Mixing working from home with raising kids...who does it?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s the thing. I started a job I love three months ago. I’m working for a medical billing company doing reporting in SQL, Access, and Excel - and it’s an awesome move away from the administrative work I was doing (the job I was doing while I tried to get a screenplay purchased or a book published - still trying, just not intensely at the moment). The job is fantastic - I get to THINK - and I do want to stay here for at least two years, if not longer. It’s made me want to go back to college and get my computer science degree.

But mr. avabeth and I are also making it official in September and we’re planning to start trying for a baby in another year or two. And I have been having some horrible mixed feelings. I keep thinking I want to be at home with my kids, but then I keep thinking that if I’m home without working, I’ll go stir-crazy and knock my head against a wall constantly. I’ve never wanted to be a SAHM, and I’m really surprised that I’m having these feelings - it may be right for other women, but it’s never seemed right for me. And on mr avabeth’s current salary, it’s not a possibility - if he gets a job that he’s hoping to get next fall, it may be very possible, but for me, see reasons above. Unfortunately, my job will more than likely never become a telecommuting position - we’re needed in the office for various things a little too much.

So, I’m thinking about getting a 2 year degree in medical transcription/medical coding. The company I currently work for DOES employ coders. So I could eventually move into a coding position at this company, which would be nice. For the most part, they work from home and come into the office one day a week. So it’s appealing.

Medical transcription is also appealing because I could completely work from home. No worries about daycare costs, etc. And because I’m a night owl, I’d be able to work pretty much anytime of the day or night around my kid(s’) needs. Seeing a friend’s mom who does it made me realize that it is fairly flexible.

I DO want to go back to school for my computer science degree. My plan is to do that when my youngest kid starts school. With transcription, I can work from home and go to school and take as full of a load that I can handle.

So, my question is for anyone who does either of these things or even those who work at home doing anything AND raising kids - are my plans feasible? Can I mix SAHM-ism with working from home? And can I mix working from home, raising kids, and going back to school to get another degree once the kids are in school?

Ava

2

This is IMHO, right? IMHO, working from home is no substitute for childcare. Unless you are planning to work part-time when your husband is home to care for the kids? Maybe with something production oriented like medical coding. But I still think you may be overestimating it since it sounds like your first kid/kids will be infants at the time. I would also look into the long term viability of medical coding as a job option. How is automation and offshoring affecting that field?

3

I guess my thought was this - I’d work from home, but work around my kids’ schedules - part time if I could afford it, full-time otherwise. I’ve got a friend whose mother does transcription and she basically works it around her schedule - but she works from home. I realize that there would probably be some need for childcare, but I’d be able to be a LOT more flexible with it instead of having the in daycare ten hours a day (I’m NOT knocking daycare - I grew up a daycare kid and came out no worse for the wear - and as I said, this is actually quite conflicting for me…I’m wondering where these feelings have come from since I never wanted to stay at home).

As far as the technology/offshoring, medical transcription doesn’t seem to be in any danger - in fact, it appears the need may increase since it’s more of a visual field. I can’t imagine that coding would be much different. I do know that our coders work from handwritten charts, so until that changes, I don’t see how it could become automated.

I’m truly a little trapped here. Staying home goes against everything I’ve ever thought or wanted for my life - I never thought I’d be happy doing it. And in the end, I may not be. But the more we talk about starting a family, the more I realize that I don’t want to miss some of the things like I would if I were working. Then again, my mom worked outside of the home from the time I was six weeks old on, and she and I have a great relationship now. So I know not every situation is the same.

Ava

4

My father works out of the house and raised us from the age of 13 (me)/11(my sister) onwards. He’s an inventor for an MNC. My mother stayed at home from when I was 2 until I was 12 and she was miserable for all of those 10 years that she did it. It wasn’t a voluntary decision on her part but was due to the fact that we moved from India when I was really young and it took her a while to pick up French in Quebec and even then she wasn’t at the level where she could go back to working in her field (personal banking although her degree is in teaching). When we moved to the US my mom started working out of the house and about a year later my dad stepped out of laboratory research into his current position in product development and management. So my sister and I were adolescents when he took up which might make a difference. His work is also probably really different from what you would be doing-he invents different types of products and then he’s responsible for having his company manufacture them and take them through largescale production.

