Sending good thoughts and prayers your way, faithfool. Hang in there. hugs tight
Hey, Sweetie! I sent you a PM. Not sure if you got it, I’ve not sent PMs before. You know I’m there for you anytime. Of course you and David are always in my prayers. <<great big hugs>>
I don’t have the eloquence to hope to offer you any comfort, but faithfool, kaiwik, I am thinking of you both, and sorry that you have to go through this.
faithfool, kaiwik… I know a little about what you’re going through and I wish you and your families the best. Just do the best you can and you’ll find whatever strength you need.
faithfool when I said that we seem to have a lot in common, I meant more than our brothers and cancer and messed up families. I am mental, and take medication. I have often been suicidal in the past, and have seemed to finally have enough of a grip on…what, how short life really is without shortening it further by my own hand? I have grappled with depression, and crisis of faith, and just about every unpleasantness there is under the sun, and still I am standing, with a family which has mostly come to love each other, a man who loves me even though the going has been and is again rough, and the simple pleasures of things such as the tulips I planted last fall finally blooming now, in July. Find that which is good and hold on to it with all your might, have the grace to allow the sad and then the healing tears to fall, and know that if you ever need someone, I am here.
Everyone else, sincerely from my heart, thank you.
Sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. 
Just recently an oncologist was talking with me about the issue, and it is indeed possible to have two different cancers arise at the same time, but such a situation would be extremely unusual.
The far more common situation is that cancer starts in one body part and then spreads to other organs like the lung or liver, so even though they might say that there’s a tumor in the liver (for example) it is still part of the original cancer, not a brand new liver cancer. Is it possible that is what the doctors meant and they just didn’t explain it very well?
If that were the case, then it would explain why they aren’t following up much on it because you still treat the cancer with the same kind of drugs even after it has spread to a different organ.
Anyway, I certainly wish you and your family the best in this very difficult situation.
Please don’t even think of it ! I just included that so the mods wouldn’t take what I meant as a genuine gesture and turn it into something bad. I know this sounds crazy, but when I speak to God, or type, as it were, it seems to have a different effect than when I think it. Be sure my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours and that is the *only * thing I can think when I see someone is hurting. But it makes me feel fine to see everyone offer words of kindness to you and yours and It gives me hope that maybe, together, we can all get through this life, when we can show our fellow residents of this earth a little compassion and kindness. Peace be with you.
{Oh yeah, I’ll be praying!}
Well, it might be running out, but it ain’t over til it’s over!
More going-out-of-my-mind fucking news; it’s much worse than I originally thought. The doctors say that it’s spread incredibly fast, just within the last week, that the outlook is growing dimmer. Today alone, it’s a new tumor in his throat and confirmation of some past things we weren’t sure about. So, in light of that, I think I’m going to request a sabbatical from the board, because I don’t trust myself not to go off the rails or to post and keep up with threads. I’m just more messed up than usual. I’m sorry y’all.
Regardless, you all have helped so much lately that I definitely wanted to take the time to respond to your beautiful words. And for the moment, the best way for me to do that without throwing the damn computer into the TV is to do a bullet point thingie. I hope no one minds or thinks it’s disrespectful. It certainly isn’t meant to be, just another quirk/trick I have to use sometime to get through another day. That’s enough of my whining, so I’ll simply go ahead and do my best to show my overwhelming appreciation for such terrific friends…
[ul]
[li]Nava – Yeah, I was afraid of that. I only held out hope that my mother somehow distorted it. And seeing as how we’ve both been in the same boat with multiple family members succumbing to this piece of shit disease, I can only say that my heart goes to you and any others that have had to go through this. I hate, hate, hate where it puts are loved ones.[/li][li]bigbabysweets – That’s completely true that, so far, we’ve been granted extra time. I initially clung to that when the reports kept getting progressively worse. Of course now, the inevitable is just too goddamn close. We all want more time with David and he craves more time with his children. It seems anything that can be done is so pathetic in light of what’s near. [/li][li]elbows – Oh, you are totally on the money with the observation about details. When he was first diagnosed last August, everyone had suggestions about what needed to be followed up immediately. A will, who/when to call people, song and bible passage ideas (!), a pastor to have on call, choice of funeral home made (!!), burial place, validation of insurance plans and even what clothes should be picked out to wear into the casket (oh, the necessity of that decision being made also)… you name it, that freakin’ covered it. I suppose I should be glad that he’s not being held responsible for the potluck that’ll take place after the fact. :mad: So, your advice is especially timely for someone like me, who takes worrying to an Olympic level. I’ll try to keep that constantly in mind. [/li][li]Kalhoun – As we grow closer, hospice is the foremost thing that I’ll encourage. I’m uncertain if anyone else will think of it (or even know what it consists of), but I’m afraid an uphill battle will ensue regardless. My sister-in-law, long before this, wasn’t one to relinquish (perceived) control of much anything. That’s only increased over this. But I’ll be trying anyway, for what it’s worth…[/li][li]OneCentStamp – That has to one of the most selfless and heartening offer I’ve ever had. Unfortunately, in my never ending ability to get everything fucked up during this, I somehow mangled my locations as well. We visited so many websites in the beginning, such as M.D. Anderson and The Cancer Centers of America (plus many more that I can’t even remotely remember), that I failed to realize I put the wrong name until I saw you were in Houston. What in the hell I was thinking, I have no idea. But I’m positive that would mean all my time spent at the hospital, is guaranteed to be in Dallas. At Baylor, I’m pretty sure. Og, that’s just another reason why I feel so useless. How could I get that wrong?! Which, sadly for David, is undoubtedly how I often get prognoses and results all messed up. I sincerely apologize for that, but your sentiments will stay with me forever.