Topic says it all. I’ll start:
“You’re so smart! I’d like to rip one of your eyes out and make love to that beautiful, juicy brain of yours”.
You’ve lost weight- you look great!
After a miscarriage.
Ooooh, ouch.
From a ‘Hot Topic’ T-Shirt
“you have lovely eyes, can I touch them?”
I don’t mind your breasts.
My mom got:
You’ve lost weight - you look great!
When the person telling her this knew she had cancer. It was her sister, actually.
Similar to the one in the OP, from the Patron Saint of crude humor, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman:
“I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!”
But I don’t think he meant it as a compliment.
Also not sure if his “you look like the kind of person who would fuck someone in the ass and not even have the goddamned common courtesy to give him a reacharound” is a compliment- context clues and delivery say no.
My sister got, “Your eyes are so green. I want to mow them. Can we go out sometime?”
“Um, no.”
“You’re not pretty - you just look that way.”
I got that one from a former BF.
[Ermey] Bullshit! I bet you can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. [/Ermey] 
You don’t sweat much for a fat lass.
Along those lines: “You look so much better than last time I saw you!”
Now legendary within my circle of friends. Said by Friend A to Friend B, as Friend B was in the hospital trying to recover from a surfing accident in which he broke his neck and was paralyzed. (Friend A meant that he looked better than she’d expected and liked his new haircut.)
“You’ve got a hell of a body for a gal your age.”
“What gorgeous children. Your husband must be very handsome.”
Hell no. He didn’t even intend it as humor.
That was the funniest thing I’ve heard all week!
Said in tones of great surprise: “You know, you look really good when you wear make-up.”
:dubious:
Apparently, without make-up, I’m a hideous troll, frightening children and small puppies and breaking mirrors and camera shutters with wild abandon. Fear me! I am Troll Woman!
You’re so cute I just want to chew up your face.
Also, my middle school shop teacher to my father, about me, when I was 14: “It’s a good thing she’s pretty, because she sure doesn’t have it up here!” (he meant no brains, not no breasts; it was a very stupid comment because my father had just become his boss. Also stupid because what he took for my lack of intelligence was actually that I’d found a loophole in his grading system and managed to get an A without ever actually having to go out into the shop).
Friend of a friend: “Cazzle! I didn’t recognise you. You look so nice!”
Me: “Errr… I’ll just try to take the compliment out of that, shall I?”
FoaF: “Oh, wait, I didn’t mean it like that. I just didn’t recognise you in a skirt instead of jeans”
Me: “Well, it is my brother’s wedding…”
Also
Obnoxious child: (looking at old photo) “You looked better with long hair”
Me: (drily) “Thank you”
OC: “That’s not a compliment”
Me: “…” (leaves room)
From a high school classmate:
“I can’t imagine you being rude. I can imagine you plotting to kill all of us, but I can’t imagine you being rude.”
I once got “Your eyes would be really pretty if they were blue.” Um… okay?
When my daughter was about five, she overheard me saying that I was fat, and she came over, hugged me, and said “You’re beautiful, Mommy. You’re only a *little * fat!”