My babysitter's mother, fairly lame rant

The BBQ Pit
61

When I was a teenager, I would have been quite happy looking after two boys for $100 per week - especially for the level of work involved.

I would second the idea of starting a “college fund” - a bank account in your name where you deposit some form of bonus that can be passed to her later on (assuming you can stay in contact until she is old enough to make “good” use of the money) Don’t tell her about this account till she “needs” the money

If this doesn’t work, an end of summer shopping treat is a great, and creative, idea.

Alternatively, would it be an option to include her in your families weekend programme, under the guise of babysitting? Trips to shows / movies / themeparks would be one way of rewarding her in non-monetary terms.

This is how we reward our maid whose salary is $260 PER MONTH (normal for here), instead of increasing her salary which would lead to other problems, we treat her like a member of the family - eating out with us, going to movies, shopping and holidays (which is unusual for our location).

62

[QUOTE=lezlers]
No, it was in a rather affluent area of California, actually. And it was for 2 kids. At the time, it was about 75 cents above minimum wage. Now, minimum wage is 7 something an hour, I think. Thereabouts, anyway.

I think it was the 40 hours a week thing that threw me. That’s a lot of hours per week to be working for 100 bucks. But I suppose if she’s essentially just hanging out around the house, which she’d likely be doing anyway, it’s not so bad.
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You wouldn’t believe the shit work people here would do for $7 an hour. It’s shameful how badly people are paid in the region. A bachelor’s degree might get a person $11-13 an hour, which I think is criminal. In PA, minimum wage is the same as federal, somewhere around $5.15-5.25. I’m not even sure.

63

This isn’t a poll, but I’ll chime in with my thoughts.

I like the idea of irregular bonuses for this girl; if you slip in an extra $20 or $20 gift certificate or $20 item sometimes and declare that it’s a bonus or gift, then it isn’t her salary per se, and her mom might be less inclined to ask for it.
I don’t get upset at her mom for demanding $100 of help, especially one time. I have a decent job and a house in the suburbs, but at times I have had situations where I had to choose between paying for prescription drugs and the electrical bill. I suppose my (imaginary) kids might have preferred if their mom got medicine to keep her asthma from sending her to the emergency room or that the lights had stayed on versus keeping a week of their own pay. Sometimes the $500 in the shoebox gets wiped out by an emergency, after which another emergency follows in three days… geez being a grown-up sucks.
Of course, for all we know that money went to cover a new nose ring for Heather’s mother’s boyfriend, but we can’t safely assume that it did.
I gotta’ say, I’m a guy and for various good reasons wouldn’t have been chosen to babysit, but 13 years back when I was Heather’s age, I’d have killed for that job. My other alternative WASN’T 40 hours per week at minimum wage, it was a place that would never schedule me more than half-time where I would have been busting my balls on the shifts I did have.

64

[QUOTE=hajario]
Actually, there is no point in arguing with someone who is incapable of addressing any of the points that I made. Care to try?
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Sure, I disagree. I would have no problem helping out a decent teenager who had less than stellar parents. {If the case is what it sounds like on the surface}

We don’t know all the reasons that the Mom won’t get child support or doesn’t seem to make live in boyfriend help out. It appears she only takes the money occasionally. Still I see no problem with slipping the kid an extra $20 and suggesting that the bonus is our secret, or the summer bonus of school clothes. It’s not an attack on the Mom or even a judgement against her. It’s simply trying to help out a person you are directly involved with.

I wouldn’t talk to the Mom but I might talk to the kid out of concern for her. How does she feel about it? Does she feel the mom really needs the money and it’s cool or does she feel her Mom is treating her badly?

Yes it’s butting in, but sometimes we need to do that. It’s very minor butting in at that.

65

[QUOTE=Frank]
Perhaps I’m just old, but I don’t see any reason why someone in a household earning income shouldn’t chip in to the household, teenager or not.

