Japanese ATMs. They haven’t comprehended what the “A” stands for yet. They close every day at around 8 pm. (Better than my previous location, where they closed at FIVE.)
I have a song for you:
Don’t thank me. Thank Jonathan Larson.
I got a good one this morning… I was driving down Masonic, a five lane thoroughfare that connects the residential neighborhoods to downtown. It’s about 7:55. I’m in the curb lane heading north, and we’re inexplicably stopped. The guy two cars ahead of me in my lane is attempting to make a U-turn.
I swear, if there’s one thing worse than asshole drivers, it the people who let them get away with it.
All the northbound lanes fucking stop for him, and he apparently got the southbound lanes to stop as well, since I heard no crunching behind me as I could finally get to the end of the block.
HEAR HEAR! Maybe people would stop zooming past the line of traffic waiting if they didn’t know that some person of questionable intelligence is guaranteed to let them in. Maybe it’s a club, and asshole drivers are all members, and they’re the ones letting each other in.
Hey you! Cruddy skank at Burger King. Do you understand what “no tomatoes” means? It means NO FUCKING TOMATOES. It does not mean “throw two slices of that vile fruit on top of the burger.” It especially does not mean “throw two juicy slices of that vile fruit on the burger, ensuring that I will have to scrap tomato goo off of the lettuce.” It means NO FUCKING TOMATOES. NONE. ZERO. LESS THAN ONE. NO TOMATOES ANYWHERE NEAR MY FOOD IN UNPROCESSED FORM.
Choke on your nasty tomatoes you bitch. Next time I’m going to drive all the way back to your place of business and throw those horrible things at you.
What the hell is it with staplers, anyway?
They’re always broken. You spend half an afternoon doing surgery with letter openers and straightened-out paperclips, and whaddaya know - tomorrow, it’ll be broken again.
Especially the heavy-duty one.
You just gotta give 'em motivation. Me, after I perform surgery on a stapler I give it a nice fat OxyContin prescription and a wink. Sure, it takes a little downtime–not to mention all the clinic visits!–but overall it’s a much happier stapler, and well, a happy stapler is a productive stapler.
I’m starting to wonder just how it gets all those staples! It seems to get boxes and boxes of them out of nowhere. And the prescriptions have been running down pretty fast, too. Hrmm…
“Pure as the driven snow” does NOT mean pure! Snow that has been driven on is sullied. It was originally said as sarcasm.
Psst…driven snow is driven by the wind, not driven on by cars. See here.
I pit people who think that their way of paying, by cash, credit card, or shiny glass beads, is the only acceptable method, and that everyone else must have exactly the same circumstances and needs when it comes to their money. How about a little financial tolerance, people?
If we start tolerating finances as a society, then before we know it, the traditional definition of money will be breaking down, and won’t someone think of the children?!?
Cash can’t even have children. The parts just don’t fit! We need to excise this abomination from our soceity immediately, before it jeopardizes the great American institution of debt.
I liive in apartment complex, and have a subscription to a newspaper. Before the Christmas break, it came everyday like clockwork. I went on break, and put the paper on hold. Over the break, we also got new neighbors. When I come back, I’m not getting a paper. Did the paper company screw up? are my neighbors stealing it? Well, I’m able to get it on Sundays, so I suspect the neighbors are stealing it. I ask them about it, and of course they deny it.
I’m sure someone’s stealing it. I my just have to get up early one of these days, to catch them in the act.
I pit those who speak in the imperative, when a simple request is just as easy and may, in fact, be more effective.
“Sit down” instead of “Please take a seat”. You get the idea. It is a way of trying to assume power in a conversation, and it drives me up a wall. I guess that I have to suck it up when my bosses use it, but I have started the habit of correcting people when they do it, and looking like a pedant. I work with a woman who has far less experience than I do. I’ll say something like “I’ll check on that and get back to you”, and she’ll respond, “Yes, check on that and get back to me.” So I’ll say something like “I thought that was what I just said?” and she’ll just repeat her statement, as though her giving orders invests her with more authority.
And the worst? The one that curls my toes and makes me cringe and sours my view of humanity?
Wait for it…
“Enjoy!”
I know that it is meant kindly, and I can’t bring myself to say anything but “Thank you”. But dammit, if I’m in a restaurant and I order something and someone puts a plate in front of me and commands me to “Enjoy”, all I want to do is tell them that it’s really my decision, and not theirs. If I go to a family restaurant, and if I am served by the proprietor or a member of the family, I can understand it because their is some personal pride involved, but other than that it is just a banal statement that is usually thrown over the shoulder while the waitperson is on their way back to the kitchen.
