SLITHY, that is so true. In my hometown, my best friend’s mother, who moved there from Colorado 30 years ago, always said if she was every struck by a car the local newspaper would say COLORADO WOMAN HIT BY CAR.
YOSEMITEBABE, I think you need to perfect the Thin Smile. Any comment like “We’ll make a local of you yet!” – objectionable for sheer inanity, regardless of whether the person addressed even wants to be a local – may be met with the Thin Smile. “Have you been to Bob’s House of BBQ? Isn’t it the best place in the world???” Thin smile. “Come on, admit it – this is better than California, isn’t it?” Thin smile.
I will reiterate, however, that if you’re that homesick, maybe you should think of going home? If not to stay (if you can’t, or at least not right now), maybe for a visit? Sometimes a stop to “refill the tank” with the people and places we love can help us to tolerate the people and places we don’t love quite so much.
A fellow I work with used to constantly bitch about living here (Bay Area, CA) and he had only moved from San Diego. Never said a good thing about this place and had nothing but praise for S.D. I’m not exploding with civic pride but his daily rants began wearing thin, to the point where my answer was “Shut up and move back”.
As I got to know him better, I learned that one of his reasons for moving was to be with his long-time girlfriend. They ended up splitting 3 months after he got here. He hated his job, hated living with his roommates, etc. So I think he naturally equated the misery he felt with this area. I guess San Diego reminded him of a simpler, more fun life (college, fraternity, surfing).
Thanks! I will do that! And YES, that one woman does do the “This is better than California, right?” thing. Oh puleeze.
I have given the “thin smile”, or a “amused smile” when people try to trash California. I am sure I am not the only Californian who DOESN’T CARE that some people hate Calif. So what if they don’t want to visit? So what if they think it is a smog riddled cesspool! Stay away! They couldn’t handle the freeways anyway! I just don’t wring my hands in distress when someone tells me how they didn’t like their visit to California, or that they have no desire to visit. I give my thin smile and tell them of a bumper sticker I used to see a lot: “Welcome to California - Now Go Home”. I just don’t care. That tactic won’t work on me (or most Californians, I daresay.)
Oh, of course! I try to visit between 1-3 times a year. I have decent vacation time at my current job, so whenever I have a few days off, I’m on a plane home. It REALLY helps.
Which brings me to another thing - I have actually had a few people say (in a critical tone) “Why don’t you go somewhere else for your vacation? There are places around here to see!” Give me a freakin’ break. Where I spend my vacation is NONE of their business. God Forbid I want to see all my friends and family (not to mention “fill my tank” at Yosemite). Why people feel entitled to be even slightly offended that I dare to return California frequently is beyond me.
I mean, I’ve had a few people say “What does California have that we don’t have anyway?” Which is a completely lame question. EVERY state or region has unique elements. South Dakota has Mount Rushmore. Tennessee has Nashville. Colorado has the Rockies. If I were from South Dakota, Tennesse or Colorado, I’d probably miss those things. Why shouldn’t I?
And let’s be real here. California is known for certain things, and not other things. It’s known for the movie industry, mountains, beaches, Disneyland, Hollywood Bowl, and so on. I have actually gotten people try to tell me that their amusement park/symphony hall/whatever is “just as good” as what’s in California. It’s rarely true. But that doesn’t make their region BAD. Their region has many enviable things that California doesn’t have. It’s the same everywhere. No one state or region can have everything for everyone.
Another rant (while I’m on a roll here) is what is so offensive about me mentioning (quite rarely) that “Oh yeah, I know someone who works on that TV show” or “Oh yeah, I saw that movie filming” or something like that. I do this RARELY. I don’t think this is such an outragious thing to mention, when the coversation is movies, TV, celebrites, or what have you. I don’t expect people to be terribly enthralled - but why does such a comment deserve stony silence? Occasionally, people just can’t change the subject fast enough, or they act as if I never said a thing. This is odd. I remember telling a Star Trek fan that one of my friends wrote an episode of the original series. I knew some interesting Trekkie tidbits, I figured he might like to hear about them. So I mentioned my writer friend - and it was as if I had said nothing. This guy just completely ignored what I’d said, and kept on talking as if I’d never said anything. It was a bit creepy. What was so offensive about that? A simple “That’s nice” would have sufficed.