Anyway, I can say that I really enjoyed having a stay at home parent that was happy to be there. When my mom was in the house she was miserable and bored and it was obvious to us kids. As soon as my dad would come home she would run off to her psychology and french language classes at the local university. My father on the other hand, was a great stay-at-home parent even though he also has a full-time job. It was flexible enough that he was always there to drive us to whatever we needed, he helps out around the house and cooks because my mom works a regular work week etc. etc… All the stuff a stay-at-home parent does. He genuinely enjoyed being at home and being our HouseDad. He’s still in the house, as a matter of fact. So to sum up, yes it’s possible but your job needs to be really flexible. I had other friends who had work-at-home parents that couldn’t be as involved in as my father because the nature of their work required them to be in the office all day long. For all intents and purposes they were work-outside-of-the-home parents. Finally, I shoudl also add that my sister was 11 and I was 13 so we obviously required less supervision than a small child AND we were in school most of the day.

5

Sorry, that first sentence should read “My father works in the house and raised us”

6

It is definitely feasible, but not necessarily easy (depending on the kid).

I have a 15-month old and I’ve been working part time at home since she was born. I work when she naps, and I work in the evening after she goes to bed. It hasn’t been without it’s sacrifices; sometimes all I do is look after her, work, and sleep (and not nearly enough of the last one). But being home with her is very important to me and working is very important to me. And we knew our marriage could survive a year or two of that crazy schedule while she was young. I never thought I’d feel so strongly about staying home with her, but once I actually met her and held her I knew there was no way I could go back to work and put her in daycare. I have friends who were desperate to get back to work though. You never quite know how you are going to feel.

If it’s a well-paying job there’s always the possibility of paying a student to come and play with the baby for a couple of hours after school so you get a couple of work hours there. Or possibly pay someone to do some housework to take that off your plate.

7

Since you are asking our opinions, here’s mine:

You’re nuts.

Ok, I say that in a jokey way, but there is a real truth to it. :slight_smile:

Here’s my scenario:

I worked in architecture for a long time. Just before I got pregnant, I was laid off. It worked out great for me because I always have wanted to be a stay at home mom.

A few months after I had my baby, my friend called me up and told me they were desperate for help. They needed me so bad that they gave me a real sweetheart deal.
I figured I would try it for as long as my baby would allow it. Lemme tell you, it lasted one job. There is no way I would ever do that again!

Here’s the deal:

My baby is a gem. I mean that truly. She rarely cries, sleeps a full night, etc. I don’t say this in a Nya Nya sort of way. I say it to establish that if working with a ‘good’ baby is crazy, working with a collicky one will drive you bat shit. Plus, not to ‘curse’ you, but what if you have …twins!

You say that you’ll work around the baby’s schedule, but the fact is, babies do not have a schedule. I can tell you almost for certain that you will be doing your work at night when you are exhausted. It will make for a difficult job where you need to concentrate. Mine is about 6 months now and I stay up late because it’s the only “me time” I can find. You might have to give that up if you work from home. How important is that to you?

I think the most important thing right now is to not set limitations on yourself by what you think you should be feeling. Maybe your whole life you dreamed of being a career gal. Maybe you dreamed of being a SAHM. It is so very true that you just won’t know what you will feel until your baby becomes a reality, so don’t pressure yourself or guilt yourself.

Of course, this is not to say that it can’t be done. If you are really dedicated to it and are very organized I am sure you can make it work. Maybe in my case it didn’t work because I really didn’t want it to, who knows? In my case, hiring someone wouldn’t have worked either because I breastfeed. That and the fact that I have no will power what so ever. I want to be in the same room as her! :slight_smile:

Regardless of what you decide, enjoy your sleep while you can!

