“…, if you will.”
As in “it was like a smorgasbord, if you will.” Oh yeah? Well what if I won’t, huh? What then? Did you even pause to see if I’d be OK with it? No. You just went right on truckin’. So you know what? I won’t. Why? 'Cause fuck you, that’s why.
Ya gotta like ‘breasticles’ though…
You’re absolutely right. Ain’t.
Circle jerks, I ain’t so sure. Perhaps “I have previously participated in a circle jerk” would be better.
And I’ll have to Wiki the etiquette before I utter the phrase.
I always answer this, “I won’t”.
mmm
“I was born at night, but not last night.”
“You know what I’m sayin’?”
Yeah, since you’re speaking English and I understand English, I do know what you’re sayin’. You don’t have to make sure of the fact every frikkin’ sentence.
Last night on the news they were talking to a guy on trial for a Very Bad Thing and he must have said that six times during a 30-second sound bite. I hope he gets convicted just for that :mad:
If you say it fast enough it sounds like “You know I’m insane?” 
Ouch. I wonder if that is a reflection of your imagination or your love-making? :)Just kidding. I’ve always heard it said as “cream your jeans”… presumably because it almost rhymes. Then again, you can use that with males and females… although if the intent is to be insulting to a guy, I suppose using “panties” would just ratchet it up a notch.
“Cream your jeans/panties” - To have a spontaneous orgasm.
Usage:
“Geesh! We’re almost there… don’t cream your panties!” - Translation: “You are too excited, calm down.”
Usage:
“Oh wow, she was so hot I almost creamed my jeans when she kissed me!” - Translation: “I was very, very excited/aroused.”
Yeah, and for a guy to have this happen would mean he creamed his jeans, the cream obviously being semen. :eek:
If you’re a woman and you cream your jeans you may want to seek some medical help. 
That’s how I’m gonna hear it from now on! And that actually might make it bearable.
… uh, TMI ahead…
The “lube” produced by women has a composition very similar to semen, of course minus tads. Overproduction of same is one of the reasons to use pantyliner. Let me put it this way: women in my family do not need to pay for lube.
“That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Usually said when something went right, and the person who says this wasn’t talking before the thing worked.
“Bad boys,” like Guy Fieri says, although I heard that phrase used maybe 20 years ago.
I’ve noticed people in interviews (athletes mainly, but not exclusively) start answering with “I mean…” as in:
Q: Talbot, when did you first notice you were about to win the game?
A: I mean, we had good players on the field…
That’s not as grating as my other examples, but it’s growing, because in my mind, it’s nonsense to start a sentence with a clarifying phrase like that. It’d make more sense if he used “I mean” to begin a second sentence, but not the first.
When emails are robotically signed: “Best Regards”, “Kind Regards”, “Warm Regards”, or “All the Best”. This makes me criminally insane. It’s so PHONY and cheap and rote, I just hate it.
“it is what it is”… PUKE.
“I peed myself a little”
“nom nom nom” - God help me people.
“just sayin’”. ARGH!!
These sayings I see mostly on Facebook, which is why my usage has gone down drastically. The email one however, I am sadly subjected to daily.
HUH? That’s the sound one would make while trying to vomit.
Too fucking lazy to say “Excuse me, but what did you say?”
Following a half-memory, I looked up the layout of the US Congress’ meeting chambers, and my suspicions were confirmed: they’re semicircular! There is no aisle to cross! :smack:
But the expression has bad and subtle effects: it implies that there are only two alternatives, the existing ones, for every demand. Other choices are discouraged by the structure of the expression.
Now, the Canadian parliament is laid out that way with a central aisle flanked by rows of desks–both Senate and Commons–so maybe there was some leakage? But we say, “crossing the floor” when people change political alliance.
“shit the bed” to describe a colossal failure.
Oh, and “yummy” or worse, “nummy” are the two worst words in the English language.
But how do you sign your emails? I sign most of my business ones ‘All the best’ - I’m in a field where ‘Yours sincerely’ or ‘Yours truly’ would make me sound like a weirdo. And ‘Yours sincerely’ or ‘Yours truly’ would be phony too, seeing as I’m never that person’s and sometimes I’m not even sincere. And leaving off the tag altogether feels brusque and rude.
Do you just mean the auto-signatures bug you? How can you tell an auto-sig from me manually typing in ‘All the best’?
I agree completely. The use of baby-talk or overly childish pronunciations of simple words is maddening to me. The one that always bothers me the most is “sammich” instead of “sandwich”. Where did this come from and how can I make it go back there?
As one or two others have mentioned, I also really dislike the words “win” and “fail” used as they often are these days. “Made/full of win” and “Fail!” (used as an exclamation in response to something poorly done) sound incredibly dumb to me.
And while I’m in here: ‘gift’ when you mean ‘give’. I’m sure there are some contexts where it’s helpful to use ‘gift’ as a verb, for clarity, even if it’s hideous, but the rest of the time ‘I gifted it to Tom!’ makes you sound like some terrible perky robohousewife created on a conveyor belt by a huge sinister corporation in order to keep their workers both satisfied and surveilled at all times.
GAVE. You GAVE it to Tom.
And FTW means fuck the world, not for the win. “For the Win” may be the dumbest netism ever.
“I threw up in my mouth a little.” I don’t need anything that graphic.