Some chick that tagged along with a cousin who wasn’t invited either. The Mr. knows the cousin, obviously, but I’d never met her, and neither of us had any idea who her friend was.
It was quite hilarious - I don’t know if they assumed it was a huge wedding that they could just sneak into unnoticed, but they made huge fools of themselves. No worries for the random friend - we’ll never see her again, but the cousin is now the laughing stock of the whole family.
Really, the Mr. and I didn’t even have to say anything - it’s all anyone could talk about the next day at the gift opening - it was hilarious!
Beadalin and others are right- HR is not your friend. Do not involve them.
Losing your job is a horrible way to start married life, and just having your boss make your every working day miserable is worse. Unless you already have started another job, just invite her. She will not “ruin your wedding day” unless you let her.
DO get your resumes posted, however. Maybe you’ll get lucky.
In situations like this, complicated and clever plans are BAD. They just create more opportunities for confusion and ill-will.
You need to tell your boss, simply and directly, that she’s not invited. Speak to her privately and say something like:
“From some of the things you’ve said recently, I’m afraid you might have gotten the wrong impression about my wedding. Our guest list has already been set and it’s limited to family and intimate friends only. I’m sorry, but you’re not invited.”
If she complains, just keep repeating the same thing over and over again:
“I’m sorry, but it’s impossible. The guest list has already been set.”
Don’t explain and don’t rationalize. No matter what she says:
“I’m sorry, but it’s impossible. The guest list has already been set.”
Warn whoever is manning the door to look out for crashers. If their name isn’t on the list, they don’t get in, no exceptions.
And don’t go to H.R. in advance. Their job isn’t to make you happy. Their job is to make sure you don’t have grounds to sue the company. They will not help you in this situation.
As far as setting out scouts to watch for her and throw her out, you need to re-work this. The only way to do it without making it a personal insult to her – is to have someone at the entrance checking ALL the arrivals against a list. Otherwise, she will get in, start mingling, and if a guard comes up and forcibly removes her, it will be crystal clear to her that this is being done at your explicit order. It almost guarantees retaliation. OTOH, if she sees that there is screening at the door, she might be intimidated enough not even to try crashing.
Actually, certain bridal things have to be scheduled around them not work … dress fittings, and meetings with the various suppliers are done on their scheduled availability. Very few things are done in the evenings - when I was helping my friend Tara deal with her wedding, we kept trying to get things done after work but even though we were scheduling appointments a year out from the wedding, the various vendors were already booked for evening appointments literally up until the proposed date. The only exception was the private seamstress to do the gown alterations, the one from the store selling the dress was booked solid for 3 months. Of course, this is in Connecticut, and as a relatively small state, stuff gets busy or booked fast, esspecially wedding venues and vendors.
Working on the invitations during your lunch break may be a breach of etiquette, but the fact that remains that working on the invitations during your lunch break is in no way, shape, or form the same as inviting everyone at work to your wedding, and I still firmly maintain that if the boss thinks that, she’s an idiot.
This is the way to fix it all. Not only do you fix your immediate problem, if you’re lucky you’ll get a TV show you can tape and watch again in the future along with your wedding videos. It’s a win-win!
I hope it all gets sorted out (and it may have done by the time I read page 2 :D) and that you have a great time!
The OP has already said several times she already has one foot out the door of this place, so inviting just to keep her job is actually not very useful to her, as she’s neither planning nor desiring to keep this job.
You’re making this way too complicated. Next time she mentions it, smile and say “GREAT!” and then tell her about how in your family, there is a centuries old tradition of wedding guests getting naked and riding goats. You’ll need to rent a goat and tie it on the lawn outside the reception hall. Even if she thinks you’re joking, when she gets there and sees the goat, she’ll just keep right on driving.
Keep right on driving??? No Way! Hell, I’d pay a week’s salary to see THAT! I’m going in!
You guys are too much! Thanks for making me laugh about the whole thing. I’m hoping nothing bad goes down. However, she knows I’m not happy with her and the work situation, so she’s been sickeningly nice to me lately. She says stuff like “we should be friends” and “if you need any help with your wedding, I can lend a hand” and the like. I always politely dismiss her. I think she’s just trying to get on my good side so she doesn’t get into any more trouble. She doesn’t realize she’s doing nothing but smother, bother, and in a way continue to harass me (harassing me to be friends). I don’t trust her further than I can throw her.
That’s why I’ll have my rather imposing brother throw her out. He could probably throw her…
I didn’t flaunt them. I was sitting by myself in the break room addressing them.
I have actually scheduled all but one of my wedding related appointments around work, not work around that. My I usually work 8-6:30 and my salon is only open til 6. I had to make ONE appointment that I needed off for. That and I needed to take time off to actually get married. That’s not rude; it’s necessary.
I also said that I avoid wedding talk if at all possible. I never bring it up and if someone else does, I quickly dismiss it. I’m not flaunting my wedding.
As far as scheduling appointments around work or vice a versa, all of my appointments but that one have been scheduled around my work schedule. Everything else (fittings, musician consultations, floral planning, church preparations, etc.) have all been done outside of work and I have worked around the schedule given to me. Actually, more than once in the past couple months when I’ve been trying to do this, my boss has changed the schedule last minute and I’ve had to cancel appointments I made. She would give us a schedule, I’d make appointments around it, then she’d change it. I’ve probably had to reschedule about a dozen appointments in the past two months at least. The one I asked her to let me go early for is one I cannot miss or else I have to pay for the salon services I don’t receive. And we’re tight on the budget as it is.
The only other time I asked off for was the few days before my actual wedding and for my honeymoon. I think I can rightfully ask for that off without being in breech of etiquette.
I agree with those who have said not to involve HR in this. It’s possible that your boss is talking about crashing your wedding, or needling you for an invitation, just to upset you (to be mean) with no intention of actually showing up. I hope that’s the case. I don’t know how large your workplace is and what the politics are, but if you can find a way to ask to your other co-workers not to bring up the topic of the wedding, your boss will have that many fewer opportunities to mention it to you.
For those of you saying not to go to HR about this – where would you go? It seems that your experience of HR is different than mine, but then it occurred to me – I never really went to HR other than to straighten out payroll or benefits issues.
So if HR is the wrong place to go, who would you bring, say, a sexual harassment issue to? If you say your boss’s boss, what if the harassment comes right from the top?
Unfortunately, in this day and age, the right time to go to HR about a sexual harassment issue is after you’ve consulted a lawyer.
Companies have got to CYA in this incidents, so you want to make sure you have your facts very straight, your documentation in order, and that you’ve followed all the proper steps and procedures.
Even if your company has a “zero tolerance” policy (as most do) - you need to make sure that they are clear on what has happened and what you expect done.
And you need to put it in writing, so it doesn’t get “misinterpreted” later.
I’m going to keep playing down the wedding at work. I only have about 5 weeks to go and I’m going to do everything I can to keep it from becoming a topic of discussion.
If she asks, I’ll keep reminding her the guest list is set.
And as far as “bouncers,” my brother and sister are on the lookout to make sure no one without a place card is there; the only person I’m concerned about, though, is my boss. If she asks them, their story will be “we’re removing anyone who wasn’t invited.” not “we’re removing you, you stupid, evil woman.”
