazy, it was so utterly disgusting! I feel sick all over again…

570

If my roommate’s kid doesn’t outgrow the whining stage tout suite, I’m going to ship him to the nearest DMZ.

571

I went for a seven-mile hike yesterday, the first time in about a year I’d hiked more than a mile or two, to say nothing of the 1500-foot altitude change. It was great and reminded me why I like hiking, plus the view from the top was fantastic.

Today my shins are unbelievably sore, because apparently I don’t use them as much as I should when I run and definitely not at all when I bike. And I’ve been lazy today and have just been sitting around, which I know will just make it worse.

Goddamn flawed human body.

572

We have been pretty antsy, lately, what with my father’s on-again, off-again surgery that is currently on the schedule for today, sometime this morning. Without wanting to get into all the drama, which includes such stock characters as the hot, helpful female internal medicine doctor; the arrogant neurosurgery resident who makes decisions without ever talking to the family or the patient, and who claims that there’s no rush on the shunt replacement surgery, because it’s obviously working (Based on what evidence, numbnuts?); the freaked out loved ones of the patient who are either freaking out, or barely keeping in control as they try to get the surgery that was supposed to have been done a week ago back onto the schedule. I’m not sure whether it’s a black comedy or a tragedy, but it’s sure been wearing.

What we don’t need, Dad, right now, is you calling at 4:30 AM and asking us if the doctors have talked to us. What we really, really don’t need is you calling at 4:30 to ask use if the doctors have talked to us, and then falling asleep halfway through the phone call. And the follow-up call at 5:00 AM isn’t doing much either. At least you didn’t fall asleep for this one.

On the plus side, the invisible pink monkey is doing a nice gibbering fit for me, right now.

More seriously, he’s on the surgery schedule for this morning, and as of 4:45 he’s not been taken off, so we’re hoping it’s going to happen today. Then we get to wait to see whether it leads to any improvement. I’d like to specifically request any prayers that people might be able to manage for his surgery and recovery. Both that the surgery will finally happen, and that we will see a benefit from it.

Thanks to everyone who has offered support and sympathy through all this.

573

He’s back off the surgery list. For “kidney problems.” Which would be completely understandable, if he hadn’t had a nephrology consult Friday, clearing him for surgery. When we go in, I am either going to see/hear evidence that the kidney function numbers have changed dramatically over the weekend, or I am going to take a head or three.

574

Or, we’ll get to the hospital at 9 AM, and be told he’s back on the surgery list for today.

I take a great deal of pleasure in imagining that the head neurosurgery resident got his head chewed off by the neurosurgeon who had planned the surgery. (And who had been out of town for this past weekend.)

The single most infuriating this of this whole past week was being told, second-hand, that the neurosurgery resident thought that my father’s surgery was elective - since it was obvious that he shunt was working. And that we should expect a talking-to from the neurosurgery team about what reasonable expectations might be.

Which was pretty odd, since the practicing neurosurgeon was pretty optimistic about the effect a revised shunt would have on my father.

But, of course, this seventh year resident knew what was going on, and didn’t need to bother with such mundane details as, say, getting a history from the family. So we were the unreasonable ones. :rolleyes:

Anyways, Saturday we’d been told that my dad was on for surgery today. And that remained the case yesterday. Then, like I said, first thing this morning he’s kicked back off the surgery list.

Which was when I decided I was going to collect heads if there wasn’t a change since Friday to put my father out of the running for a surgery.

I don’t know who was saved this morning by the change that happened before we got in this morning. But someone was. Either the neurosurgical resident or me.

At any rate, my father has had surgery today, after all. And we just got back from seeing him in post-op recovery. He’s coherent, and conscious. And both my mother and I felt that he was making longer and more complex sentences when he spoke than he had been. (When he’s been having trouble doing more than “yes” or “no” in response to strictly limited questions, having him say, “can I get some ice chips?” really sounds great.) I’ll grant that this perception may be wishful thinking, but - it seems that the bleed off conduit for the shunt had become blocked, somehow. So that got replaced today, too. Which offers one possible explanation for why my father’s condition got so bad so quickly.

