Mutant Cats

The people down the road from us have cats. Lots of cats. All in-bred. They sit in groups and stare at us. They crawl out onto the roof of our garage and stare into our windows. They sit in a group just outside the range of our dog’s run and taunt her. One actually walked into the house today and tried to claim it as it’s own. There have been mornings when we couldn’t leave the house because 15-20 of the feral things are sitting on the deck, facing the door, just waiting for someone to try to escape. It’s like something out of a Stephen King book.

If I wasn’t such a cat lover, I could find some permanent solutions. I have tried speaking to the cats’ owner, but the jerk is too dense to understand what I’m telling him (he drives the short bus, not just rides it).

We’ve tried calling animal control in town, but they are too busy with missing cows and roadkill deer to do much about cats.

Any suggestions?

Are the cat packs and missing cows related?

Turn the hose on them.

Problem solved.

No hose? Bucket O’ Water.

You could try calling the local Humane Society, many would consider that animal abuse and would perhaps do something about the situation, or at least suggest other places to contact. As for just getting them to leave your house alone, I should think the hose would be a very good solution, most cats hate water. Hope it works out.

There’s also a spray you can get. Human’s don’t notice it (much) but it’s really annoying to the hightened sense of animals. It worked well for us when it came to keeping a neighourhood tomcat from peeing all over our window (protesting the presence of our indoor cats.) It’s kind of like “bitter apple” for the olfactory sense.

You could spray it all over your deck and places where your dog doesn’t normally go. Your dog won’t like the spray either.

Or get a super-soaker…

(And pray that the cats aren’t the ones who’ve been dragging away the cows.)

Ditto on the super-soaker, but put a little cologne in the water. “Gee thanks, lady, now I smell like a french whore!” :smiley: It works on keeping the neighbor cats out of our yard, but does nothing for the dog.

Thanks for the tips . . .

We’ve tried the hose thingie. They just back off until they’re out of range, and come back as soon as we turn it off. We don’t want to use a chemical deterrant because of the dog.

These cats are smart. I’ve seen them work together to bring down squirrels and other small beasties. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they ARE responsible for the missing cows - I’ve seen them attack a deer in the backyard once (two jumped out of a tree onto the back of the deer, while the others scratched at it’s legs while it tried to get the one off it’s back). They all have that extra digit on their front paws - sorta like a thumb. I’ve watched them eat (admittedly, the ‘owner’ does feed them and keeps water available for them), and they grab handfuls of kibble and stuff it into their mouths. I think this is evolution at work.

Maybe I should start growing some catnip, just in case. I wanna be on their good side when they take over the world.

This is creepy, even for a cat-lover like me. I’d be hoping to God that none of them have opposable thumbs.

<rereads last post>

Oh crap.

Maybe they’re hemophiliacs.

The extra toe thing isn’t a result of inbreeding, it’s a rare but dominant mutation called polydactylism.

Maybe you could sic some land pirahnas on them?

Are you sure they’re inbred? My dad rented a room in a large house owned by a ‘cat lady’ of sorts, who started with one pregnant cat but after two years became around two dozen.

Each generation produced increasingly stupider, skittish cats. It got to the point where the woman would go in the family room and the 8 odd-kittens there would suddenly fly in a panic and run into walls until by trial-and-error they found a way out of the room.