Well, some people are freaky. Thankfully, many people (especially the pottery people) are quite wonderful. (I think all that clay makes them extra cool!)
I don’t know you, babe, but I have to echo Jodi and FallenAngel. I am so sick of hearing the Cali transplants whine about how we here in Utah are a bunch of backwards, inbred, polygamist banjo-players. I have been to California more than once, and what I saw briefly through the smog was endless suburbs interspersed with filthy high-crime cities from Sacramento to Tijuana. And people from California drive like assholes; bumper-to bumper at 70mph, changing lanes without signalling. Then they move to Utah and bitch about the way we drive. If you cut someone off here, you’ll get the digitus infamous, not a pistol shot.
I wasn’t born in Utah and I have lived in several other states. I could live anywhere I choose. There are aspects of Utah culture that I don’t care for, Namely the lock-step, knee-jerk religious right-wing politics and lack of seperation of church and state. But I choose to live here because the aspects that I like outweigh them. One of which is that it ain’t the smog-filled, over-populated cultural and social toilet that we have to conserve our water because it was promised to.
Do yourself and everyone a favor and go home.
Lets get something straight. It’s not a ‘Californian’ thing to bad-mouth a new state. As I said before, I hear that shit all the time from people transplanted from wherever… I’m here in LA, and believe me, we get lots and lots of transplants. As many, or more, than anywhere else in the country.
It pisses us off to hear how things, for whatever reason, were better in Montana, Maine, Tennessee, Ohio(where I’m from :D), or anywhere else. I’m getting to the point where I wanna ask “if it was that great, why the fuck did you leave???”
Please - exactly who is that anti-CA diatribe directed at? Surely not me. If you had read my most recent post (The one right above yours) you would realize that I DON’T CARE. (Any other Californians that are deeply wounded by jack@ss’s comments? Any of you wringing your hands in distress because jack@ss doesn’t like CA? No…didn’t think so.)
What’s this?!? You are complaining about Utah! You are complaining about the “lock-step” and “knee jerk religious” types. HOW DARE you complain! Move out of Utah immediately! You must love everything about Utah in order to live there!!!
Why are your negative statements about Utah somehow acceptable? Why can’t I not like certain things about the state I currently live in? I stay here for important personal reasons. I have certain obligations that make it necessary to stay here. My choice. The fact that I am less than enchanted with certain aspects of the state I currently live in does not negate the still-compelling reasons why I stay. And (I repeat again) as long as I don’t bitterly complain to the locals, what’s the big deal? What is so offensive about the concept that I don’t kiss the ground of the state I currently live in? To repeat the OP, MUST I love everything?
That’s exactly it. There have been many times that I have told people that it’s just a “homesick” thing. No insult intended towards their State. I just miss home. If I were from Washington, or Oregon, I’d still miss it. I’d still pine for it.
Now that I am past my “bitching phase” and I try to be careful about what I say, I still find that some people are bothered that I don’t totally embrace all things about this State. And, to cite an example I gave previously, the mere mention of a friend in the movie business (a “California thing”) will get stony silence from some people. And I emphasize, I haven’t been bitching to these people, so what is their problem, anyway? Why am I not allowed to mention Disneyland, or the mountains, or whatever, without ruffling feathers of some people? I’m NOT bitching, or making comparisons. I’m just mentioning Disneyland when a conversation is about amusment parks. Exactly what is so wrong with this?
Some people seem to expect that I should love ALL things about this new state, and that I must tell them how horrible California is, and how I am SO lucky I got out . Nothing less will satisfy them. Is this really reasonable? I certainly think not. I think it’s bullshit.
and why the fuck am I expected to laugh along with every bone-headed assknot who thinks that taking a potshot at the Garden State is synonymous with being clever? and that there is some unwritten rule that you have to be a good sport when some no-nothing dick-splinter bags on your home state based on what they know from watching tv and hearing other people bag on it?
You like what you know. I’ve been to California–San Diego and San Francisco areas–and while they were nice enough places, I had no urge to move there. I don’t imagine people from those places would have much urge to move to the Pennsy boondocks, either.