Now if her mother is taking all her pay every week, that’s a different story.
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My arrangement with my kids was that when they started earning their own money they should pay for the frills themselves and possibly some of their clothes. In fact when they got old enough to work and turned it down to go hang with their friends then they got a different answer when they came to ask for money.
“Dad can I have money to go to the movies?”
“Aren’t you the same kid that turned down a job so you could go to the beach?
You are? That was your movie money you decided you didn’t need”

Of course if the household was in real financial need they could help out there too. I think the concern here is that the Mom is irresponsible and making her daughter pay.

66

So how old is Heather? This could make a big difference in her ability to understand her mother’s financial situation. You have no idea how much is her “perspective” and how much is reality. You can probably judge certain aspects of the situation from the outside, but you have no way of knowing exactly what’s going on other than through the eyes of a child unless you’ve spoken directly with the mother about her finances (which I doubt you have and I’m not recommending that you do.) How do you know what the boyfriend is pitching in? How would the girl know? Most teens would not be privy to that information, but if she doesn’t like the boyfriend, she could use that, intentionally or not, as a strike against him. I don’t mean to imply she’s making it all up, just that her perspective is probably not that of an adult who understands fully how much money goes into living costs or how much her mother has in income and payout, etc. She’s a teen, she’s unhappy at home, she likes your house - you’re only hearing her side of the story and it could be a very warped version of reality.

67

As someone who lives in an economically depressed area, I’d like to second what WishIHadACoolName is saying about the wage scale. People who live in cities have very little perspective of what it’s like to work and live in an area where a job is damn hard to get. Good jobs are few and far between, both because there simply aren’t that many to begin with, and the people who get them realize that they have a good thing and they never, ever, ever leave them. It’s not uncommon to meet people who have had the same job for 20 or 30 years. And I mean the same job - not moving up the corporate ladder. They’ve been a lab tech/IT drone/sales rep for 30 years.

When I finally took a full time job here - after looking on and off for 3 years - it was for 50% of what I used to make in the Denver area. And no, the cost of living here isn’t that much cheaper. It is a bit, but more like 75% of what it was in Denver, not 50%. And things like trips, cars, and food cost just as much as they do anywhere else.

I know a lot of people who work for $10 or less an hour. These are people with years of experience and/or degrees. I personally know two people right now with degrees and 20 years experience who lost their jobs and who have been out of work for 7+ months. They’re not looking for the perfect job, either - they’re looking for anything. Well, maybe not fast food, but believe me, they’re not picky.

In short, $100 a week for a teenager to watch 2 kids would be fine in this area, and those of you who want to insist that it’s abusive are welcome to come live around here for a while and see what it’s like.

68

[QUOTE=WishIHadACoolName]
OK, I was away all day. I need to address a few things.

If you think $100 a week is a low wage for babysitting, I can assure you, I know of plenty of families paying $50 a week, some for 2 or more kids. I also know a woman who pays $75 a week for an infant, which involves a lot more work than my 8 and 11 year old boys. Heather damn near fell over when I offered her the $100/week as most teens who babysit in this area make much less. She could work at a fast food place, the nearest being about 12 miles away (which would be hard, as she does not drive and has already said she can’t rely on mom to get her somewhere). Gas is currently $2.75/gallon for regular. Fast food in my area pays minimum wage. So, she could work shitty hours to work WAY harder than she does now. If someone were to offer me what I make at work to play with 2 kids in a relatively comfortable house full of food, internet access, and entertainment, I’d give my notice tomorrow. If I had to pay her much more than I’m paying, there’d be no point in me even working. I’d stay home and demand $100 a week from hubby.

I would never cut her pay. That would be just plain wrong. I also wouldn’t fire her just because of her mother. That was the rant talking. I also wouldn’t do it because she told me that she looks up to me and my husband, and has on occasion, stopped by just to get out of her house. We want her to know that she will always be welcome here, whether she’s babysitting or not. She sat on my couch for over 2 hours yesterday, just flipping through magazines while I was crafting.

If mom really was in a tight spot, I wouldn’t care. But this is not the first time Heather has handed over the babysitting money. Mom could quit smoking (at $4+ a pack) if money was that tight. OR, she could just ask her boyfriend to kick in a few dollars. Or, she could demand, via the courts, child support from the fathers of her children.

