Musically, how do you like your breakup?

Quick and dirty! - Vonda Shepard

But I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow

Roughly! - John Eddie

Don’t let me down easy
Leave me bruised and scarred
Don’t let me down easy, please
Let me down hard

Take it easy - Brenda Lee/Juice Newton

If you must take your love away
Take it gradually
And break it to me gently

Fancifully! - Andrew Lloyd Webber

I know the way we should spend that day
Take me to a zoo that’s got chimpanzees
Tell me on a Sunday, please

Passive-aggressive - A Great Big World

Say something I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would have followed you

The direct approach - Ray Charles

Hit the road, Jack,
And doncha come back no more.

It’s not you, it’s me - Bob Dylan

It ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe

It’s not me, it’s you - Cee Lo Green

I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough
I’m like,
And fuck her too.”
I said,
“If I was richer, I’d still be with ya”
Ha, now ain’t that some shit?
(Ain’t that some shit?)
And although there’s pain in my chest
I still wish you the best
With a…

Can’t we all just get along - Jerry Reed

She got the goldmine, (She got the goldmine,)
I got the shaft. (I got the shaft.)
They split it right down the middle,
And then they give her the better half.
Well, it all sounds sorta funny,
But it hurts too much to laugh.
She got the goldmine, I got the shaft.

Now listen up. You ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
Why, they give 'er the color televison set.
Then they give ‘er the house, the kids and both of the cars.
Well, then they started talkin’ about child support, alimony,
And the costs to the court.
Didn’t take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was.

Sad and resigned.

Dave Mason, “We Just Disagree”:

There ain’t no good guy
There ain’t no bad guy
There’s only you and me
And we just disagree


I came home
To an empty flat
She’d left me a note
And taken the cat.

Procol Harum, “Toujours l’Amour”

I like my breakups like I like my coffee – not at all.

Deadly - Miranda Lambert

I’m gonna show him what little girls are made of
Gunpowder and lead

His fist is big but my gun’s bigger
He’ll find out when I pull the trigger

Destructive - Carrie Underwood

'Cause I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive,
Carved my name into his leather seats…
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
Slashed a hole in all four tires…
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.

Definitive - Taylor Swift

We are never ever ever getting back together


Philosophically - The Fantastics

Deep in December it’s nice to remember although you know the snow will follow
Deep in December it’s nice to remember without the hurt the heart is hollow
Deep in December it’s nice to remember the fire of September that made us mellow
Deep in December our hearts should remember and follow

Comedic: L L Cool Jay

“Lisa’s got a big ‘ole butt,
So I’m leavin’ you! Seeee Yaaa!”

Scrape your shoe and move on - Paul Simon

You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Quicker and dirtier - Bruce Springsteen

“Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back”

Similarly Springsteen:

Bobby said he’d pull out Bobby stayed in
Janey had a baby it wasn’t any sin
They were set to marry on a summer day
Bobby got scared and he ran away

Bouncy - The Cyrkle

I should have known you’d bid me farewell
There’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well
Now, I know you’re not the only starfish in the sea
If I never hear your name again, it’s all the same to me


Last minute - Gilbert O’Sullivan:

Left standing in the lurch at a church
Were people saying, My God, that’s tough
She stood him up
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally

Logical and no fuss - Mike Nesmith

I ain’t saying you ain’t pretty
All I’m saying is I’m not ready
For any person place or thing
To try and pull the reins in on me

So good-bye I’ll be leaving
I see no sense in this crying and grieving
We’ll both live a lot longer
If you live without me

Religious - Roy Clark

Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone.


It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal
I can’t hear you anymore
I’m a-thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right


Yes, I really got to hand it to you
‘Cause girl you really tried
But for ev’ry time that we spent laughin’
There were two times that I cried
And you were tryin’ to make me your martyr
And that’s the one thing I just couldn’t do
'Cause baby, I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you


I know you just cooked up this mess to find out exactly how
Long you could keep me stuck in it
Pick up your telephone dial information ask for the time
You can calculate it to the last goddamn minute, now look-
You did not have to hurt me baby
No you did not need to be that cruel
I’ll be your lover or your friend darling
I’ll be Goddamn, 6 feet under ground, dead in my grave, buried and long forgot
I’ll be so long gone and forgot that my flesh will have turned and returned to the nutrients and elements and the molecules from which it originated
I mean to say that the genus and species of worms that used to crawl in and out of the sockets of my eyelid holes will vanish from the face of the earth
I need to say I’ll see the earth leave its orbit
I’ll wear the rings of Saturn for a ring around my little pinky
I’ll let your sister marry a Venutian
I will see you dead
I’ll see your lover dead
I’ll see his lover dead
I’ll see his lover dead
I’ll see his lover dead
I’ll see that faggot dead
I’ll see everyone you ever knew, loved, touched, stood next to, heard of, smelt, felt, dreamed about in your life or any of your descendant’s lives – down to the 168th person
Roasted and tortured in hell
For 1 billion trillion years
16 eternity’s
27 forevers
11 thousand years after that before I will be your fool!

Sobbing with relief:

I was tremblin’, as I put on my jacket
It had creases as sharp as a knife
I put the ring in my pocket
But there was a note
And my heart it jumped into my mouth
It read, “Darlin’, I’m sorry to hurt you.
But I have no courage to speak to your face.
But I’m down in Virginia with your cousin Lou
There be no wedding today.”
So help me, please doctor, I’m damaged
You can put back my heart in its hole
Oh mama, I’m cryin’
Tears of relief
And my pulse is now under control

Presidentially: (Something Fierce)

You claimed to be an immaculate candidate.
Little did I know how well you could fabricate.
You ran a nasty campaign from the start.
You had your henchmen break into my heart.
You were unfaithful and I was unsmart
But now this is how you’ll be remembered,
This is your Watergate
You will resign in disgrace.
Our love will now be dismembered
This is your Watergate
This is the egg on your face.