I don’t think this was embarrassing, just hilarious to my dad…
My first baseball game was a Phillies game in about 1982. I was about 9. Ozzie Virgil hit a grand slam to win the game.
Later, when describing the situation to my dad’s friends, I of course called him “Ozzie Virgin.”
The roars of laughter still echo…
Joe
My 4 year old son is a font of these.
One day he demanded to know where babies came from. Happily, a pregnant lady happened to walk by, and I described how the baby was in the mommy’s tummy. i told him about how sperm and eggs worked, and how the baby grew inside the mommy until it was time to be born.
He thought about that for a bit, and then a rather obese man walked by. The light-bulb went off over my son’s head, and he said something like “boy oh boy, there must be ten babies in there!”
Unfortunately, he said it loudly. :smack:
I took my 3 year old daughter into the change room in a clothing store with me once. I was trying on pants, and that was my only option. There were men in other change rooms nearby.
So, I took off my jeans to try on the first pair, and my daughter announces to everyone within earshot “Daddy, you’re wearing big girl panties, just like me!”
Naturally I had to respond in my deepest manliest voice, that no, these were in fact man’s underwear.
ETA: I normally wear boxers, which she had seen lots of times; these were briefs.
Priceless!
When I was a kid, we were having a big family get-together. My mom got out a meat tenderizing mallet and went to work on some steaks. I’d heard people use the phrase before, and thought it appropriate to let the crowd know that, “Hey everybody, Mom’s beating her meat!”
Didn’t happen to me personally, but I witnessed it. I was in a bookstore where a dad was looking at the various magazines. His daughter, maybe 4 or 5 said very loudly “Daddy, I think I have diarrheah in my butt”. Dad simply ignored her, so she said it again, very loudly (and with a sense of urgency), DADDY, I have diarrheah in my BUTT!!!. It was hilarious.
Once I was sitting in a very small waiting room with my very small son, when a guy came in wearing giant sagging jeans. My child screamed with laughter and cried, “Clown pants, Mama! He’s wearing clown pants!”
My father was walking across the living room with a cup of coffee when my 5 year old nephew ran into him, causing my dad to stumble and splash scalding liquid on my nephew’s cheek. Once it was determined the boy was okay, hadn’t gotten any in his eyes, etc., my father rather angrily told him that this was a perfect example of why it is not acceptable to run around wildly indoors.
A few days later we are at a convenience store and my nephew is happily chatting with the clerk, who asks casually, “How’d you get that owie on your cheek?” My nephew gravely intones, “Grandpa got mad and poured coffee on me.” The clerk looked so shocked! I was mortified, and stammered out “Grandpa spilled the coffee and got mad afterwards.”
My friend Anne’s youngest sister, Dana, was 3 or 4ish sometime in the late 80’s. Dana had watched her mom do her aerobics tape in front of the tv for some time now and decided church was the time to try it out. Picture a very conservative and quiet Baptist church on Sunday. Suddenly one of the family members whispers “Where’s Dana?” They look around and she’s standing in the aisle about halfway down the church. All of a sudden she breaks into her aerobics routine “AND FOUR MORE! NOW THREE MORE! YOU’RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH” complete with high kicks and stretches. Dana’s mom slinks down the aisle to grab her but Dana is resisting, yelling “But mom we haven’t cooled down yet!” The family was conveniently “sick, cough cough” and missed church the next week.
Baptists don’t have a sense of humour?
To be fair, I’ve had the same thought. 
I was in a Borders and had to poop, so I took my son, who was in the midst of potty training, with me to the bathroom. Someone else was in there, too, and I took him into the stall with me and did my business. As soon as I pooped, he screamed, “Good job, mommy! You pooped!” and clapped his hands and danced for me. I heard choking from the stall next door.
Got another one that my husband just reminded me of… and you’ll see why. It was more embarassing for me but definitely not my husband.
Husband took our son to use the bathroom at the mall when he was about 3.5 or so. My son took care of business, then my husband decided to go while they were in the stall.
My husband unzipped and well… you know… my son looked up and said loudly “Daddy you have a BIG penis!”. Then he looked down and said a little forlornly “I have a little penis.”
I was standing outside waiting for them, and about 3 men came out laughing, followed by my husband who was laughing so hard he couldn’t even make a sound. When he could finally compose himself he said “I don’t know whether to laugh or pound my chest with pride!”
Joke told by Baptist: “If you’re going fishing with a Baptist, take two. That way they won’t drink your beer.”
I had a college friend who knew his father was going to ask this when his parents came to visit his first dorm room. So he planned for it. Via my connections with a store, I was able to get him an empty cardboard box that had contained about 150 boxes of condoms, and that was clearly marked on the side. He put that on the highest shelf in the bathroom closet, and waited for his father to ask! His dad was suitably embarrassed, especially when his mother commented “that would have lasted your father through high school, college, grad school, and most of our marriage”.
I was about five. We were standing in line for dinner at Disney World, and my brother was bugging me. So I told him to stop it, “you little bugger!” You know, as in someone who bugs people.
Winnie, the aerobics story had me in tears.
I don’t recall this. But, mom loves to tell the story of leaving my 9 year old cousin and me (4) at a drugstore fountain for sodas while she shopped. We were supposed to meet her in another store in the mall. She gave my cousin just enough change to pay for the sodas. We’re sitting there drinking sodas and there was a display of packaged brownies on the counter. I had one open and in my mouth before my cousin could stop me. My poor cousin sat there for almost an hour waiting for mom to return. Mom was perturbed that we hadn’t met her. My poor cousin was about to cry.
Looking back I feel bad for her. I guess a stack of brownies was too tempting. 
My son is 15 now, so I tell this story to his friends to embarrass him as much as he embarrassed me at the time. It’s only fair. (I embarrass him by breathing anyway, so why not enjoy it?)
When he was 5, we were checking out at the grocery store. I was writing a check, and he told me he had to go potty. I asked him to wait a second and I’d take him once I finished (it would have literally taken me less than two or three minutes to finish with the check and get my receipt, etc.)
Got the, “But MOOOOOOMMMM, I gotta go NOOOOWWWW!!”
Told him just a second, signed the check, turned around…and he’d dropped his pants and was peeing on a small, potted palm treet at the end of the checkout isle.
I turned purple, but stopping him was kinda out of the question - once young boys start you can’t really stop them peeing. Once he’d finished, I said to him, “You apologise! You don’t pee except in the bathroom, on the toilet!”
He replied, “But Daddy does it!” And started wailing!
I turned a brighter, redder purple, got my groceries and left after having to help him zip his pants again in front of all the giggling, snickering people. :o
After some tense discussion in the car, it turns out that Daddy had taken him out on the family property ahead of deer season to clear out the deer blinds. Daddy had not only peed on a tree out there but encouraged the young man to do the same - in thick, wooded property several acres from the house.
So that’s the same as pissing on a potted plant at the grocery store, right? I wanted to slide into the floor!!
My mom has a similar story about my brother at 5 years old. My aunt took him out to a park, and on the walk back was forced to take him behind some bushes for an emergency pit stop. He balked at first, but must have thought it was pretty neat, because he gleefully peed on the lawn for a week after that.