In any case… I was contemplating the idea of an “end of summer bonus”, in the form of a day of shopping together, possibly a trip to a nice salon if she’d be open to that. Of course, I’d make sure she didn’t choose any clothing that was inappropriate or anything like that. And I won’t let her get a poodle-pouf new 'do.
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Lots of people charge their kids rent. There’s nothing wrong with that. She doesn’t take her check every single week, does she? Also, the kid may have owed her money for some other out-of-budget expenditure. The kid and her mother are the only people who matter in the financial decision-making in that family.

69

What Salem said. I also agree with hajario about not getting into this family’s business. The non-monetary bonuses sound like a great way to go.

70

[QUOTE=WishIHadACoolName]
I’ve done the stay at home thing. You’re preaching to the choir there. To insinuate that I don’t care is simple ignorance. I’d be perfectly happy to stay at home again for $100 a week.
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You’ve already stated that you don’t make much more than $100 per week. If that’s really the case, then you’d be better off staying at home so that you could spend more time with your children. Unless they’re not worth more than a few extra bucks per week. I don’t know…

Also, you’ve admitted you don’t really know what the situation is at home with this girl and her mother. So besides potentially violating the law, you really don’t know what you’re talking about do you?

Ignorance indeed…

71

[QUOTE=Flyhalf]
You’ve already stated that you don’t make much more than $100 per week. If that’s really the case, then you’d be better off staying at home so that you could spend more time with your children. Unless they’re not worth more than a few extra bucks per week. I don’t know…

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Maybe the OP doesn’t bring home a lot more than what she is paying out, but she may be working for the benefits. Health insurance or retirement funds can be taken out of her gross pay leaving very little for net pay, but are very important

72

[QUOTE=Flyhalf]
You’ve already stated that you don’t make much more than $100 per week. If that’s really the case, then you’d be better off staying at home so that you could spend more time with your children. Unless they’re not worth more than a few extra bucks per week. I don’t know…

Also, you’ve admitted you don’t really know what the situation is at home with this girl and her mother. So besides potentially violating the law, you really don’t know what you’re talking about do you?

Ignorance indeed…
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If she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she has excellent company in you. Taking home $100 a week can not mean health insurance, a 401K or any other of the extra benefits people who have full-time jobs can get, it could also mean and extra $50 a week. That is no small consideration for people on a budget. Perhaos you should try to get a little more information before you give career advice.

73

I don’t see how the mother taking the money is a sign that she’s some horrible person. Even if she takes it most of the time. Perhaps even if she takes it all of the time. She might be a horrible person, but this isn’t necessary or sufficient evidence.

74

We had a babysitter last summer who got $100/week for watching our three kids. She was 14. She was thrilled to have the job and we were thrilled that she was that inexpensive. She spent her time here watching movies and playing video games.

As first a SAH parent and now SAH parent + some work from home, I’ll say that I think comparing a babysitter to a SAHP is…um, what’s the phrase? Oh yeah - blindingly fucking stupid. Also, as a SAHP, I’d’ve been thrilled to get $100/week to do it.

Lastly, it completely boggles my mind that people will pay a teenaged babysitter more than Federal minimum wage. As I am not an organization paying an employee, I don’t have the financial backing to pay minimum wage. Also, even if I were, I don’t have to do SHIT about her taxes or withholding, because she’s working as a part-time contractor. I would owe her a 1099 at the end of the year, but that’s all.

Oops, actually lastly, I agree with everyone who’s saying direct interference is a bad idea. Also, having dealt tangentially with teenagers who have home problems for YEARS, I advise that you not necessarily believe everything you hear about her abyssmal circumstance.

75

[QUOTE=Hamadryad]
…I advise that you not necessarily believe everything you hear about her abyssmal circumstance.
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That’s what I came in to say. Who knows if the girl is making this up to get the OP to feel sorry for her. Or if her mom put her up to it.

76

[QUOTE=saoirse]
Taking home $100 a week can not mean health insurance, a 401K or any other of the extra benefits people who have full-time jobs can get, it could also mean and extra $50 a week.
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The first sentence above is not clear to me. Are you saying that by working a job where she makes $100/week, she WON’T be getting health insurance, 401K, etc.? I would agree. To me it’s unlikely that a job where she is making $100/week is not going to be able to offer other benefits.

