For those of you who read my thread entitled “Hi, My Name is Audrey and I’m Miss 26” (I’m too sleepy and loopy on Vicodin right now to link to it but if one of you would care to there’ll be a special star on the fridge for you) I thought you’d like to know that I had the surgery on Saturday. (For those of you who are just tuning in, it was surgery on a pilonidal cyst.)
I went in early Saturday morning b/c the inflammation of the cyst was getting to the point that I could no longer walk; I assumed they’d just drain it and let it heal before doing surgery later on, but nay.
They laid me out on a gurney with a fluid IV for TWELVE FUCKING HOURS before taking me in to the OR at 8:40 Saturday evening. (The wait was partially b/c I’d eaten breakfast, so they couldn’t allow me to have general anesthesia for at least six to eight hours; the other four hours were because hey, this was County hospital and the shit takes awhile.)
The surgery went on without a hitch, but I’d like to warn those of you who’ve never had surgery that you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck afterwards; there will be muscles you didn’t even know you had that will throb with pain. Even while you’re on a morphine drip. And the tube they stick down your throat during the surgery?
I think they rip it out with hot tongs or something, b/c it’s 48 hours later and my throat is still raw. They mentioned that “some people complain of soreness.” What about the “hey-I-can’t-fucking-swallow” complaint? Does anybody mention that? Geez. And what about the saliva inhibitor? Yeah. My lips looked like I’d been walking the Sahara for a couple years; I didn’t even have enough moisture in my mouth to talk…and I was in so much pain following the surgery that the nurse gave me a mother load of morphine through the IV…so much, in fact, that my oxygen monitor went off and she told me to “take deep breaths.”
I was too zonky to be frightened that I wasn’t breathing enough at that point, but looking back, that’s kind of…er…SCARY.
Now I have a hole in my ass that’s about the size of a quarter, and about an inch deep. For a pilonidal cyst, I’m told that they can get much bigger, but it’s still kind of a funky idea. Mr. Levins, who has been cleaning and packing it with gauze, says it just looks wrong that there’s all that raw meat just exposed back there. They cauterized it during surgery so most of the nerves are currently numb; I haven’t really felt it yet. They tell me it’ll wake up in a day or two and that’s when the fun really begins.
But for now, I’m actually pretty okay. Still working out the allover soreness with lots of water and limited movement–walking around the house, basically–and so far I’ve only taken a few Vicodin a day. Mainly when I feel the need to take a nap, b/c this shit makes me SLEEPY! It’s like drinking a six pack without that nasty hangover. (Or the burping.)
Going in tomorrow for a check up with the surgeon, so cross your fingers that everything’s okay in Audrey Ass Land. I’m on 2000 mg’s of antibiotics a day so I can’t imagine that anything would dare grow down there but tissue, but hey…never hurts to have happy thoughts sent my way. 