As for why people in an area want you to like (or at least pretend to like) everything there, it’s probably because you’re an outsider–natives can dis the place, but they resent people coming in from elsewhere and doing it. (This would be analogous to the perception that members of a given ethnic group can use ethnic slurs against their own group, but that outsiders shouldn’t.) And you came from one of the alleged “glamor” locations in the country, and that just adds to the effect. In part it’s clannishness, and in part it’s an attempt to cover up an inferiority complex–and the smaller the area, the more likely it is. (And the longer it takes to stop being an outsider.)
Thank you. That’s exactly it. I don’t expect people who were not born in California to love everything about it. I was born and raised in CA, it’s what I know, and miss. If I were born in Delaware, I’d feel the exact same way about Delaware. I probably wouldn’t be overly impressed with California. And on and on. Use any two States or regions, the same thing.
True, I’ve learned that. That’s why I try to be more careful about what I say these days.
Precisely. I think some of the irritation I get is because so many of the people I meet have NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE. As my sister says, “They haven’t been 7 miles outside of their village.” I find I get more subtle hostility from these kind of people. When I encounter people who like to travel a bit more, they seem far more accepting and receptive to my Disneyland references.
I also remember a very nice co-worker who actually tried to help my homesickness. She knew the more “arty” areas of town well. She showed me where to get some killer Veggie Sushi, and where to get falafel, and pointed me to a fairly decent art supply store. Instead of trying to force me to “get over it”, she helped me find elements I missed from home. I cannot say how much I appreciated it. And I did appreciate it, and enthusiastically told her so.
I’ve seen this a lot. I live in Kansas City, MO. Moved here five years ago from my hometown of Las Vegas, Nevada. At school there were quite a few kids from California, and they would never quit talking about how great it was.
I happen to have a love/hate relationship with Kansas City. I regret moving here (not my decision; my parents), but I could never move back to Vegas. It’s changed too much. It wouldn’t be the Vegas I remember. I already have a place I plan to move after I graduate from college. At times I hate this city, and other times I think of it as home. But if I had a scale of one to ten, I’d rate living here a 4. I’ve gone past the point of complaining about it nonstop and just accept it as best as I can without voicing my dislike to the locals.
Ah yes. I see you refrained from actually reading anything I’ve written. Such a trivial detail, after all.
Hmm. I have not specified which state I currently reside. I have not ranted about how “terrible” it is in any detail or with any specifics. (And I hasten to add, it’s not about it being “terrible”, which it really isn’t. It’s more about it not being my home.)
However, you have not only ranted on and on about how horrible California is, you’ve also royally dissed Utah, the state that you currently call your home. I never knew it was so bad there until you informed me! So - sorry to get you so riled up, jack@ss!
Sounds like he’s in Texas. Some people here are excessively proud of our state. I’ve learned not to ever mention that I thought Tulsa was a lot nicer city than Dallas.
I think some of your disdain for the sedentary locals may be showing through. Traveling alone does not make one enlightened.
I’ve been to or through about 25 or 30 of the 50 states, live in a large metropolitan area, and still consider a small town home. In small towns there seems to be a greater emphasis and bonding based upon shared experiences. Not shared as in the same thing happened to me in California, but as in the Johnsons dog bit me too. “Home is where the heart is”, sums it up I think. Your heart is obviously in California, most of your neighbor’s hearts are in your current location. I’d bet most are well meaning, and just want you to get that feeling of home that they have about the place.
If you keep searching for ignorant rubes, you’ll keep finding them, whether it’s small town USA or Los Angeles. Be a little choosey with your words, sometimes you might have to bite your tongue. Not because what you say or want to say is wrong, but because it may be likely to be misinterpreted. In a small town everyone has been through the experience of; local kid moves to big city and is now an enlightened, diversified, worldly expert, who comes back and tells everyone how much better a place the big city is. Tends to make people defensive when talk turns to how things are done back home in the city.
Everywhere is great, to someone. The qualities and experiences that people in small towns and rural areas love are seldom found in large metropolitan areas. Conversely, the qualities and experiences that people love about large cities aren’t generally found in rural settings.
If you can, try dropping any references to California (for awhile) unless absolutely necessary. I think you’ll find that the ones that think you are being pretentious will be much easier to get along with and will quit trying to beat down your barriers. I also think you might find then that people may get more curious about you and engage you in conversation regarding where you’re from.
