most messed up you've ever been

It was the middle of Dec.91. I had just gotten off of work,where I’d had about 6 drinks.My husband picked me up,insisted I smoke one with him. I did. As soon as we walked into the doors of Parmatown mall(christmas shopping)I started laughing hilariously,doubled over. Had to sit down.He said,“everybodys looking at you!” Like I could stop at will.

My GOODNESS, she said, powdering her nose in a prim manner, I get to meet the most INteresting people on this board!

I’m afraid the most messed up I have ever been was the time I got caught in the updraft at the corner of 23rd and 5th–my petticoats were disarranged, and my hair was an absolute SIGHT.

My front left tooth is a fake. I lost the original somewhere between the bar and my house. If any of you have any details as to how I lost my tooth, please fill me in.

Well there was the time I went out on a date with this girl (first date) and we decided to go back to her place and have some drinks and what not. Well there were going to be a few other people there, so I stopped and bought one of those 1 gallon jugs of some cheap whiskey.

We get to her place, and have a few shots, and then in therough the door comes her sister. A woman I had dated for a short period of time until she told me she was married and her husband was in prison ( I honestly had no idea these women were related). Her husband was also with her.

Well aside from being worried about getting my ass handed to me, things went pretty well. He didn’t know about me and she said nothing.

Well no one else felt like drinking whiskey so I drank a hell of a lot. about 1/4 of the bottle. My date wanted me to walk her to a friends house nearby to pick her up, so we did. After returning we all drank more, and I finished down to the 3/4 mark on the bottle of whiskey.

I remember them taking it away from me. I remember stealing it back. I remember being in a car and puking out the window.

I woke up at about 3pm the next day, still in my combat boots, pants and leather jacket. No shirt (where was my shirt?). My mother was waking me up asking me why the bathroom was covered in blood, I had NO idea…

Turns out I passed out in the bathroom at the party and was a real drunken asshole, they took me home, (which was a shame since I was surely to get some before I got so blind raging drunk)and i proceeded to throw up for about 5 hours in the bathroom until i was throwing up blood.

I didn’t leave my bed for 3 days.

I didn’t drink again for 3 months.

Just add water, it makes it’s own sauce!

Mine should go in the “most embarrassing” thread too. But what the Hell.

Spring 1988, Austin, Texas

I was 19. There was this girl in my dorm named Michelle who was rumored to snort cocaine off her carpet. One night she asked me if I wanted to go clubbing. We went to a few places and had more than a few drinks. When we arrived at the third or fourth club, Michelle asked me if I’d ever tried “Ecstasy”. I told her I hadn’t so she just gave me half a tablet. She told me that it would intensify the mood I was in, whatever it was. Well, it must have been HORNY. The next thing I know I am all over this guy I’d never met. He just looked really good in his sweater. His chest just SCREAMED at me to touch it. I kept rubbing his chest and kissing him, trying to put my hands down his jeans… We left together and went back to his apartment. We got to the point where we were both naked and he had a condom on when I just yelled, “WHOA! What the Hell am I doing?” This was going to be my first sexual experience? I ended up crying and he apologized all over the place. Poor guy. I called a taxi to take me back to the dorm and ended up making out with the driver, this 40something black guy who had sung gospel to me in a deep resonant voice and got me all excited… I stopped before things went too far, went upstairs to my room and passed out. I woke up the next morning with puke on my pillow. It was grey.

Most common question I ask: “What?”
Most common question I get: “Are you really hearing impaired?”

Everclear. Kool-Aid. Top of huge sand hill in the forest preserves. Bottle of lighter fluid. Bonfire. Boom!

I stick with beer now…

Well, during one semester in grad school I used to have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, so I bought some No Doz. I would break them in half to get the equivalent to, IIRC, one or two cups of coffee. One morning, I didn’t break it in half but rather, took the whole thing. I was kind of jittery and talkative that morning.

There was also the time I was on morphine for a broken leg. It made me really sleepy.

See my post in this thread.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

Could be most embarrassing but not enough witnesses.
Went to a cheesy New Year’s party at Embassy Suites. Luckily, I was with a bunch of friends who know how and really like to party. Needless to say, we all got plastered. My wife, who was quite drunk herself, managed to get us back to our room. This is around 3 am, I’m guessing. I don’t remember going to the room. The next thing I remember, I’m standing outside of my room trying to get back in. I bang and bang on the door. My wife is sleeping soundly. I’m still in a stupor and convince myself I’m on the wrong floor. I go up one flight and start pounding on that door. Sonovagun, no answer here either. I go back to my door and pound some more. I go down one flight and pound. I mean I was pounding. Not a girly man knock, but hammering. I finally go all the way down to the front desk in the lobby. I tell the clerk my name and ask for a room key because I’ve locked myself out. He asks for some ID. I blow up. I’M IN MY FREEKING UNDERWEAR YOU MORON! Where do you pack your ID when you’re in your underwear!? I got the key and let undie clad self back in. My wife never woke up!

It’s late (2 a.m.-ish), and Leningrad is c-c-cold in the middle of December. My travelling companions and I have had a wonderful evening, drinking Stoli before, during, and after a delicious dinner of Chicken Kiev, and watching these amazing Russian dancers do their thing on stage. We close down the restaurant and head back to our hotel… but WAIT! Let’s go up to the bar for just “one more…”

Ok, I’m game. But as the elevator slowly climbs to top of the Prebaltiskaya Hotel, I realize I need to pee, so I tell my friends to order me a shot and I’ll be there in no time to drink it. I visit the Ladies’ then head right back to the bar, sit down, grab the glass in front of me and slurp it down in one big gulp. Only problem is, some wiseacre ordered me a shot of Grand Marnier -GAG!!! That stuff is nasty enough on it’s own, but have you ever taken a big swig of GM after drinking probably an entire bottle of Stoli? I barely finished the swallow before it came right back up again!

Raced to the Ladies’ again and hOaRKed my guts out. By the time I get back to the bar, there’s a couple of Russian hookers literally punching each other out, fighting over some “john.” By this time we figured it was probably a good idea to call it a night!