I can see your point, Plynck. My supervisor at work has the habit of telling me everything I HAVE to do. “You’ll have to phone them.” “You have to process this.” “You have to do this do that blahblahblah…” She’s a nice lady, and we basically get along fine, but I am just about muttering under my breath every time I get a “have to” - “I don’t HAVE to. I will choose to, because I want to keep working here and getting paid, but I’m not a slave.” The difference between “You have to do this.” and “Could I get you to do this?” might not seem like much, but when you are the peon taking the order, it’s night and day.
Bicyclists who bike on the sidewalk when there’s a DESIGNATED BIKE LANE ON THE STREET need to be shot!! I’m fucking tired of moving out of the way of an oncoming bike, AND INTO THE MUD just because they have to hog the sidewalk! There’s a perfectly good bike lane on the street but of course, you must bike on the sidewalk and shout “MOVE!” when you’re right behind me. Sidewalks are for PEOPLE! Bike lanes are for bicyclists! If you’re a kid, then biking on the sidewalk is ok with me, but when you’re a fucking adult, use the lane that’s designated for you! Why should pedestrians move on the sidewalk when that’s where we’re supposed to be?? I’m very tempted at this point to throw a stick into a biker’s wheel the next time I see one…
I pit people who can’t maneuver the sidewalk. If I’m standing a bit off the sidewalk, away from the street, it leaves plenty of room for people to walk, and I can be visible as I wait for the bus. I’m not a jerk who stands in the middle of the sidewalk, so I try to stand off to the side of the sidwalk. I always pick a side of the sidewalk to stand on, but there’s ALWAYS a person who HAS to bump into me. Is it too fucking hard for you to walk in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk? Can you not steer yourself as you’re walking? Can your brain comprehend distances at all you dumbfuck!? I’m tired of being jostled by people who can’t navigate a nearly empty sidewalk!!
Deserving of their very own Pit thread: People who won’t take the Right-Of-Way when they have it.
It’s called “Right-Of-Way” for a reason, fuckwad! And it’s yours! Take it! Don’t sit there waving me on, looking confused. I’m not going anywhere till you do, shithead.
And conversely: It’s my Right-Of-Way. And I’m taking it. Don’t wave me on and smile like a nincompoop. Fuck you. I KNOW I get to go. Don’t act like you’re doing me a favor.
Last Tuesday, I grumbled about someone stealing my lunch. Well, it’s happened again today. Appropriate steps will be taken and I have the support of the CEO, HR, and our plant manager.
By the way, Kalhoun, I hope you enjoyed the recipe for sausage rolls. I’m afraid all they got today was a plain old ham sandwich on white, without even any mustard. Next time, things may be different.
Razenfrazzle lunch thieves!
CJ
Was the Sausage Roll recipe posted somewhere, or was it privately emailed? Could I have a copy of it, please?
I promise not to steal your lunch anymore.
My own preference, like yours, is to be asked to do something, and I’ll just about always do what I’m asked politely to do, or else respond with something like, "I’d be glad to do that, just as soon as I finish [Task X]. Or “Does that take precedence over [Task Y] that you said you needed today?” My dad would always issue orders, and I resented his attitude. My mom would ask me politely to please help her with the same task and I’d proceed willingly in good spirits. Sadly, one size (or attitude) does not fit all.
Problem is, especially for a female supervisor, if you are too “nice,” you get labelled as weak and tentative. Also, some people find that being *asked * to do something instead of *told * to do it comes off as manipulative. I have run into this from family as well as at work. The reaction I’ve gotten has been, “If you want me to do [task], just tell me; don’t try to act as if I’m doing you a favor!”
Sometimes it’s just a speech pattern, too.
And bicyclists who ride in the middle of the road when there’s a dedicated bike path should be tasered! I was leaving one of our regional parks today via the entrance road, which is a couple of miles long. A dedicated, paved, pot hole free, 6 foot wide bike path parallels the entrance road for it’s entire length (it’s separated from the road by about 12 feet of grass). I noticed that I was coming up behind a car travelling at about 1/3 of the posted 25 mph speed limit. “What a numbnuts,” I thought. As I got closer, I realized that the car was trying to safely pass two cyclists riding abreast. One was riding in the middle of the lane. The other was riding down the center line, often drifting as much as a foot into to the opposing lane. Idiots!