We were traveling down the highway to Wally-world(you know: Walmart)
This time it was Mid-daughter driving. She kinda pokes along. I was looking at stuff on the shoulder of the road.
I’ve been known to stop and investigate interesting things.
I’ve found some neat stuff that way, and lots of bullshit.
Big W says I’m gonna find dead kittens or worse one of these days. Curiosity killed the cat, they say.
Poking along, I see a blob ahead on the shoulder.
I said, “Stop!” MD said “NO!”
What? No room for negotiations? What a bratty MD. She used to be fun.
I looked in the rearview as we passed. I saw movement and bananas. Wut!!??
I said, “please stop and turn around” Again she says “NO!”
We get to Walmart and shop. All through the shopping experience I brow beat her.
Finally I get the answer I wanted. We will stop on the way out. Yay!!!
We travel slowishly cause I’m looking for the lumpy, moving object and bananas. Oh, oh! I see banana peels.
This is a small state highway, kinda empty and scary. Getting dark. No traffic. MD makes a U-turn. The headlights catch the lump and she stopped.
We’re looking at the lump. I swear it moved. She said, “you’re nuts if you get out of this car. It’s probably a wild animal”
But it ate like 8 bananas. It can’t be that bad if it eats fruit.
What animal classically eats bananas? Yep, you’re right, Monkeys.
I’m thinking there’s a Monkey in a bag. Yep. I convinced myself.
I’ve always wanted a Monkey.
I would name it Bozo, and squeeze and love it forever. It would be ‘all’ mine. Bozo would love me back. We’ll be best buddies. I’ll take it everywhere and buy clothes for it and
diapers too. I ain’t got no time for poopy cleaning everyday. Yep, diapers are necessities.
I’m looking at the bag. I still swear it’s moving. MD is looking skeptical.
There’s one huge problem to my new pet Monkey. I think it’s illegal to have a pet Monkey in Arkansas. Tigers are cool but not Monkeys. Does that make any sense? Not to me.
I opened the car door, slightly. I’m considering my options. Get out, claim my Monkey. Stay in and forever wonder.
Uh-oh. MD jumped out and kicked the lump. She screeched. It was a brown plastic sack.
Inside it was not exactly a Monkey.
It was more fruit.
But still, who ate the bananas?
I know who did. My new pet Monkey. He got tired of waiting on me to come get him.
Crap. I missed my chance.
I’ll never forgive Mid-dau for me and Bozo not having met.
It’s all her fault.
She finally said, “Ma, shut up. There was never any Monkey” and "You need a Monkey like you need another 'possum.
Whatever.
I shall believe it forever.
I’m sorry, Bozo.
Our destiny was dashed by the unbelievers.
