Wow. Some people are really overreacting to this. Let me just clarify a few things again:
I am not “angry” about this. I don’t think the other people were “dicks.” They never approached me or asked me anything. My inference about their possibly wanting us to move came solely from the muttering at the other end of the row followed by the couple next to us shifting over one space.
Contrary to what **Acsenray **might infer about me, I am not a mean person. I don’t go out of my way to screw up other people’s days. In fact, I usually make an effort to be nice to people. I hold doors for them, I say “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me,” I don’t butt in line, I don’t text or use my cell phone in theaters…I go out of my way to be considerate most of the time.
I do not feel that it’s my obligation to always put my own wishes and desires behind those of other people, simply because they exist. When I specifically make an effort to legitimately acquire something I want (like a particular theater seat, a spot at the beginning of a line, or another such thing that requires a bit of effort and forethought on my part) then I believe there is no obligation for me to give up that thing simply because somebody shows up who “needs” it more than I do. Note that this is always tempered by circumstances (for example, if I’m first in line for the bathroom and somebody comes in with a small child in distress, or I have a bus seat and an older or disabled or pregnant person comes in, I will give up my claim on said thing in order to be a decent person. BUT…in this case, the late group’s claim on being able to sit together (which, I will reiterate, they were STILL able to do) does not obligate me to give up my good seat in order to accommodate them. Other than their size and their lateness (two factors which they had under their control–and no, I don’t consider the fact that getting groups to get their shit together and accomplish anything is an exercise in futility to be ‘out of their control’)–they had no reason to expect that they had any greater claim on my seat than I did. Thus, I didn’t move. I don’t apologize for this, nor do I think I have to. For the duration of the movie, that was MY seat. If the theater staff asked me to move, I’d move. If a random group of latecoming strangers asked me to, I would not.
ETA: Not that this is relevant, but I’m female and the spouse is male.
We’ll have to disagree about that. Previews are commercials in my opinion. Commercials that I can see ad nauseum on television or you tube or the studio’s web site if I wish.
Quick, everybody race to the bottom!
It’s easy to feel justified when you rationalize other peoples’s behavior. Slap a “dick” label on somebody and that gives you the right to be one in return? The fact that somebody has unvarnished interpersonal skills doesn’t mean it’s OK for me to lower mine to match.
It’s possible to politely decline a reasonable request. “I’d rather not,” is a perfectly valid way to respond to someone asking you to inconvenience yourself on their behalf.
The fact that they think you’re rude for not giving them what they want does not, in fact, make it rude to decline their request.
Heh. No, I don’t feel at all guilty about it. I enjoyed the movie from my preferred seat. The group seemed to enjoy the movie just fine. A good time was had by all.
How is doing nothing but staying in my seat and paying them no attention being a dick to them? That’s the sense of entitlement that I’m talking about. “People who don’t give me what I want are being dicks.”
It amazes me how wonderful people on the SDMB can be. You expect him to give up his seat. Hmmm.
I take a day off work so that I might be the first person on line to buy a ticket for an event. 10 minutes before the box office opens, a group of people walk up to me and ask if they can cut the line so that they can all get tickets in the same section.
Do you “nice people” let them get ahead of you?
There’s just one birthday cake left for sale at the bakery. You’re next in line and you’ve been waiting 20 minutes for this. A woman races in and asks to get ahead of you so that she can buy a birthday cake for her friend.
Do you “nice people” let them get ahead of you?
You’ve been waiting at the bar for a table at a nice restaurant for almost an hour. A couple walks in and asks to take your spot. You COULD eat at the bar.
Do you “nice people” give up your spot?
Since the theater was already dark the first person in the group may not have even realized that there were not enough seats open in the row. When the lights are already down I think people tend to make a beeline for the closest open seats. So the group heads down the row to sit down and the last couple people in the group kind of bump and bungle around when they realize they are short one seat. It’s kind of an awkward moment because the person without a seat probably just wants to sit down as quickly as possible and may not know that the first person in the group has nowhere to go (without asking someone to move, of course), which might explain the uncomfortable delay. At that moment, for the person stranded on the end, having everyone move down one seems like a simple solution, not realizing that it’s kind of rude to disrupt the other patrons. After all, you’re just trying to end the disruption of coming in late as quickly as possible and, oh wait, duh, I can just sit in the row behind.
I don’t think this perspective absolves them from being slightly rude. Yet another reason to get to the show on time! Hopefully a lesson learned for the group.
It would really depend on my mood - if I was feeling REALLY charitable I might have moved if asked, but generally I think I would have just let the group find seats in one of the other 20 open rows. OP - I think you were fine.
Jali, none of these situations is at all equivelent. It’s my understanding that the OP was not asked to “give up her seat,” bit to move over one seat to a seat that was functionally the same (same comfort level, basically the same view) as the first. Moving would not impact her viewing experience in any significant way, beyond the ten second hassle of moving from one seat to another.
I find it funny I’m being called self-rightous by people who are on a high horse about what time strangers go to the movie (yeah, teach 'em a lesson there), but eh. Do what you like. Some people like to get upset about stuff, I guess.
Late comers are welcome to sit in any *unoccupied *seat in the house; they are not welcome to spots that are already taken. And to address another point made earlier in the thread, yes, the previews do count as part of the presentation – at every theatre I’ve ever been in, the movie start time on the marquee is when they start running the previews, not when they start running the feature presentation. So it’s all part of the paid-for package, even if you don’t really want to be paying for 10 minutes of ads before the movie begins.
I wouldn’t have moved either and if I arrive after the lights are down, I sit wherever I can find an empty spot, not somewhere where someone has to relocate for me. The large group were totally douchebags in this scenario.
I vastly prefer to have one or even two buffer seats, if the theater isn’t full. I HATE having to put my purse and possibly my wrap on the theater floor. That floor is probably all sticky and filthy. Now, if the theater is nearly full, that changes, because the latecomers do have more right to a seat than my purse does. But if there are plenty of empty seats, then the other people can choose from those empty seats, rather than expecting others to move.
Generally, I try not to reward bad behavior. Many people and companies find it too easy to give in to obnoxious behavior. Granted, the latecomers didn’t seem to appear to feel entitled to those seats, but the OP’s spouse evidently felt that moving down one seat would be great.
As I said, I’m one of the chronically late arrivers myself. My inability to get my shit together in a timely fashion should not obligate other people to accommodate me. If I don’t get a seat where I want it, it’s not a big deal, I’ll have to sit further back than I prefer. If getting a seat in a particular section matters so much to me, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll manage to get to the theater in time to find one that’s more to my liking.
I agree, it can be awkward getting seated. It’s dark, the movie is about to start, you’re blocking people by standing up, you’re worried about getting a seat, etc.
A stubborn person down the row does nothing to help the situation.
