Move that superfluous sports team!

In My Humble Opinion
1

I live in a state (Oklahoma) with no major league sports franchises and slim to no chances of getting one. We know about the big boys, and try to feign interest in the Cowboys, but we got zipola in the way of a greedy megalomaniacal organization to take hometown or home state pride in.

Not so other places. Florida is crawling with big league teams - Jaguars, Dolphins, Marlins, Magic, Devil Rays, Heat, Panthers. California has teams in LA, SF, SD, Oakland, Sacramento, and wherever the hell the Golden State Warriors play. New York City has two of everything, for Christ’s sake, and that just one town. This sports franchise gluttony is getting out of hand.

So, here are your instructions.

  1. Name your major-league deprived local. Any state, province, or major metropolitan area will do.

  2. Name one extraneous team from the NFL, NHL, NBA, AL, or NL. There must be a team left behind in its city or state of origin - for example, Portland gets to keep the Trailblazers, as that’s the only game in town. Ideally your choice will be the team with the weaker original fanbase, but if you can make a good case for moving, say, the Yankees, good for you.

  3. Rename the team, if necessary. None of this Utah Jazz nonsense. There is nothing jazzy about Utah. The new name should reflect the team’s new home, not its old one. To keep with the Jazz example, Utah plasters beehive pictures on everything, so this case would be well renamed the Utah Bees. Black and yellow team colors, of course.

Since I’m starting, I’ll work with my hometown and a team I already mentioned. I give you the Oklahoma City Warriors. It’s time they had a hometown, too.

Your turn. Have fun. (Inspired by Vinnie Virginslayer’s Kill-a-team-in-each-sport thread.)

2

Well let me try here . . .

Let’s take the Montreal Expos and move them to . . . Orlando. And rename them the Orlando Ex-Expos!

We will take the New Orleans Saints and move them upriver to Memphis. I’d keep the Saints name.

In basketball, take the LA Clippers and move them to . . .hmmm . . .Las Vegas is a growing city, the Las Vegas Chippers.

Finally, let’s get those New York Islanders and move them to Saskatoon and rename them the Saskatchewan Wander-ers!!!

How dat?:slight_smile:

3

There are of large metropolitan areas in the United States that are underrepresented in the realm of professional sports – Austin, Portland, Salt Lake City, San Antonio, Richmond, Memphis, Orlando, Raleigh, Hampton Roads, and especially Las Vegas.

Here’s what I’d do …

NFL

Move either the Tampa Bay Bucs or the Jacksonville Jaguars to Orlando. The remaining team is relocated to Las Vegas, where they become the Gamblers.

Two football teams in New Jersey? Bah. The Jets are off to Portland.

Oakland Raiders? Too close to the Niners in Frisco. I like the sound of the Austin Raiders, or the San Antonio Raiders.

Major League Baseball

Pittsburgh Pirates – off to Butte, Montana with you! Scoot! Seriously … Vegas.

Montreal Expos – Francophones and baseball don’t seem to mix. They’re gonna’ be the Utah Pioneers when I’m through with 'em!

Chicago – Cubbies stay. The Sox head to Charlotte, where they become the Thumpers.

Anaheim Angels? Nope. They’re going up the coast to Portland.

NHL

New York Islanders … off to Seattle or Portland.
New Jersey Devils … they’ll trade Sopranos for Starbucks in their new Seattle home. Go Beans!

I personally think that hockey should not be played south of the Mason-Dixon line, with very few exceptions. My mass relocation includes:

Tampa Bay Lightning → Rochester Clouds
San Jose Sharks → Hamilton Lakers
Carolina Hurricanes → Cleveland Fire
Atlanta Thrashers → Kansas City Chiefs
Nashville Predators → Quebec City Nordiques
Phoenix Coyotes → Winnipeg Jets
Dallas Stars → Kitchener/Waterloo Stars
Anaheim Mighty Ducks → Regina Bears
Florida Panthers → Portland Urban Growth Boundaries

NBA

Fairly well distributed. I’d move a few dupes.