[/li][li]Rhiannon – I did indeed get your PM and I swear, SWEAR, that I’ll contact you before I’m set up not to be on the boards for a while. Just promise that you won’t feel stalked by some stranger on the phone. I’m so glad you’ve been there for me. [ ::: wan smile ::: ] An angel out there to help right now, is what the whole world needs. You know?[/li][li]kaiwik – I’m very grateful that you’re still standing. I wouldn’t have it any other way, because I believe this makes us kindred spirits now. Thank the heavens above that you’ve not only re-gained control, but that you have such awesome support around you and the appreciation of the really, true (and often small) things that matter in life. I sometimes feel I can grasp that part, it’s just the rest that derails me. Not to mention, it’s been so long and I even hate to ever feel that much because so many have it much, much worse, in all aspects. However, I guess I’m still trying. I no longer know what else to do. However, it’s one of my few top priorities that I won’t give up any fight while my brother still breaths. I’ll be there for him, in whatever I can, no matter what, until the end. Oh holy shit, why must things be this way??[/li][li]lavenderviolet – An oncologist? Is everything okay with you (or yours)? I know I’d be more than happy to add you to my prayers, such that they are. We are a family here after all, whatever we can do. The information that you provide has at least given me that ‘peace’ which comes from getting closer to understanding. I’m still not completely clear on what all that encompasses, but I’ll now have a bit to add to a Google search so that I won’t completely remain ignorant and, possibly, arm me with more to help. Just now I’ll have to beat my brain in to submission to push forward and not devolve into a complete mass of immobility.[/li][li]Omegaman – I’m relieved to hear that and I don’t want you to be overly concerned with fearing moderator action. Trust me, if there’s a problem with your posting style, you’ll first have it called to your attention by the members and then, if there’s still a problem or two, someone whose in a position of authority will give you a head’s up. Personally, I think you’ve progressed amazingly and you only have Up to go from there. On another note, I agree that the outpouring here is phenomenal. Of course, no one can ever expect any less.[/li][/ul]
Annie-Xmas, Yllaria, Khadaji, Kythereia, Dung Beetle, and Marley – Your words, like I’ve said before, are balm for our souls. I can’t thank everyone enough. I will share your messages, both to David and the rest that are close to him (and us too), feeling they are a miracle unto themselves. My belief is that this community is not only my home, but my friends and family also. I could never do without you. And despite the inherent corniness of the statement, you all really do have my love. If there is anything that I can do in return, ANYTHING, I will. Thank you so very, very much. Thank you.
~Kemi
In His Name, His Most Holy Name, This I Beg Of Thee ! On my knees, I Beg Thee! On my face, I beg Thee! In the dirt I beg Thee! Lord Almighty, I Beg Thee! You know me! I ask not for myself, but for the Well Being of others! Grant me this! Your most humble warrior! The Glory i will bring to you will exalt Your Name upon all! It will be a great day for you, my Lord!
Special prayers headed out!
Thank you both. I’m in the process of waiting to hear back on whether or not I’ll be granted a posting sabbatical, so I just wanted to leave off with saying that if anyone would like to reach me via email, it’s in my profile. Bless you all.
~Kemi
You don’t need to leave; I don’t think anyone minds if you don’t keep up with answering. But in any case we’ll be here thinking of you. My brother was seriously ill last year and while we had our ups and downs I couldn’t imagine losing him. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this and such dire news so fast and beyond your control.
Thinking of you and kaiwik,
Peace,
Gwendolen
I’m sorry for your bad news. The hospital will approach the family regarding hospice (in nearly every case I’ve seen). There is no relinquishing of control; they’re there to manage pain and ease the patient (and family) through the threshhold. Their services are free and I’ve been very positively impressed by every experience I’ve had with them. I hope she decides inviting them in will be the right path to take. Take advantage; they were a great comfort to me when my mom was dying.
{{{Faithfool and family}}}
I’m so sorry.
They helped a friend’s father and my own uncle as well. I believe a doctor can order it.
Hospice was a tremendous help to us in the last few months of my mother’s life. They saw to it that she had adequate pain relief, a special seat for the shower, a hospital bed in our living room, a special toilet seat that made it easier for her to get up and down on the toilet, etc.
Twice, they brought things for me, saying the caregiver needed care as well as the patient.
After she died, I received a survey from them, asking how the service could have been better. I responded that the only thing that could have made it better was if they had paid me for the privilege of coming to our home.
They were truly wonderful, and are still one of my favorite charities.