Once, my dad accidentally hit me in the cheek with the car door-I was in the way when he was closing it and he didn’t see me. I was probably about three-all I remember is my parents carrying me into the kitchen (we were at my aunt’s brother in law’s ) and putting ice on my cheek.
He took me to the groccery store a day or so later. I had this huge bruise on my cheek. A woman asked me what happened and I said, with a huge grin, “My Daddy hit me!”
My dad told me this (I don’t remember it) and he said the woman gave him a really nasty look and stomped off.
My mother said I also told everyone in my preschool the same thing.
This wasn’t me, but my brother. He was an extremely social little thing when he got good at talking, and every time our mom took him shopping or on any errands, he would introduce himself and mom to whoever was standing nearby. After getting the names of the people he’d just met, he’d spot new ones and introduce the new people to the ones he’d already met. He’d have a whole trail of friends and a slightly embarrassed mother in his wake throughout the grocery store.
My mother and older sister were shopping in K-Mart. My sister was about 4 years old, and extremely impatient. My mother stopped to talk to an old friend, and my sister got frustrated.
My mother was used to dealing with my sister and her antics, so she told her to wait, and then decided to ignore my sister. My sister went on, tapping my mom on the arm and whining about going to see the toys. She danced around my mom, saying, “toys, toys, toys!” Still my mom continued to ignore her. Finally, my sister had had enough.
She walked around behind my mother, and proceded to bite her on the ass.
My mom shrieked, turned around, picked my sister up, and stormed out of the store. Every time she tells that story, my sister denies it.
I couldn’t have been any older than three or four, but I still remember this vividly.
My mother and I were at some clothing store in the mall that had fitting rooms in a row against the back wall–no separate area for them. So she goes in to try on a dress and I, being so young, have to go in too. Bored, I’m hanging like a monkey from the eye-level (for a four-year old, anyway) purse hook on the back of the door. Mom’s standing there in her bra and skivies when, all of a sudden, >creeeaaaakkk, crash!< The entire door comes off it’s hinges and slams to the floor from my weight. :eek: Salesgirls were running over to see what happened, I was bawling with a bloody head, and mom was just standing there, ass in the breeze, while everyone in the store got a good look.
[sub]Mom, if you’re reading this, I am so sorry![/sub]
THE PAYBACK
Just a couple weeks ago I stopped at the grocery store with my son (he’s a year and a half) on the way home from work. After I’d paid for my stuff, I pulled my cart over to the exit and stopped to put my coat back on before going out into the cold. I was wearing one of those peasant-type off-the-shoulder blouses and no bra. As I bent to grab my coat out of the cart my son grabbed the front of my shirt and yanked HARD! The elastic stretched down to my waistband and my girls popped out in all their glory. If that wasn’t bad enough he then lets go, and the top of the shirt shoots back up and wedges under my breasts, so I had to put down my coat and pull the shirt back down before I could get them put away again. The best part is this all happened just as a group of four high-school boys were walking in the doors I was facing, and less than a foot in front of the cop who works security there. He just smiled at me and said “And you have a good evening too, m’am” which made the high-schoolers start laughing like hyenas. I seriously wanted the earth to open up and swallow me.
This thread is a hoot! Phouka, I just about wet my pants as I was reading yours, and I got the hiccups that lasted all the way through this thread.
When I was 2 or 3, I was with my Mom at the grocery store and saw a very large shiny black woman. I stood up in the cart, pointed at her, and in piercing tones announced, “Look Mommy! There’s a purple lady!” (sorry Mom, sorry Ma’am!)
I also got kicked out of Sunday School for calling my Sunday School teacher a “son of a bitch.” I’m not sure what she did to deserve such an epithet, but both my parents were absolutely mortified.
Not embarrassing to the parents, as they weren’t there, but I hope this counts:
My 9 year old cousin attended my wedding last year. After the ceremony we were all in line for some food (not extremely formal) and he was in line behind us. Here I am, in a state of bliss, my heart pounding with joy with my new husband beside me. My cousin turns to me, points at my chest and says:
“Are those fake?”
My jaw dropped and I about melted into a puddle until I realized I had my hands clasped over my chest and he was talking about my new manicure
A few years ago, my mother inlaw got dentures. She had problems with them so didn’t wear them around the house. We were visiting her, and my 5 yr old son, who at the time was kind of weird about people changing there appearance, said “Granny, go get some teeth and make up”. She told him she’d put her teeth in but she didn’t wear make up, to which he replied “get some”.
My nephew walked into my sister’s kitchen picking his nose while a plumber was working on her sink. The plumber looked up and sort of snickered, and my sister said, “Anthony! Don’t do that!” to which Anthony replied, “Why not? You do it all the time!”
My son was three when my daughter was born. Ivylad was off with the Navy, so I’m a single mom for six months.
I hauled three year old, infant in the carrier, purse, diaper bag, and deposits into the bank. There was a line, so I put the carrier down on the floor while I tried to keep everything else in my hands and keep an eye on my son.
He starts shaking the carrier back and forth, making my daughter fuss. As my hands were full, I tapped his shin with my foot to get him to stop.
He looks up with a glare, and shouts, “Don’t kick me!” to the entire bank.
I looked around furtively to see how many people thought I was abusing my son while simultaneously hoping the floor would open up beneath me.
When my nephew was 2, his parents were getting ready to go out. His Dad was in the livingroom talking to the new babysitter, while his Mom (my sister), was in the bathroom getting ready. My sister had just sat down on the toilet to put her shoes on when my nephew walked in, looked at her, then went to the living room to inform everybody that “Mama’s poo pooing!”
My Uncle Colin was hosting a soiree for colleagues and V.I.P. clients at his house. I was downstairs playing with his two sons who were my age. I was not even three years old, but boy did I talk a lot.
I wanted some juice, so I toddled upstairs. I peeked in the room of adults, and I spotted my Uncle Col. Somehow, I’d never before seen him wearing his toupee. In amazement, I yelled: “Uncle Col!.. HA-AIR!!!”
I just remembered an embarrassing encounter my husband had with the daughter of a friend. I think I may have told this story on the boards before. John and his wife and 2 kids lived aboard a sailboat in the marina where we were docked.
My husband was on their boat talking to John when 3-year-old Bonnie came up to him. When there was a break in the conversation, my husband turned to her and said “Hi, Bonnie.”
She informed him: “Daddy has a penis and Noah has a penis, but I have a vagina.” Then she turned and went belowdecks. I don’t know if John was embarrassed, but my husband and I had a good laugh about it.
