You know, this is really wonderful advice. Currently the only positive I can find with my whole birth experience is my son, who’s a peach. I’m really angry and bitter about the rest of it (although I suspect there’s a whole lot of other crap exacerbating things - it’s much easier to be mad than sad).
I hope in a while I’ll be able to feel more positive about the entire thing.
As to the OP - I was induced due to PIH and I was a week early. I promise I didn’t post my entire medical history on facebook for people to judge - I just said I was in hospital.
It absolutely shouldn’t, but unfortunately many mothers do end up feeling guilty for having “given up” by having pain relief. Many mothers go into the experience hoping not to have pain relief, but end up needing it, so don’t get the experience they hoped for. Of course, the most important outcome is a healthy mother and baby, but as ENugent’s post shows, not having things turn out the way she hoped can sometimes affect a mother for years. Your original quote talked yourself about how you felt “a bit inadequate” that you “couldn’t have my own babies without help, but at least I can reassure myself that I didn’t have any painkillers or anesthesia with either”. Some women might read that and feel that there is some kind of scale of inadequacy and that if they had assistance and pain relief then they are even more inadequate.
I think the point is that no-one should be thought of as inadequate. If you did all you could to make sure that you and your baby are healthy (including accepting interventions where appropriate) then you are not only not inadequate, you are a great mother and that’s something to be proud of.
Yup. He was 8 lbs, 6.5 oz and about two weeks overdue. The kid came out looking like an old man!
The whole process took over 24 hours. Super suckage. They were about to do a C-section because I wasn’t dilating and I had to be put on oxygen a few times. I was OK without an epidural – wasn’t in my plans – but it got to be a bit much. Everyone was pressing me to do it so I’d stop whining. I finally did, but it didn’t take!
And then my water broke and he was born 45 mins later.
eta: I’ll never forget the process. Trust me. It’s great birth control. I stopped at Baby No. 1.
Elysium, beautifully put. I’m sorry to hear you didn’t have the experience you wanted, but glad that you are coming to terms with it. That’s inspiring.
WhyNot, thank you. I ended up with two beautiful, healthy babies and was surrounded by competent and caring people that made the experience even better. I cannot adequately express my appreciation for the amazing nurses at my side for both deliveries.
To **rekkah **and anyone else my careless comment may have made feel inadequate, I sincerely apologize. It was not my intent. We deal with disappointments in different ways. I expressed my own personal consolation, but it doesn’t make me feel superior to anyone else; just stronger as a woman and mother. That little decision has inspired strength, not just physical, and perseverance in me at times I felt weak. That was all.
Brown Eyed Girl I think all mothers do that at times.
“I may have had a c-section, but at least I breastfed*”.
“I may not have breastfed, but I made all my own baby food”
“I may have bought baby food, but at least it was organic”
“I may have gone back to work, but at least they’re being cared for by family”
and a million other little things we say to convince ourselves that while we’re not perfect, we’re still doing OK.
Which, if our kids are happy and loved, we are.
The one big medical reason to induce is that the incidences of stillbirth, meconium aspiration and birth complications rises steeply after 42 weeks. Placentas are not designed to last forever, and babies aren’t meant to stay in there indefinitely.
Now, if you are induced at 41 weeks and end up with all kinds of intervention, understandably you won’t be happy and may regret not having waited. However, there simply isn’t a way of knowing whether you would have been one of those unfortunate statistics if you’d waited another week and whether those interventions would have happened regardless of the induction.
I confess, this is mine. I had a planned c-section at 39 weeks for medical reasons, and it was as wonderful an experience as it could have been, and yet, sometimes I still get the guilts…
When I was born, my mother was induced. It was 9 days before my expected delivery date.
The reason this was done was because my elder sister was born extremely fast. Even though my parents were well prepared they barely made it to the hospital. The doctor was worried that the same thing would happen with me, and they decided not to risk it.
I don’t know if those extra nine days in the womb would have benefited me in some way. I count it as my borrowed time
sigh Ah, what can I say? I feel like I can’t win here. I never suggested I am better than anyone else. Who doesn’t second guess their choices in life or lament events outside of their control? If you think you are weaker relative to the experiences of others, well that’s on you. I can’t say. I can say that even though I know there are women far stronger than I’ll ever be, I try not to let that define me, but rather inspire me. That said, I just know that I feel stronger for having endured what I’ve endured. By that experience, I am reminded, – often when I need it most – that I can do more, take more, be more than I sometimes think I am capable of.