New Jersey Nets → Raleigh Nets
Golden State Warriors → Las Vegas Warriors
LA Clippers → Buffalo Braves :slight_smile:

4

Never mind. Clippers to Albuquerque, where they become the Dukes.

5

At this point, there AREN’T any obvious spots for a struggling sports franchise to relocate to.

For years, Florida was regarded as the Promised Land in baseball, and teams routinely threatened to move to Florida, if cities didn’t subsidize them. We now see that Florida was FAR from fertile ground for Major League baseball. The Marlins and Devil Rays have no future there, and there’s no obvious alternative city for them.

Maybe YOU see a major metropolis somewhere that’s crying out for big-time sports franchises, but I don’t see it at all.

6

For general information–the Golden State Warriors are from San Francisco, and SF only has one team in each category of sports, so I think the Warriors should stay where they are. But Portland needs a National League Baseball team, so those of us in the Pacific NW can see real baseball (not just excellent baseball–Go, Mariners), so I nominate moving the Diamondbacks–who have the most stupid name in all of sports history (although the Utah Jazz is close)–to Portland and re-naming them the Portland Pathfinders (to go along with the Trailblazers), or the Oregon Ogres (okay, I saw Shrek today, but it’s at least as good as the Diamondbacks or Devil Rays).

7

Think carefully … do you REALLY want the Warriors? They are a blight on the NBA.

8

The Warriors play in Oakland.
Here’s mine:

BASEBALL - Tampa Bay is a failure, let’s admit it. Send them to Portland. Screw Washington.

HOCKEY: - Again, Tampa Bay is a failure. They get to keep the Buccaneers, and the Lightning move to Hamilton and become the Hamilton Steelers.

BASKETBALL - I remember watching a Judy Tenuda standup routine where she was talking about a guy she dated who was too sensitive. He’d tell her that he wanted to cry. So she’d say “If I wanted to see men cry, I’d go to a Clippers game!”

The Clippers go to Lousiville and become the Louisville Colonels. No, not after KFC, after the old ball team.

FOOTBALL: The Baltimore Ravens are a travesty, the worst and most boring Super Bowl champion ever, and a team with a rotten name, rotten uniforms, and a rotten stench. They suck. So I have a multi-move plan:

  • The Ravens move to Phoenix and become the Arizona Stabbers.

  • The Colts move back to Baltimore.

  • The Rams move back to Los Angeles, where they belong.

  • The Cardinals move back to St. Louis, where THEY belong.

9

elmwood said:

Why? Doesn’t Vegas already have a Double-A team?

(But they can have the Bucs provided they also take PNC Park…and pay for it.)

RickJay said:

Them there are the ClevelandRams, y’know.

And those are the ChicagoCardinals.

10

Pretty good choices, except for the Saints, who have to stay put now that they’re the only team left in the Dump on the Sump. Hadn’t considered Vegas as due.

11

Move the Pirates? I’m aghast. NEVER!

Over my dead body will the Pirates move out of Pittsburgh.

Anyway, I say move the Ravens to Macon, Georgia and call them the Macon Whoopies.

[sub]Did I just say that? I’m soooo embarassed…slinks back to the hole he climbed out of…[/sub]

12

hey, what does Oklahoma need more pro sports for? Your college football team has a higher payroll than most of the NFL.

Doors - are you aware there is a minor league hockey team called the Macon Whoopie? Also a Canadian team called the Castor Raiders…

13

I’d move the Expos to Portland, OR and the White Sox to Charlotte or Memphis.

Why? Re-alignment. Make these moves, and we can have neat geographical divisions:

North East: Boston, New York, New York, Philadelphia, Toronto
North Central: Detroit, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Minnesota
North West: Seattle, Portland, Colorado, San Francisco, Oakland
South East: Atlanta, Baltimore, Charlotte/Memphis, Florida, Tampa Bay
South Central: Texas, St. Louis, Kansas City, Cincinnati, Chicago (Cubs)
South West: Houston, Arizona, San Diego, Los Angeles, Anaheim