MTV Cribs is a guilty pleasure of mine. I enjoy watching it for the same reason that I enjoy watching “Worlds Deadliest Police Chases”. You watch knowing that something horrible is just around the corner.
For example, I just finished watching an episode featuring a rapper known as “Birdman” from a group called “The Cash Money Millionares”.
No, really, I’m not making this up!
Anyway, Mr. Birdman is there sporting the au rigour rapper accoutrements: Gold tooth caps, thick platinum rope necklace, Rolex watch, designer track suit. He shows the cameras around his pre-fab millionare pad. The kind of pre-made, pre-decorated, expansive, expensive, fashionably sterile houses that all the overpaid salesmen I know own in Las Vegas (tax dodge, no state property taxes).
He’s got three flat screen TV’s in his living room – three! Two side by side, one wall-mounted on the opposing wall. Not unlike a ‘Sim’s’ house with the money cheat activated. He’s got several custom designed Crystal champagne bottles conspicuously lying about (at $2000 a bottle). He mentions with pride that he just can’t live with factory paint schemes on his fleet of uniquely ugly BMW SUV’s, so he just has to get them done with custom paint jobs; candy apple red rather than the oh-so proletariat cherry red, not to mention the classy “hey, my rim’s spin!” spinning chrome rims. Not to mention the gold tooth cap rattling bass stereo system.
Ugh…
All this is interspaced with clips of his videos. Now, granted, I’m not up on rap/hip-hop culture, but I strongly suspect this clown is a marginal act at best. Am I right thinking that this is a brief oasis of prosparity before this guy files from bankruptcy and has to hide his gold teeth from repo men, or am I merely jealous as I watch him sip champagne as he shows off his walk-in closet full of name brand sneakers as I poke at my home made chili?
Just consider this guy part of the “noise” end of the signal-to-noise ratio you get with this show. He’s balanced out by the NBA players, Jerry Cantrell’s ranch, and Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s basement nightclub. Did you see the urinal in Rasheed Wallace’s bathroom?
Of course it’s not sustainable. He’ll run out of cash, get messed up on drugs, get thrown out his band, do time, sober up, find Jesus, stage a comeback, and end up on VH1’s Behind the Music. It’s the Circle of Life, man.
I have thought the same thing. Some of these people they have on there are just newcomers or not very famous. Alot of the rappers, I mean ALOT of them, seem like they must be living beyond their means. I am pretty up on the music scene, rap and rock, and alot of these guys don’t even have but one album out with maybe one single that is not even a hit. I wonder where all this money is coming from?
Seems that rappers are huge into gold, flashy, gaudy, shit. And Krystal. Ohyeah, most have their names or initials built into the house somewhere. Like in the floor or furninture or walls. Very full of themselves.
Rockers are into toys and gadgets and don’t typically seem to spend as much money on tacky shit like gold plates for the dinner table.
Sports stars seem to have the nicest houses and the nicest living rooms.
By far the greatest crib I have seen on there was Tommy Lee’s. Followed closely by Hugh Hefner.
Anyone see see the stripper pole in Big Boi’s living room? That was a classic “Cribs” decor moment.
I agree with Stinkpalm as well. A lot of these rappers must be living on large credit lines. I’ve barely heard of a lot of them and they’ve got multimillion dollar houses. They should have a “Cribs Looks Back” special where they go try and find some of these people.
'Course it could be my jealousy that these marginally talented hacks are living it up whilst I’m working for the man every night and day. I still haven’t been as pissed as when some show (not Cribs) had Pauly freaking Shore’s huge mansion on. You hear me?? Pauly Shore has a mansion and lots of people can’t afford decent housing. Proof that there is no God.
I’m trying to figure out how long it will take before the general populace gets completely fed up watching these feebs parade their excesses, and decide that enough is enough and finally march on MTV HQ, burning it to the ground.
I mean, come on! How many custom painted luxury cars does one need???