But the rat-fucker resident tried to tell us, through a third party, that the shunt was working - so we didn’t have to worry. But he didn’t put this opinion in any of the charts. Just wanted us to shut up.

sigh Instead of getting mad at the rat-fucker, I really just want to say that things are finally looking up. Here’s hoping my father can come back.

575

Best wishes on your father’s recovery Otakuloki!

This just happened…

I pulled up to the drive through window of a Tim Hortons to get 2 Ice Caps (An iced coffee drink).

The way they have laid out their parking lot means that you have to drive through a maze of parked cars to get to their Order intercom. I didn’t want to navigate that rats nest so I just drove up to the window. Where I was politely told to drive around and use the intercom, as it would be faster. You mean I can’t give my order here?" I asked. “Please just use the speaker.” I was told.

So I drove around the building, waiting for pedestrians, cars parking and leaving and such.

When I got to the intercom, there was a sign on it that said “Out of Order, please proceed to window!” It wasn’t a new sign either, it was weathered and looked as if it had been there a few days, at least.

When I got to the window (the one I had started at) I asked for the manager, and told her what had happened. She just stood there doing the “Nodding and smiling” and said:“Oh well, can I take your order now!”

GRRRR.

If I hadn’t promised a guest at home an Ice Cap… I would have just driven off…

regards
FML

576

There is a toilet in our building with a automatic flush. Fine. But the sensor is somehow misconfigured. So, every time I lean forward to, uh, you know, the damned toilet flushes. I can’t use the toilet without getting my ass wet. Fix it!!!

ETA: yes, normally I use a different toilet. But after a while I forget which one it is.

577

No, it’s not raining. This is Cincinnati in the summer, it’s just that humid. Maybe 130, 140%.

578

How not to piss off the person who’s retrieving materials for you:

  1. Believe her when she says that you need to fill out a new registration form. All our forms are cleared out at the end of July. It is now August.

  2. Do not heave great gusty sighs as you fill out your new registration form. I am the one who enters them into the database and trust me, one form is not as irritating as the hundreds I enter a year.

  3. Do not shove your faculty id in my face. Yes. You’re faculty. I don’t care. You’re not the only faculty member who uses this place. Most of them are nicer, or at least civil.

  4. Do not name-drop. I don’t care if the head of the department knows you’re up here. He probably doesn’t care either.

  5. Don’t tell me where the supplies are. I’m the one who put them there.

  6. Don’t expect quick turnaround on your copy time with that attitude. I will be sure to take a long time to find the exact slip I need to copy your materials and I may mess them up a couple of times. I may forget you’ve been here and lose your form if you don’t act right. Remember, I am the one who fills in the database.

579

I was at my desk when I got a call from XYZ company. The guy is in his delivery truck on his cell with my order outside the building. Cool! I just ordered those compression hoses yesterday and the guy is hand delivering them. He wants to know what door to come to (huge facility) to get them to me. I give him the door number closest to my office and tell him I’ll be there in a sec. For whatever reason my badge doesn’t work on this door so I bring a small box to prop open the door so I can get back in.
I prop the door open and walk 10 feet to the guy waiting in his truck. I thank him and am signing for the delivery. Meanwhile another employee is walking from their car to go inside. So what do they do? Open the door, push the box to the side, and let the door slam behind them.
WTF!!! Tell me you did not just do that! Mother fucker, I was standing 10 feet away signing for a package! Why the fuck do you think the door was propped open dipshit! Now I have to trek around the outside of the building (1/4 mile) to get back in. You little fucker, you’re lucky I didn’t see your face or I’d be tracking you down once I got inside to slap some sense into you. Dick!

580

How come bus riders in the DC area are so fucking stupid? Always wasting the driver’s time with lame-assed questions. Learn to read a map (something which should be required for elementary school graduation!) The bus schedules and routes are right there at wmata.com. Do some fucking research. Hell, I got around Stockholm and Prague by public transit; can’t speak either language, but never got lost and never needed to ask anybody for directions (and didn’t see the locals asking either. Americans must really be stupider than Europeans.