Sorry, a triple post, but this is too ironic to pass up.
Here is seenidog’s previous and only post to this thread.
Jesus, you’re an idiot. A fucking idiot actually. Replace “fuck” with the euphenism “foxtrot” and the argument must magically become valid?
Your use of “fucking” was indeed an intensifier and it would be difficult to justify calling it an adjective (let alone an adverb or a verb.)
That said, shut up, hajario. You’re throwing a big stupid shitfit because one person, on the other end of a messageboard, didn’t immediately bow to your will. Christ, calm down a little. Deep cleansing breaths. In with the good . . . out with the bad . . . in with the good . . . out with the bad . . .
Don’t you feel better now?
With all sincerety, I am pleased to be backed up by you on a grammar nit pick.
A shitfit? Bow to my will? Dude, I’ve never been so calm in my life. I disagreed with a guy in The Pit. If you think that I am the least bit upset in real life about some dude half way across the world who disagrees with me about an issue involving a stranger to both of us, then you’re sadly misinformed. I am just here to amuse myself. You, of all people, should understand that concept.
I have a crazy idea.
Have you considered talking to the mother about your concern?
OK, I was away all day. I need to address a few things.
If you think $100 a week is a low wage for babysitting, I can assure you, I know of plenty of families paying $50 a week, some for 2 or more kids. I also know a woman who pays $75 a week for an infant, which involves a lot more work than my 8 and 11 year old boys. Heather damn near fell over when I offered her the $100/week as most teens who babysit in this area make much less. She could work at a fast food place, the nearest being about 12 miles away (which would be hard, as she does not drive and has already said she can’t rely on mom to get her somewhere). Gas is currently $2.75/gallon for regular. Fast food in my area pays minimum wage. So, she could work shitty hours to work WAY harder than she does now. If someone were to offer me what I make at work to play with 2 kids in a relatively comfortable house full of food, internet access, and entertainment, I’d give my notice tomorrow. If I had to pay her much more than I’m paying, there’d be no point in me even working. I’d stay home and demand $100 a week from hubby.
I would never cut her pay. That would be just plain wrong. I also wouldn’t fire her just because of her mother. That was the rant talking. I also wouldn’t do it because she told me that she looks up to me and my husband, and has on occasion, stopped by just to get out of her house. We want her to know that she will always be welcome here, whether she’s babysitting or not. She sat on my couch for over 2 hours yesterday, just flipping through magazines while I was crafting.
If mom really was in a tight spot, I wouldn’t care. But this is not the first time Heather has handed over the babysitting money. Mom could quit smoking (at $4+ a pack) if money was that tight. OR, she could just ask her boyfriend to kick in a few dollars. Or, she could demand, via the courts, child support from the fathers of her children.
In any case… I was contemplating the idea of an “end of summer bonus”, in the form of a day of shopping together, possibly a trip to a nice salon if she’d be open to that. Of course, I’d make sure she didn’t choose any clothing that was inappropriate or anything like that. And I won’t let her get a poodle-pouf new 'do.
I’d be afraid that she would freak out at Heather for telling me in the first place. I wouldn’t want to get the girl into any shit with her mom. Besides, what if I’m wrong and mom legitimately needs the kid to kick in the cash? Then I’ll have embarassed mom on top of everything else.
I’ve done the stay at home thing. You’re preaching to the choir there. To insinuate that I don’t care is simple ignorance. I’d be perfectly happy to stay at home again for $100 a week.
I definitely think this is the way to go. She’d be super happy about it too.
Thanks Khan. That’s exactly was has me chapped. Mom is taking what the kid earned. My kids are NOT very high maintenance. She’s mostly playing video games with the eight year old, while the 11 year old does his thing (supervised by her, in the house, and not online or anything like that, he mostly just watches age appropriate videos). And the last thing I want to do is to negatively impact her self esteem. She’s a very nice kid, but it doesn’t appear that anyone has told her she’s good. I can’t fire her, because I need her to feel safe and welcome here.
Well, on the very rare Saturday night that hubby and I actually do something without the kids, we pay about that too. And this isn’t a suburban area. This is PoDunk Dinkytown. Our county’s only “city” has a population of 30,000. In the county where I live, lots of people working 40+ hours a week are still under what would be considered poverty level. It’s amazing how many people here will drive 90 minutes to get to their $10/hr job, because that’s as good as it gets. A few years ago, my niece worked 3 jobs for the summer. Two as lifeguard, one in a fast food restaurant. By the end of summer, her gross pay was less than my babysitter earned tax free. That’s just the reality of this area, and it sucks.
