What are some movies you really liked when you were little, but when you watch now you think to yourself, “Man, I can’t believe I was ever that naive”?
For me that would be “No Retreat No Surrender,” the 1986 martial arts vehicle that’s probably most famous as Jean Claude Van Damme’s first movie.
In case you don’t remember, JCVD played the bad guy - a Russian fighter who worked for a group of mobsters that was apparently trying to take over the karate studio business on the west coast. The only person who can defeat him: a scrawny teenager who is taught to kick ass by the ghost of Bruce Lee. It has all the hallmarks of 1980s Kung Fu cinema - a training montage, philosophical gibberish, a big climactic fight in which the bad guy beats everyone up except for our underdog hero.
I remember watching it as a kid and thinking it was the coolest movie in the world. Hell, the first time I saw it I even had to rewind the tape and watch it twice because I thought it was so badass. I saw it recently however and I couldn’t believe just how cringe-inducing it was. The acting is almost non-existent, the dialogue atrocious, even the color correction off.
Even though I was a teenager when I saw it, I’d probably also include “The Phantom Menace,” but I think that was more a case of being so pumped to see it and wanting to like it so bad, that I tricked myself into thinking it was good. Yeah Jar Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd were awful, but I told myself that the Darth Maul lightsaber fight at the end more than made up for it.
Later on that I summer I was with a group of people discussing all the great movies that came out that year - The Matrix, South Park, The Sixth Sense, American Pie, etc. - and realized that nobody had mentioned anything about “The Phantom Menace.” Even though it was the highest grossing movie of that year I was struck by how nobody really seemed to remember it. But I reluctantly admitted to myself then that that was because George Lucas had given us nothing memorable.
Paint Your Wagon with Clint Eastwood, Lee Marvin and Jean Seberg. As a youngster, watching these “unapologetically amoral” guys have a rollickin’ good time in the wild days of the gold rush with easy on the eyes Seberg was plenty entertaining. Years later though when I saw it again as an adult I was surprised at just how badly it bogged down midway through. Also, while some of the songs, like Marvin’s I was Born Under a Wandering Star were pleasant enough, others were perfectly awful, Eastwood’s Gold Fever for one.
I suppose it was an okay enough show but dropped from an A to a C as I (and my tastes) matured.
Short Circuit.
Sigh.
Especially after Wall-E came out. I loved Short Circuit but now I can’t even watch it. Neverending Story is getting up there too.
I saw Xanadu TWICE in the theater.* Then again, I was a 13-year-old girl at the time, smack dab in the middle of its target audience.
*Redundant, I guess, since that was pretty much the only way to see a current movie back in 1980. But in our family at least, paying twice to see the same movie was unheard of.
Hm, I think just about any Disney animated movie from the early 90s. Looking back some of them are really corny and the stories hardly make sense but I loved those things when I was young.
The Blues Brothers. When I was 18, I thought it was really funny. But, I watched a few years ago and could not believe how bad it was…
Sacrilege! It’s as awesome as it ever was!
I’ll have to think about movies and get back to you. The TV shows pop right into my head. Battlestar Galactica. Buck Rogers. Six Million Dollar Man. Dukes of Hazard. We only had one TV. I am so sorry that I put my parents through this. I also made sure I watched the Star Wars Christmas Special and the KISS halloween movie. God that stuff was awful.
Memphis Belle. Well, it doesn’t make me cringe, but it’s not half as good as I remembered. I think that mostly my disappointement comes from mixing scenes from some TV show (“Amazing stories”?) that also was about a WWII bomber. When is that guy getting trapped and they have to land withouth the wheels and kill him? I kept on thinking.
The Ewok Adventure. ET. Lots more only I don’t remember then right now. Oh, oh, Labyrinth! When I was 14 that was the coolest movie EVER. I had the soundtrack. (OK, I still have it somewhere…)
I still like The Neverending Story, though it’s certainly got some pretty awful bits. I showed it to my kids recently and they were completely blown away by it–my 8yo cried.
Clash of the Titans. I thought the Special FX were awesome!
Red Dawn. In high school I thought that was the coolest thing ever…Go Wolverines! Plucky teens hiding in the woods and getting back at the evil Ruskie invaders! Patrick Swazie! “That anger will burn you up.” “It’s what keeps me warm.”
Holy crap that thing aged badly.
Billy Jack.
It’s being remade FWIW
puts on flame retardant suit
Star Wars.
I find the first movie(A New Hope) now very unsatisfying. Bad editing, acting and story telling.
Awesome! Thanks.
“How the West was Won”. Maybe it was the Cinerama that made this horrible guest star laden mess seem fantabulous when I was little.
Yes, Clash of the Titans for sure.
Also, The Beast Master, featuring a barbarian who talks to the animals.
My brother and I would watch these over and over, slaw-jawed with amazement the entire time. When they were on HBO, of course.
I just watched The Neverending Story last week at around 1 in the morning. Wow. Talk about a disappointment from my childhood viewing. The entire movie must have been made on a $15 budget ($5 of which were spent on muppets) with an Apple IIC providing the special effects. I also think The Nothing ripped plot holes in the script.
By the way, The Last Dragon? Saw that last week. Still as completely awesome as ever.
I wonder if this is just a side effect of getting older and the movies we like now will seem just as lame when we are seventy.