My current list of demands and grievances:
• Don’t lie. Recently, I was told by a Big Boss that “We are trying as hard as we can to not let anyone go.” Two weeks later, a dozen people were laid off. Level with me. Give me time to be prepared in case it’s my head on the chopping block. Don’t lie so then it’s a shock and then I really hate you.
•Telecommuting. Should be standard unless absolutely necessary. This will prevent me from demanding free coffee or other little perqs. I am already a remote employee, but everyone should get to do it if they want to and the job allows it.
•I want a European work schedule: About 6 hours a day (32-35 hours a week), with a *really *long lunch (for appointments and naps and such). Standard 4-6 weeks vacation time for EVERYONE, paid. One full year of maternity or paternity leave for EVERYONE. Even the men.
• 100% fully paid medical coverage including dental and vision, psych, and a prescription plan. Or better yet, let’s divorce medical insurance from our employers and go single payer and then my stupid company will A) have a fatter profit margin and B) might compensate us better and C) will not have to fuss in their pretty little heads over it. And it’s a UK company, so they must be gobsmacked at the sheer number of dollars required to keep their American employees healthy.
•So we have a merit increase plan. You do an annual evaluation, get a raise. 1. We should not just now be setting goals in fucking JUNE, halfway through the year, for the whole year. That’s not an “annual” goal. It’s a six-month goal that I set once each year. We should be setting goals in JANUARY. Also, goals are not to be carried over into the next year, because we invariably adopt a new system each year.
•The merit pay structure leaves the employee with very little control over the amount of increase we get. 80% of the number is determined by factors we have no control over, such as the overall company financial goals. I have fuck-all to do with that. We have a bad year, that’s not my fault and I did what little I could, but I am not a revenue generator, nor do I cost the company that much. But I’m going to be penalized along with everyone else if some executives set unrealistic financial goals. 20% of my “merit” increase is actually driven by my performance. It should be the other way around because…
• There’s no incentive to perform above and beyond. In fact, it looks to me like a piss-poor personal economic decision. To get the highest rating on your eval, you basically have to work at least 60 hours a week, 20 of which are not on projects you’re directly assigned to, you have to do supervisory work without actually being compensated like a supervisor, and in short, you have to bust your ass. HARD.
So I asked my manager, “What is the difference between the percentage of increase you get if you earned the highest rating, vs what I got, which was a middle rating?” (that meant: does good solid work, but does not go out of her way to go above and beyond because she gives zero fucks). She confirmed my suspicions that I could increase productivity by orders of magnitude for maybe a half a percent more money. Which would come out to a few dollars a week. Work 20 extra hours for maybe $12 week? Oh, no, fuck that and fuck you and fuck the corporate world. I’d rather be a shitty team player and have a life after 5 pm. No interest in clawing my way up the stupid ladder if the end result is only worth pennies to my employer.
• Or. We can eliminate the whole salaried employee thing altogether and pay us all by the hour, including overtime. You want me to work more than 40 hours? I don’t work for free; make it happen. (Will not ever happen.) So, my biggest grievance is the expectation that, in order to excel, one must put in uncompensated overtime. And if you don’t, you’re a bad team player. That’s bullshit and it’s demoralizing.