Did anyone see Alien Ant Farm’s Crib? It’s the one dude’s Grandmother’s house! and they were all sitting around in smoking jackets in this messy house with beer cans all over the place… it was awesome!
To balance the excess of cribs belonging to Birdman, Big Boi, or any other rapper on the show, review the episode that featured Redman’s crib. A simple two or three bedroom house with a broken doorbell, dudes sleeping (or, more to the point, passed out) on the floor, a hearty selection of porn videos, an industrial-size bottle of hand lotion on the nightstand, unmade bed, unwrapped gifts piled in the kitchen, a dollar box on top of the refrigerator (an idea I’d like to embrace, as when I’m short of train fare I’d love to dip into a shoebox stuffed with my spare bills), and a totally cringe-worthy bathroom.
There was an Onion article once (it’s in one of the books now) about “Rappers suffering from unrealistically high self-image” or something to that effect.
There are a few things about Cribs that fascinate me. For one thing, i notice how often someone has a movie theater or ice skating rink or zeppelin hanger in their home and then says, “I never use it.” Second, it’s disturbing to me how many of the owners have people just hanging around their house. One guy had a movie theater and when we looked in, there’s five or six people watching something, none of whom acknowledge their presumed host at all, who also doesn’t say anything about them. Is that the price of stardom? It’s creepy.
Third, and most amusing, is when you see someone who has all of these high-tech gadgets and customized cars and androids and yet is most amazed and happy showing off some kind of juicer or can opener.
All fair indications that this isn’t really his home at all. More likely he’s short-term renting, or it’s a record company tied house that he’ll quickly find himself thrown out of when the next big thing comes along, or it’s a complete sham, he’s got it for the weekend for the benefit of the cameras.
The place is full of hangers-on, few of whom he knows or whether they have any business being there or whether they’re friends of friends or record company people. Some of them have probably been hanging out there longer than he has.
You can also be sure that he had little involvement in the decoration or fit-out of the place. It’s all stuff that’s comes with the rental, or some hired interior designer has bought in as a job-lot. Not exactly the personal touch.
All in all, doesn’t sound like much of a ‘crib’ to me. These guys are surrounded by very expensive junk and people they have little or no personal attachment to, but are supposed to be responsible for. You’d be better off in a flash hotel room, at least there you are free from the responsibility.
They must feel very ‘rootless’ and lonely. Isn’t it nice to know that conspicuous consumption can rent or buy you a house, but it doesn’t make it a home?
Dave Navarro had an interesting house. He had a mural of a guy blowing another’s brains out. It was taken from a fairly famous photo. He said it reminded him that life was precious, etc. He realized it was a little over the top, but he admitted that he was an over the top kinda guy.
>>>A lot of these rappers must be living on large credit lines. I’ve barely heard of a lot of them and they’ve got multimillion dollar houses.
So let’s see, I have trouble getting approved for a used car loan and I’ve had a job since I was 15. This is probably the rappers first employment and enough credit for 80 cars?
The freakiest “Cribs” I ever saw was “Little Bow Wow.” I happened to catch it while channel-surfing and couldn’t stop shouting at the screen “Dude, how can you have a crib. You were just in a crib.”
IANA major-label musical artist, but as far as I know, you have to sell close to a million copies of an album to see a profit with your average entry-level record deal. However, record labels do tend to front large amounts of money to the artist to live off of and record with, but it’s all recoupable, so Birdman will probably have to start watching for the repo man pretty soon.
I enjoyed Rob Zombie’s place and Hef’s mansion, although it seemed smaller than I’ve envisioned.
The funniest part of that show is when the people can’t name or pronounce the stuff they bought.
The sad part is most of them will be bankrupt and selling all that ‘bling-bling’ in a few years. I’d be like them, too, and enjoy it while I can.
Did anyone see the Cedric the Entertainer skit about the successful rapper who wanted to rap about his maid not cleaning his mansion correctly, instead of rapping about thug-life. He was trying to ‘keep it real’. Hilarious.
