Yes, I’m a 33 year old straight male, and I have a hard time falling asleep unless I’m cuddled up with a bear (or a wife, but I’ve used up my ration of those) This particular bear, named Count Bearium, I picked up on clearance after Valentine’s Day, and he is all red with hearts and such. It had been a year or so since his predecessor died (Cyrano De Beargiac was cruelly eviscerated, I don’t like to talk about it) and I was really missing the beary goodness in my bed. Sure it was an impulse purchase, but I felt a real connection, a spark.
The problems began a few months ago. Whenever I decided to sleep without a shirt, or in one of my wifebeaters, I would wake up with angry splotches of heat rash in my armpits (even though I only tuck the Count under one arm at a time, he bounces back and forth during my repose, so both pits get tore up) Sleeping in t-shirts has since become the norm, and I rarely forget, but I worry about the slippery slope. Sure now, the Count only demands my pits be covered for sleep, next he’ll be demanding I put down the toilet seat, making snipish remarks when I let the dishes pile up in the sink, and eventully he’ll start to feel bored and stiffled in our relationship, and will start sleeping with my friends, just to hurt me.
I’ve begun fantasizing that he is some other bear. I snuggle up to him, close my eyes and imagine his fur is a soft nappy brown, almost caramel colored. I dream of natural fibers on my bare skin. Some times I forget just what exactly I am sleeping with, and when I open my eyes there is nothing but crushing disappointment.
So what do you think, dopers. Do the Count and I have something special that’s worth putting the work into, or is it time to move on to greener pastures. I hear those New England bears are kind of hot. And they put out. Is that true?
If your bear can’t give you what you need, I say tell him to hit the road. Sure, you’ve had some great times together, but there’s plenty of bears in the woods. This time, you can have a bear who truly supports you and gives you what you need without exacting a selfish price in pain.
I highly recommend Build-A-Bear. You can make your dream bear, and you’ll never be lonely again.
(Personally, I have one of those big 'ol full-size body pillows at home, but I always bring my Build-A-Bear with me on vacation. )
Cheap shot, but the bolding might suggest a solution to one problem.
As for your bear, what you do with your things in yopur bed is your issue. If this one is giving you a problem, may I suggest changing bears. Any other manufacturer will do, especially if the material is different.
Might I suggest the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory? You can order from them online, but if you’re into bears, you’d love their factory tour.
I think the Google ads have your answer, “Huggable Teddies”, “Rash Eraser”, “Cure Scabies & Springtail” and “Giant Teddy Bears”. There ya go, cure your rash and get a new bear.
Or maybe you should be more adventurous and try something other than a bear? Last night I fell asleep on my couch while clutching a stuffed lobster (of the toy variety, not of the food) and I have a very soft bunny rabbit in my bedroom that I have been known to snuggle once in a while. He’s the Monty Python rabbit of death with nasty pointy teeth, which could be a little weird to be snuggling, but he is really soft. Try finding a stuffed critter made of that really soft chenille type fabric, maybe it won’t give you a rash.
If you really want to make things work with your bear, try giving him a tumble in a hot dryer. If the cause of the rash is dust mites it might kill them.
As a fellow teddy bear connoisseur, I feel for you. I sleep with 5 of em, plus 2 dogs, a turtle, and an occasional assortment of elephants (my SO’s). But like any bad relationship, you may need to move on.
I suggest going to a local toy store, find a couple of them you like, and vigorously rub them in your armpits. If you don’t get a rash, it may just be the one for you.
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