It’s purely personal and really has nothing to do with what others are capable of enduring or achieving. irishgirl got it right. What it really boils down to is personal pep talk as in, “I feel inadequate because I can’t do this, but I know I’m not because I did that. I truly am full of win.”
cue Helen Reddy
I’m done with this hijack. Best wishes to your friend, etv78.
No, you said you were stronger as a woman and mother, you may mean that as ‘stronger than you thought’, it equally reads as ‘stronger than others’. Like I said, I understood what you meant, but your phrasing comes off as incredibly judgmental.
Guess you can’t see that.
I didn’t have medical interventions for any other reason than to protect the health of my child - your reading of better, stronger etc value judgments are on you.
Our second was induced partially because it was 10 days after EDD and partially because the doctor was going away for Labor Day. No C-section, no problems, and a much better experience for my wife than the first one, who was 2 weeks late and not induced.
For what it’s worth, I didn’t read that as ‘stronger than women who did have pain relief’ - I read it as ‘stronger than I would feel if I didn’t focus on the parts that went the way I wanted them to’.
I do know women (all of whom are done with having babies) who believe that taking pain relief during childbirth is a sign of weakness/inferiority/whatever, but that strikes me as totally bizarre. I can honestly say it’s never bothered me for one second that I had an epidural. I went in there figuring I’d try to do without one and have one if I needed one. I needed one, so I had one. I don’t feel any guiltier about that than about having anaesthetic when I get a filling.
I sincerely hope you can find some peace. My son is 10 months now and it took just about that long for me to feel “okay” with some of what happened.
And Alice I hope you can work through it as well. I remember reading about your experiences and my heart just ached for you.
For me, a diagnosis of PTSD helped me feel like I wasn’t just overreacting or unable to cope like every other mom I saw. Seeing a professional who said “what happened to you was horrible, and you have every right to feel traumatized” helped immeasurably.
Anyway I don’t want to hijack the thread but I just want you both to know that I think I understand some of what you’re going through and I wish you both the best.
No 1 day late is not really that late. The due date is just an estimate and the woman could give birth either 2 weeks before or 2 weeks after. If there is no medical reason to induce then she should not be induced at 1 day late. She needs to think about what’s best for the baby not herself at the moment.
As for me my son was due March 26th and I was induced on April 5th. He was born on April 7th. Oh AND I was considered high risk due to preeclampsia. I had my son 11 days after his due date by c-section.
I seriously don’t think I would have ever gone into labor on my own.
I didn’t really see it as suffering any more than when I’m working out and pushing myself to my upper limits of physical exertion. I don’t medicate for that either. Pain is a normal, natural occurrence, IMHO. Not to say that I don’t fear pain, I do; I’ve never broken a bone, had an appendix rupture, or had major surgery and I’d imagine that would be more painful than anything I’ve ever experienced.* But I don’t fear *all *pain. I’ll take an aspirin for a really bad headache, but I prefer not to, if there are other things I can do to achieve pain relief. Personally, I found breathing techniques and visualization to be a great help at mitigating childbirth pain to manageable levels.
It isn’t really about getting a trophy from others. It’s about doing what feels right by yourself and your child. And if *you *can be content about how *your *own experience went, that’s really all that matters, right?
*Oh wait, I had an eye infection and that was without a doubt the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced…far beyond childbirth.
ETA: Happy Mother’s Day, moms!
I was induced a few days before my due date due to my history of poor obstetrical outcome. My OB was scheduled to go out of town for a medical conference, and because it’s labor and delivery that’s so dangerous for me, he wanted to make sure he was there and not one of his partners who I didn’t know and probably wouldn’t trust. There was also some fear that I had low amniotic fluid, which was a secondary reason because a fluid leak is a Very Bad Thing when you’re already group B strep-positive and you’ve already lost a child to the disease.
Super suckage. They were about to do a C-section because I wasn’t dilating and I had to be put on oxygen a few times. I was OK without an epidural – wasn’t in my plans – but it got to be a bit much. Everyone was pressing me to do it so I’d stop whining. I finally did, but it didn’t take! 