Oh, certainly not. Probably most of the states of the union, (excepting Alaska) and Canada, Mexico. Certainly more than one or two other states. I’ve been on a plane, for crying out loud! More than can be said for some of these people. Which doesn’t necessarily mean anything!!! (My mom hadn’t been on a plane until she was in her 60s.) One of my friends here has hardly been anywhere, and she is the coolest person ever. But I offer the “no travelling thing” up as a possible explanation as to why some of these people seem so defensive or resentful. (Or, it could be the phases of the moon that is making them that way - your guess is as good as mine.)
Some people just seem to resent that some of us have gone to other places. (And I’ve heard this not just directed at me.) My theory is that maybe they figure if they don’t hear about it, it doesn’t exist. I don’t know what their problem is, but it certainly is unreasonable.
That’s fine. The coworker who showed me that this new state had good veggie sushi was doing that, IMO. The people who wanted me to embrace football (a sport I dislike) as an effort to “fit in” were not. And for damned sure the people who griped because I spent my vacations in California (visiting family and friends, and Yosemite) sure as hell didn’t.
:rolleyes: Please. If I had to “search” for them, I wouldn’t be starting this thread.
I do that anyway. Doesn’t always help.
You put that beautifully. Exactly. That is why I don’t understand why some people seem defensive about their corner of the world, because EVERY place has its charms. For the exact reasons you explain.
No, not possible. I mean, I do not try to dredge up California references gratuitously, but since the majority of my life experiences are set there, and since I visit often, it’s pretty damned impossible. There are so many “land mines” out there, that I just don’t see coming. Like when everyone was talking about the musical “Phantom of the Opera”, which everyone else saw locally, I saw in L.A. I mentioned some special effect in the musical (it’s a glizty musical). One of my friends snapped at me, “We didn’t see that, our music hall isn’t big enough to accomodate it”. Well, how was I supposed to see that coming? The only way I can avoid these “land mines” is to completely forget I have a past, NEVER mention anything from my past, ever. This is not reasonable. I don’t intend to do that.
I really appreciate your thoughtfullness, and yeah, what you suggest will work on reasonable people (of which there are plenty, don’t misunderstand.) But then there are the xenophobic (or whatever) defensive, knee-jerk ones. And NOTHING less than total devotion to this state will satisfy them. In order for them to be “comfortable”, I will have to obliterate most of my life, NEVER mention it, ever. Which is absurd. That’s more their problem than mine.
I had a friend who, the last two years of high school, moved to another state. After graduation, he returned to Louisiana for college, and I was fortunate enough to get to room with him.
One of the many annoying habits he had was this: everything in the other state he lived in was either incredible or terrible. Anything you knew of that was good, well it was ten times better there. And anything bad was ten times worse there. So you could neither praise nor complain, because you just didn’t know what it was like in that other state.
The other state? Arizona. Any Arizona dopers, can you confirm or deny the absolute extremes of human experience that my friend claimed Arizon exemplified?
I just wanted to add, that you’ll (probably) never be able to please some of the locals. Some will be incapable of seeing you as anything but an outsider, as if being raised in a given area gave you membership in a club. Some will take time.
Some are just defending home, some are actually unhappy where they are stuck and don’t want to hear about greener pastures, and some are just nabobs. I know it’s not reasonable to never mention California again. Basically I intended that you could try to avoid referencing California unless it was absolutely critical to what you are saying. At least in the presence of the worst offenders.
Part of it is initiation. You see there actually is a club of sorts. It is the we all had the same experiences club. If you don’t fit the mold so to speak, you won’t stay around long. You’re an unknown element. So they grill you and question you to figure how you fit in. All the while hoping and assuming that you are one of them.
If you really want to get along you will unfortunately have to make a conscious effort not to draw comparisons. If you just want to show them up, stop now and avoid the embarrassment and frustration. You’ll never convince but a few that anything is actually better where you come from. Unless it is something completely unavailable locally.
I just don’t wring my hands in distress when someone tells me how they didn’t like their visit to California, or that they have no desire to visit. I give my thin smile and tell them of a bumper sticker I used to see a lot: “Welcome to California - Now Go Home”. I just don’t care. That tactic won’t work on me (or most Californians, I daresay.)