8

It can be done, as evidenced by the replies, but, why would you want to? I am a SAHM, I also run the business end of my SO’s company, I homeschool our 11 year old, I do the cooking, cleaning, filing, driving, taxes, yard work, re-financing,banking, research, parts ordering, accounts payable, accounts receivable, collections AND I am trying to start up my own business which means maintaining a website, more research and development, actually producing the product, advertising, answering 1 million phone calls per day on 2 lines, maintain 3 computers, take care of 3 dogs and 1 fish and look after the interest, self esteem, well being and education of one rebellious 17 and one somewhat naive 19 year old, AND, my SO is ADD/OCD.

Would I be much happier working outside the home? You betcha! I often stay up til 4am just to have alone time, I have people trying to talk to me when I am asleep, in the bathroom or whereever, no one seems to know where anything is and everyone constanly tattles on everyone else. Now I know some of this would stay the same, but it would be nice to leave work, just for the evening, and know that when I returned to next day I could go to the bathroom by myself, that my scissors and pens would be right where I left them, and I would be able to feel like I actually have accomplished something.

I worked outside the home when the kids were little until the oldest reached about 14 years old. Back then, they all understood, “not now, I am working”. There are just too many distractions in working at home when you are the MOM, because there are things only MOM can do. It is also too tempting, especially when they are little, to chuck work out the window and play with the kids.

The kids, and especially the SO, have become MORE DEPENDANT on me since I no longer work outside the home. Think long and hard, missy. :eek:

9

I asked for opinions and I got them:D. Thanks - I really do appreciate it.

And now I’m realizing it may be harder than I think. I should have also mentioned that having our own biological child may not be possible - so I’ll need to add adoption time and processes in there, too. And if we do adopt an older child or a child from overseas, I realize that there may be some developmental and emotional problems to contend with. But it’s a catch-22, you know? I’ll need to work for us to afford to adopt from overseas or to adopt here, but I’ll want to give the child my full attention when it comes along.

I know I have some time to think about all of this, but if I want to have a career where I can work from home while they’re young, I need to get back to school soon.

I’m going to think really hard about what all of you have said. It’s good to get the good and the bad of everything.

10

Just remember this:

One way or another things will work out for you and your family. The first couple of years may be hard, but worth it.

Hopefully those thoughts will help you out during the hard times!

Be sure to keep us posted.

11

My experience is probably unusual but you asked. I work from home and have three boys (I’m a Dad btw), the flexibilty is great, but there are drawbacks. Im my case it’s probably easier since my kids are all school aged withteh youngest going on 9. We have set rules for when and when not to disturb me, and in my opinion this will be the hard part for you. But in your case since you’re talking aout medical tx, I don’t think it’s insurmountable.

Incidentally my Mom does medical tx, according to her there was a push a couple of years ago for offshoring, but that in the last year or so, more and more is coming back. So you’re probably safe there.

12

My Mum worked from home from when I was about four and my brother five. She started her own software consultancy business so that we didn’t have to go to childcare.

It worked fine, and we loved having our mum with us all the time. We knew not to bother her except in emergencies (or whatever), and we knew how to play on our own.

So, I really recommend it. You’d have to have good kids though.

13

I’m sure there are people who’ve done it. All I can say is, God bless them, and more power to them. But I don’t advise anyone to try working from home while raising a baby.

If you have older kids, it may work better. But a baby wants what it wants when it wants it, and he/she will not wait for its bottle/diaper/attention until it’s a convenient time for you.

I work full-time, and have a sideline job writing puzzles and games. I assumed, whenwe first brought our 6 month old son home, that when I was at home, I could watch him and still get some puzzles/games done. Bad idea! My son is a wonderful little boy, but he knows nothing of the work I need to do, and cares less! I can squeeze in a little work while he sleeps, yes, but I have no control over how long he sleeps, and no way of guessing how long it will be. It’s not always long enough to let me get much work done.

I won’t tell anyone NOT to try combining baby care with a home-based job. I just warn them that as hard as you THINK it may be, it’s likely to be much harder still. SOME people can probably do it, but I know that I couldn’t combine job and child-care and expect to do a satisfactory job at both.