Moments of schadenfreude in your life.

[Floater]

Another piece of second hand Schadenfreude.

A friend of mine was working at the information desk at the library when a customer thought he didn’t get the service he wanted so he said in a loud voice “I will report this to my very close friend Mr Utter (otter in English, we can have some strange names in Swedish”. My friend had absolutely no idea who he was referring to until she suddenly got it, “Oh, you mean Mr Järv (wolverine)”.

Something tells me that you shouldn’t try to impress people with your very close friends if you don’t know what animal they share a name with.

[Mauvaise]

@Annie-Xmas

I worked with a Ron. Guy was a royal pain in the ass. The Big Boss use to call him the asshole.

He had to get some insurance papers filled out for an “operation” he was having. He would not tell us what typ of operation. When the doctor’s office called our office and I spoke to them, I asked “Yes, and what was that operation for again?”

When I was told “hemmeroids,” I managed to wait till I hung up before laughing my own ass off. I told everybod in person what was going on, and we all laughed our asses off repeatedly.

I’m not sure where the SDMB meme of “a Ron” started, but since I used to have a co-worker whose last name was pretty much that, who was a complete and total dickwad. Short and drove one of those over-compensating huge Hummer-type monster truck deals.

Well, turns out he got testicular cancer and lost a ball. It wasn’t one of my prouder moments, but I have to admit there was a certain bit of Schadenfreude that was had by me.

[Rebo]

The Ron thread.

[purplehorseshoe]

@Orange_Skinner

I had a first grade teacher who I was terrified of as a six-year-old kid. She was an old, crotchety and mean-spirited old hag and she was pretty cruel to many of us. For example, there was one kid who wet his pants once after she refused to grant him a bathroom break (she was big on designated times to go to the bathroom, few exceptions), and I can remember her making him walk down the first grade hallway with his dripping pants, past the kindergarten classes and to the office to call his mom to tell her “what he had done” (like it was criminal). She really seemed to relish the obvious embarrassment the kid was feeling.

Unfortunately for me, she disliked girls in general and me in particular. She overturned my desk because it was too disorganized, once even shoved it across the room and slammed it against the chalkboard, spilling the contents all over the linoleum. This was after I had not cleaned it to her satisfaction. She then made me chase the crayons and papers and whatnot that had scattered all over the classroom and “try again to do it right” while everyone else just stared at me gathering my things and crying. She also frequently put me in her own version of solitary confinement (my desk became an island and no one was allowed to talk to me). I had never had behavior problems, and haven’t since, and both then and now, I am at a loss as to figure out what I was being “disciplined” for.

Flash forward twelve years: my mom, an RN, is the head nurse in charge of my first-grade teacher’s ailing father’s treatment. My old teacher recognizes her immediately, and says something like, “how ironic, I helped your daughter and now you’re helping my dad, how karma-y.” To which my mom replied, “Let’s just hope I don’t give your dad the same kind of care that you did for my daughter and her classmates, or else he’ll wind up with his meds overturned on the floor and shuffling down to the nurses’ aide station to call home for a change of clothes after he’s peed his pants cos no one would let him go to the bathroom.”

My mother’s description of the old hag’s speechless expression made my inner child pretty damned pleased.

Hell, your mother pleased my inner child as well. Please tell her “thank you” on behalf of me and all the other kids who had one of these hags as a teacher.

[Malacandra]

@Cugel

There’s probably a bit of it around in Australia at the moment, with the World Cup bid going majorly pear.

And in England, with Australia getting their ass majorly kicked in the cricket just a couple of hours before the rain would have rescued them.

[missred]

During my tenure with my last company, there was a warehouse manager who was a total unrepentent jerk. I was the supervisor in Inventory Control and had to put up with his not taking responsibility for anything in his warehouse, as well as his absolute disdain for any woman who dared step foot out there (other than in the office, there were no women who worked in the warehouse).

Fast forward 2.5 years, after receiving a promotion in inventory management at my next company, whose resume should happen to fall on my desk? Although I was merely a lead and he was applying for a supervisor’s position, because we had worked for the same previous company, my boss wanted my input.

Needless to say, he doesn’t have a job with my current company.

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

Another driving one:

I was back home for the first time in awhile, and though the streets of the small city near my town weren’t usually crowded, there must have been an event that night or something. Cars were parked along both sides of the street, meaning that I had really bad visibility while I was trying to make a left turn onto it. Plus I think it was raining, I really don’t remember why I was having so much trouble seeing. I kept inching out further and further, trying to get an opening, when the guy behind me decided I was taking too long and pulls into the (oncoming) lane next to me and makes a quick left. Just as he does a police van that he didn’t see flips on its lights and pulls him over. Almost immediately after that I finally get clear visibility and pull out.

Impatient bastid.

[Stoid]

@Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker

A relative took me to court over some missing photographs and some various other things. A year later she was diagnosed with cancer. Three months later she died. :mad: I had wanted her death to drag on in slow, painful increments for at least two years. Some day, I’ll probably fell bad that I ever thought that, but three years later I don’t.

Wow.

Amazing you can have that degree of delight at her fate.

[PotLuck]

After activating the crosswalk’s flashing overhead lights I started making my way eastbound across the street. The woman in the northbound lane comes to a rolling stop and I make eye contact to ensure she sees me and will presumably come to a complete stop before I cross in front of her vehicle; she does, and I continue walking. When I’m about two feet from her front bumper she starts inching forward again. I stop and raise my palms skyward in a “WTF?” stance. She stops again … and starts rolling again as soon as I resume walking. I stop again because, really?

Then I hear the distinct one-note blast of a police car’s “hey you!” siren (not the full-on “I’m on my way to stop a bank robbery” siren, if you know what I mean). Turns out there was a squad car in the southbound lane the whole time, who pulled a U-turn and wrote that impatient nitwit a ticket. It made my day.

[BobArrgh]

I was driving down a highway that was undergoing major construction, with only one lane open for about 2 miles. I had slowed down to the construction speed limit, even though it was a Sunday and no construction workers were present. I was being careful to go the exact speed limit because I could see a Highway Patrol vehicle two cars behind me.

The idiot directly behind me kept honking her horn, flashing her headlights, and gesturing at me, trying to get me to go faster. She kept inching closer and closer to show her displeasure. She did this for the entire 2 miles of one-lane traffic.

Finally, as we got back to the open road, I put on my blinker to move to the right, but she swerved behind me and roared past, flipping me off and giving me a dirty look. The cop behind her followed her and as he drove past me, just smiled at me and shook his head as if to say, “What a jerk!”

A few miles later, I came upon them stopped by the road where he was writing her a ticket. As I went past, I honked and waved, and the cop waved back at me.

[Wincerind]

My dad was 59 and a reasonably heavy smoker. He had had a bad cough for half a year or so and had visited his GP quite a few times. Every time he got send home with some new medication. Only after that half year, the GP send him to the lung specialist. Sure enough, he had lung cancer. For some reason or another, he went back to the GP who asked if he could listen to his lungs again. Th GP then goes “I can’t believe I never heard that”. What, not sending a 59 year old smoker to a lung specialist for half a year and then pretending you can hear lung cancer? WTF?
Anyway, my dad was one of the lucky 5 % to survive lung cancer. Fast forward 10 years or so, my dad tells me he went to the GPs funeral. Yes, that was my moment of schadenfreude that my dad survived him (the GP was at least 70 when he died, so I did not feel too guilty about it).