Eh, I trust all y’all to keep it civil. 
It would be nice to know just how regional (and from where) some of these sayings are. A few years back, I went with a friend to visit his parents in KY, and they relayed stories of moving from MD to…I think it was LA, and were essentially viewed as damn yankees. Then they moved to KY, and they had picked up enough to be able to distinguish some of the different speech patterns/sayings.
All of the ones I’ve mentioned have been from Mississippi, Alabama, and Tennessee. Some of the older ones you don’t hear so much anymore.
One I haven’t seen yet: bellyachin’
It’s sort of a synonym for “bitching and moaning” but not in the sense that, say, a wife would nag a husband. Rather, it’s like “complaining.”
“Quit your bellyachin’ and get to work, hoss.”
Another one that is, like many others, dependent on context is “hand.” If a job foreman says “you’re a pretty good hand” then it’s a compliment. If someone is pissed at you and says “you better back off there, hand,” then it’s not so much a good thing.
For someone who talks too much trash: “You better not let that alligator mouth outrun that hummin’bird ass.”
Akin to “slap your grandma” is “kiss a wall.” “That pie was so good it makes you wanna kiss a wall.”
Speaking of pie–that white stuff on top of a chocolate pie isn’t meringue–it’s calf slobber.
When talking about justice: “There’s more men that need killin’ than horses (that) need stealin’.”
After a long day’s work: “I’m as tired as a little red wagon.”
For an ugly (bless their heart!) person: “He could make a freight train take a dirt road.”
“Dinner” isn’t the end-of-day meal (that’s supper)–rather, dinner is lunch.
On trustworthiness: “I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I could throw 'im.”
On a lazy person: “Son, you’re about as useless as tits on a boar hog.”
I’ve lived in Tennessee and Alabama for 25 of my 28 years and I don’t recognize most of these as Southern phrases.
If you done something wrong as a child, you would be directed by your father/grandmother to go outside, find a “switch” (usually thin branch off a pine tree) to get beaten with, and if it ain’t big enough for their standards by god they’ll go out and find one you really don’t wanna get hit with.
Some of them are probably regional. I haven’t heard the calf slobber ones for example, and I’m almost twice your age.
He’s as crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
My Momma didn’t raise no fools. (Said when you think someone is trying to take advantage of you and you see through the BS.)
To be infested or infected with something is to be “eat up” with it. That dog is eat up with fleas. That boy is eat up with the chicken pox. Of someone who is stupid it might be jokingly said “That boy is eat up with the dumb ass.”
(And diseases were often garnished with an article: “the chicken pox” “the measles” even “the AIDS”)
In a feed store I once saw a guy look pityingly at a confused clerk and then turn and say to me under his breath (and without irony) “That boy’s dumb worser’n ary a box of rocks I ever saw.”
Tougher’n hickory.
Upon seeing a woman’s shapely bottom wiggling as she walks past, one might exclaim “Boy that’s just like two pigs in a poke” (A poke being a gunny sack, and the motion of the woman’s rear being compared to the motion two pigs jostling for position in such a sack.)
“Useless as tits on a boar hog” is one I heard many times. (Hmm.)
Slow as sorghum. (The Southern equivalent of slow as molasses, I guess.)
If you don’t look out you’re going to be sucking hind tit. (Equivalent of “You’re going to be left out in the cold.” Said to someone who is screwing around and missing out on a good thing.)
She’s been beat with the ugly stick.
Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Useless as a one-legged man at an ass-kickin’.
She looks like she’s been rode hard and put up wet.
He looks like 40 miles of bad road.
He ain’t got the sense God gave a goose.
When you have just finished a ramshackle construction of one sort or another, you stand back admiringly and say “That’s just like country music: it’s here to stay.”
A friend of mine pulled up to a gas station in a garish midnight blue-ish rental car, and a passerby remarked, “Boy you almost got a purple car didn’t ye?” Which was a pretty typical Southern thing to say.
Brogan boots were “shit-kickers” or “clod hoppers.”
If someone (usually kids) are acting up and you need to threaten a punishment, you tell 'em to straighten up or it’s “going to be too wet to plow.”
My grandfather is always telling us that X or Y is good for us by reminding us that “it will make your ears grow long”. I still have no idea why that would be a good thing.
I’m not sure if this is particularly a Southernism, but if a kid asks an adult fishing companion why the adult is catching fish and the kid isn’t, the kid will invariably be told, “You ain’t holdin’ your mouth right.” Puzzlement ensues.
A few I remember:
-“sumbitch” mild expletive
No, no: two dogs fightin’ under a blanket.
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.
Giving someone a scolding or beating: “I really lit in to her!”
Something upsets you: it “flew all over me” or “got off with me” or “got away with me”.
The kind of bread you buy in the store is “light bread”. I think this must be as opposed to corn bread. “Make me a sammich of that light bread, please”.
Everyone knows about “store bought” as opposed to something home made, but we shorten it to “bought”. “Susie looked a wonder in that bought dress”.
To take your time going somewhere: “I eased on over to Bubba’s place”.
To be sulking is to be “sulled up”. “He was sulled up like an ol’ possum”.
That’s for anything that isn’t going well. “You wasn’t holdin yer mouth right.”
There’s a distinction between sweet potatoes and “Irish” potatoes. The latter is pronounced “Arsh”.
To eat a snack of something is to “get a bait” of it. “I had me a bait of them tomatoes.”
Free-form biscuits are “cat-heads”.
Which reminds me. When I was a kid, milk came in two varieties: buttermilk and sweet milk.
“Sweet milk” being what is these days referred to as “milk.”
Southern edubabble, South Georgia style:
“share out” = recite, speak, tell
“dress out” = get dressed for gym class
People use the word “of” a lot around here:
taste of, smell of, the this or that of something instead of the something this or that
(e.g. University of Georgia instead of Georgia University- people I know phrase their speech so it’s “the thing of whatever” every chance they get).
Oh yeah, and men didn’t have “wallets,” we had “billfolds.”
You left out “might orta” (might ought to).
And its slightly less genteel cousin: Busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kickin’ contest.
the one that took me a bit to grasp was old people calling someone “touched” when you mean retarded or stupid.
In the NE, I’d always heard the variant “Two cats in a bag”, although referring to (large and unconstrained) breasts, not backsides.
The imagery makes me smile every time.
I keep thinking of new ones. If you spill something you’ve “wasted” it: “That girl wasted her glass of sweet milk all over the floor”.
If you’re suddenly swept with desire for someone: “That boy done flung a cravin’ on me”.