Perhaps I’m just old, but I don’t see any reason why someone in a household earning income shouldn’t chip in to the household, teenager or not.
Now if her mother is taking all her pay every week, that’s a different story.
Five dollars an hour in 1991? Was that here in the coal region of PA, where today, lots of people are working for $5.25/hr? No, I see you’re in California, where I’m betting babysitters make more today than I do. In 1991, I was earning approximately $5.30 an hour in healthcare. Shoulda hit the left coast to be a babysitter. Would have been a better situation.
I would never encourage her to keep a secret from her mother.
This is an excellent idea.
You might not want to talk any more about your babysitter’s money being tax free, WishIHadACoolName, since technically not only is it taxable income but you should also be paying Social Security on her wages. I realize that teenage babysitters aren’t normally considered in this context, but I suspect the IRS might take a very different view indeed. Not being critical (I don’t know anyone who paid taxes for their kids’ summer babysitters, either), just offering a word of caution.
That aside, however, I think what you’re doing is great. She sounds like a nice kid in a tough situation. I was adopted as a second mom by a classmate of my daughter’s when they were in high school, who was, similarly, a kid growing up in a tough situation; to this day – and he’s 31 now – he calls me more often than my own son does, and our relationship still means a lot to him. So I agree that not jeopardizing this girl’s ability to feel safe at your house is really important for her, even more important than you may realize right now.
And last, I agree with the suggestion to take her on an end-of-summer shopping trip. Buy her some clothes, cut the tags out, and keep the receipts yourself so her mom can’t try to return them for cash. Since she sounds like the type who might try to do just that.
Hmmm… never thought about that, um… “thing”. I guess because I never earned enough as a babysitter for it to be an issue.
I do hope that I’m impacting her life in a positive way. And yeah, cutting the tags out of the clothes. I’m loving that idea! I hope I don’t forget to do it in August.
My youngest son worked fast food when he was 16. After training, when he got his first work schedule, it had a grand total of *four * hours on it. The week after…six hours. He was clearing about $14.00 a week. When he requested more hours from his supervisor, he was told, “What did you expect, $500.00 a week and a company car?” Needless to say, that was his last day.
Your deal is “corner office” by comparison. It is more than fair, given the ages of your kids. No wonder she was elated.
I think the threshold for home-based workers for “that thing” is like $200 or $250/month. A legal requirement followed more in the breach than in the observation, obviously.
Another way to prevent her mom from returning new clothes would be to write her name in them with a laundry marker. Just something to make sure she gets to actually keep and wear them. Since I suspect her mom will indeed take all or most of her babysitting money, like you do, you may have to go the extra mile to make sure she actually has something to show for her summer’s efforts.
I agree with all suggestions of non-cash bonuses for Heather. Gift cards to local merchants (non-redeemable in cash, merchandise only) would also be a good way to go - “Happy Friday - here’s a $10 coupon for McDonald’s” kinda thing. And keep telling Heather good things about herself - you’re planting seeds with her that will grow in years to come.
No, it was in a rather affluent area of California, actually. And it was for 2 kids. At the time, it was about 75 cents above minimum wage. Now, minimum wage is 7 something an hour, I think. Thereabouts, anyway.
I think it was the 40 hours a week thing that threw me. That’s a lot of hours per week to be working for 100 bucks. But I suppose if she’s essentially just hanging out around the house, which she’d likely be doing anyway, it’s not so bad.
This is what I was thinking too. Maybe a couple of movie tickets once in a while, a gift certificate for the nearest mall (perhaps you could take her there to spend it), iTunes Music Store gift cards if she has an iPod, a small box of chocolates, a DVD, a book, a fun afternoon out with you and your kids.
All valid suggestions but they don’t address the problem of “Where can I get the money for the rent right now?”. Perhaps the current boyfriend is just one in a long line of no hopers with no income and there’s no point in chasing the fathers for support because you can’t get blood from a stone? So far Mom had asked Heather to chip in from time to time to help the family out, and on one occasion has asked Heather to cover the rent. If she starts making Heather do this every week then there are big problems but I don’t see see how having $100 in her pocket is going to help Heather if the family loses the roof over their heads.