How can I possibly say no to someone named Eva Luna ? Quite simply I can’t, so hoping I don’t tick off any Moderators, may their years be long and happy, here’s a list of Cuban Insults, along with their translations. And because I can’t help myself I’m also going to include some “piropos”, or lines Cuban men use when complimenting women. Feel free to contribute your own. Here it goes:
The quintessential Cuban insult, of course, involves “mentar la madre”, or talking about your momma, the following are all samples of this:
“Me cago en tu madre”, I shit on your mother.
“Me resingo tu madre”, I fuck your mother twice.
“Me resingo en el Corazon the la puta de tu madre”, I fuck twice the heart of your whore of a mother (that doesn’t sound good, does it?)
Of course the words “cagar”, to shit; “singar”, to fuck; “puta”, whore, and the doubling prefix “re” can be used any number of times and in combination to enhance the effect. Be advised though, if your level of insulting has escalated to this, either you or the person you’re insulting is going to die. Maybe not die, but there will be some major ass kicking. Moving on.
“El culo tuyo ha visto visto mas pingas que un baño publico", your ass has seen more dicks than a public bathroom.
“Se te murieron los siete enanitos, Blanca Nieves, el lobo, y el leñador”, meaning mostly that you stink, this translates as roughly: You smell like the dead seven dwarves, Snow White, the wolf, and the woodsman”
“Metete la lengua en el culo”, stick your tongue up your ass.
“Que pinga es la que te singa”, this translates as “Which dick has been fucking you”, and as an insult it means “You’re obviously gay”, but it can also be used as a friendly greeting as in “How’ve you been?”, no really.
“Me cago en la mierda”, I shit on shit itself, this is usually the ending of a whole tirade of things you’re shitting on, as in “Me cago en La Revolucion, me cago en Fidel, me cago en Cuba, y me cago en la mierda”, or “I shit on the Revolution, I shit on Fidel, I shit on Cuba, and a I shit on shit itself”. Yes, this one was one my father’s favorites.
“Anuncio agua y cayo mierda”, when confronting an unpleasant person, translates as “We were expecting rain, instead we got shit”
“Te estoy midiendo y no es para ropa”, roughly meaning I’m running out of patience with you, translates as “I’m taking your measure, and it’s not for making you a suit.”
As much as I enjoy curses, I think Cuban men really show their creativity when complimenting women. Granted most of these “compliments” sound crude, but you should know that Cubans are very easy going and take very little seriously. For instance a Cuban man may say to an attractive woman “Niña, esta como caña de Mayo, lista para meterte el machete”, or “Girl, you’re like sugar cane in May, ready to feel my machete”, and the woman is just as likely to smile sweetly and make some comment along the lines of: “Machete si, pero lo unico que veo es navajita”, or “Machete, sure, but all I see is a little knife”. Anyways, here are some Piropos”
“Esta como una quicallita, chiquitica pero bien surtidita”, or “You’re like the Five and Dime, small but well stocked.
“Te comeria con ropa y todo, aunque este una semana cagando trapos”, or “I would eat you clothes and all, even if I have to spend a week shitting rags.”
“Tu con tanta carne y yo pasando hambre”, or “Look at all that meat, and I’m starving over here”
“Tantas curvas y yo sin frenos”, or “So many curves and I don’t have any brakes.”
“Si cocinas como caminas me como hasta la raspita:, “If you cook like you walk, I would clean out my plate”
To a slightly older woman, “Estas como la historia de Cuba, vieja pero interesante”, “You’re like the history of Cuba, old but interesting.”
To a woman with a big ass, and a big ass in Cuba is a GOOD thing “Escondente que te van a multar por exceso de carga en el maletero”, “Better hide or you’ll be fined for too much junk in the trunk.”