Thread ideas, questions, debate posts, and condolences to people who are having a tough time… I end up writing out long messages that you’ll never see because I second guess myself and delete them.
For those who don’t know, (I’ve said this before), it takes me a LONG time to express myself this way. I can’t translate what I’m thinking into words, and typing it out takes me even longer. I type everything in a separate window so I can spellcheck and, after re-reading what I’ve typed out a few times to look for mistakes, I cut and paste it to the Dope, (if I haven’t have given up by that point). There are many reasons I don’t send out messages… messages that sometimes take hours to compose.
For one thing, I don’t want to appear ignorant; My thoughts and ideas can be relevant, but I just can’t always translate them properly. I also worry about the responses I might receive, or worry about not receiving responses at all. I often stick to things I know I wont have to argue my point, because I’m simply not a good debater. I also read and want to provide kind words to people who are writing threads about a deaths in their family, or getting sick, or a loved one getting sick… but I don’t know what to say that other people haven’t already said.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s good I show restraint here… my contributions are ‘hit and miss’ as it is. I just want people here to know about the hours I’ve spent on things I don’t even post. And that I don’t ignore people’s posts who have problems. I have come here with problems of my own, and everyone’s so helpful… I want to ‘pay it forward’, you know?
I DO read a lot more here than the threads I actually contribute to. I’m on here every day. Anyway’s, I’m going to force myself to send out this message. Sorry for any mistakes.
Same here, MyFootsZZZ. As a matter of fact, I just erased two posts I was about to make! This one I am forcing myself to post.
Often I don’t post on threads because I have nothing to add. Even when a topic comes up in my teeny fields of expertise, by the time I read the thread, someone has already posted what I intended to write.
I do the same, but not to the extent you’re describing. It usually happens when I’m interested in a topic, get my thoughts written out, then realize I’m not really contributing anything to the discussion and it’s just the digital equivalent of talking to hear myself talk.
This post is a pretty good example of something I’d delete, actually. I’m hitting the post button anyway.
I do this all the time. Sometimes I feel like I’m not contributing anything and delete it. Sometimes I feel like my post could be polished up a bit, or I could spend some more time thinking it through, then I never come back to the thread. I probably only actually post about half of the messages I write.
Same here, too. Most of your post could’ve been written by me. There’s also the fear that I’ll be misunderstood somehow, which just adds more pressure to get the words down right.
I start replies a lot and change my mind about posting them. Usually it’s because I just get tired and decide what little I have to contribute isn’t worth the effort, and sometimes it’s because I’ve realized that what I was about to say wasn’t really pertinent to the discussion at hand. Once in a while I back away from posting in an attempt to not feed the Under-Bridge folk.
I also try to avoid posting in the “my dad’s dying/dog has cancer/child is mortally ill” threads because that big lump of rage at my inability to offer any actual comfort gets in the way. The pain of other people makes me incoherent.
I don’t know (and don’t want to hazard a guess regarding) the percent of messages I’ll partially compose and then scrap, but it’s pretty high and is certainly higher for OPs than for replies.
When I finally worked up the courage to start posting, I was so nervous. So worried about what people would think, would they reply, think I was an idiot? The first few years, I would have sweaty palm, heart racing and tons of anxiety about it.
Some of my posts have done fine, some have backfired when I couldn’t properly convey what I was trying. But eventually I realized that whether people like what I post or not, nothing happens to me in real life. Nothing good, nothing bad, nothing.
It’s actually been good practice for not being quite so thin-skinned. I’m highly sensitive and things affect me far more than they should so it’s kind of been good for me to have someone disagree with me or to have a post drop like a stone with nary a reply.
Remember it’s the same for you. When you post, whether people like what you’ve said or not, your life just continues on like nothing’s even happened.