77

[QUOTE=Mama Tiger]

You might not want to talk any more about your babysitter’s money being tax free, WishIHadACoolName, since technically not only is it taxable income but you should also be paying Social Security on her wages. I realize that teenage babysitters aren’t normally considered in this context, but I suspect the IRS might take a very different view indeed. Not being critical (I don’t know anyone who paid taxes for their kids’ summer babysitters, either), just offering a word of caution.
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And you might not want to talk any more about tax laws you’re unfamiliar with. See IRS Publication 926, Household Employer’s Tax Guide, which states that Social Security taxes do not need to be withheld for babysitting services provided by a person under the age of 18, who is a student.

A student is defined on page 21 of the instructions for Form 1040 (which begins on page 20, under the heading Definitions and Special Rules, as:

Since part of the discussion revolves around providing this child school clothes for the upcoming Fall semester, I can only conclude that she is, in fact, a student for at least 5 months of the year. And although there is no specific age given, since the OPer mentions the fact that the mother could be going after the father for child support, I think it’s safe to assume that Heather is under 18 years of age. If these conditions are true, her income does not meet the requirements for having Social Security taxes withheld.

In addition, because she can be claimed as a dependent on her mother’s tax return, she may not be obligated to even file a return of her own. See the Filing Requirements in Publication 929, in particular Table 1. 2005 Filing Requirements for Dependents, which states:

[quote]
If your parent (or someone else) can claim you as a dependent, use this table to see if you must file a return.

<snip>

Single dependents— Were you either age 65 or older or blind?

No. You must file a return if any of the following apply. [ul][li]Your unearned income was more than $800.[/li] [li]Your earned income was more than $5,000.[/li] [li]Your gross income was more than the larger of —[list][*]$800, or[/li] [li]Your earned income (up to $4,750) plus $250.[/ul][/list][/li][/quote]
So unless the OPer is employing this child full-time for more than 50 weeks of the year at that $100/week, or she has some other secret job that no one seems to be aware of, or a secret bank account earning more than $250 in interest income in addition to her wages, this qualifying, dependent child doesn’t even have to file a tax return.

78

[QUOTE=Flyhalf]
You’ve already stated that you don’t make much more than $100 per week. If that’s really the case, then you’d be better off staying at home so that you could spend more time with your children. Unless they’re not worth more than a few extra bucks per week. I don’t know…

Also, you’ve admitted you don’t really know what the situation is at home with this girl and her mother. So besides potentially violating the law, you really don’t know what you’re talking about do you?

Ignorance indeed…
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A) I never said I don’t make “much more than $100 a week”. It’s what I can afford to pay. You know, after mortgage, gas, electricity, food, healthcare and all those other luxuries we have. I’m certainly not making fat money, but I’m not making so little that it wouldn’t pay for me to work. Hey, why not attack every working father for preferring those extra dollars to time with his kids? The 1950s are over. Women work today, whether you like it or not.

B) The whole point of the rant was that the kid didn’t get a damned DOLLAR that she made last week. If mom needed her money, couldn’t she have left her with $20? Heather has been honest and forthcoming for the 2 years we’ve known her, so I have no reason to believe she’s lying to me now.

79

[QUOTE=Shayna]
So unless the OPer is employing this child full-time for more than 50 weeks of the year at that $100/week, or she has some other secret job that no one seems to be aware of, or a secret bank account earning more than $250 in interest income in addition to her wages, this qualifying, dependent child doesn’t even have to file a tax return.
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Jeepers, you’re smart. Can we be friends? :slight_smile:

Thanks for this. It really puts me at ease.

80

[QUOTE=WishIHadACoolName]
B) The whole point of the rant was that the kid didn’t get a damned DOLLAR that she made last week. If mom needed her money, couldn’t she have left her with $20?
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And if mom needed the $20?

Should she not pay for something like, say, a mortgage so that her daughter gets to have a new t-shirt?

The woman might be a beast, but being poor doesn’t make her one.