Okay, I *didn’t * have an embarrassing, non-boobular story to tell until this morning.
Razorette got a new web camera for her laptop yesterday. It’s the laptop she loves to take with her all over the house and plop down in the living room to chat online, play games, etc., not the laptop that is supposed to stay on her desk in the study. So last night I was getting ready for bed and needed to get a clean pair of socks from the pile of to-be-folded clean clothes in a basket in the laundry room. As I sashayed in threadbare skivvies through the living room, I heard my son’s voice call out, “Dad, put some pants on!” I turned around and there was Razorette, looking at me in horror. On her lap was her … well, laptop computer … and perched on the computer screen was her new web cam. On the screen was the image of my son and his wife, in their living room in Honolulu, both holding their hands over their faces as if they’d been struck in the eyes by laser beams.
It never occurred to me that, in this wireless, online world, a middle-aged fat guy can no longer stroll half-nekkid through his own house.
I was out of town on business a few weeks ago, and happened to be in the same location as a friend. So we managed to arrange schedules for a dinner out. After dinner we’re walking around as she points out some of the sights in the city. As we walk over some sort of grate in the sidewalk, a strong gust of air comes up and there she is doing a Marilyn Monroe impersonation. Unfortunately I was walking a little ahead of her, so by the time my brain processed her horrified shriek, she had moved off the grate and gotten everything back in place.
I worked at a gourmet deli for a time when I was younger, in the Hamptons. One of our regulars was a movie star - like, a BIG TIME movie star, and quite glamourous in her younger days (40’s & 50’s), although she was still working into the 90’s. Well. She came in one summer day in a semi-buttoned denim shirt tied in a knot above her belly. She leaned over our cheese boards to point at someting on a lower shelf behind me …
And her boob popped out. She gave a low, throaty laugh, said “Oh my!” and gracefully popped it right back in and went on selecting cheese like nothing had happened. Dat broad had some class, let me tell yez.
Well, I’ll give a hint, seeing as I don’t wish to shame the good lady, who actually turned out to be just that – a very pleasant, well-mannered person (which was surprising, seeing the incredible boorishness of some of those I’ve met with only a fraction of her fame).
Here 'tis:
The ghost of Bogey was present, I believe, chuckling wryly.
A pretty young woman is walking down the street holding her hat on her head with both hands, when a gust of wind blows her skirt up, two passing men stop and stare… Young lady says to them “Gentlemen, what you are staring at is 20 years old, what I’m holding onto is brand new…”
