My brother is getting worse....

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

And I don’t really know what to do or if I’m strong enough (ha) to get through this with him, being whatever he needs. I just can’t begin to grasp the depth of how much this is just killing me. I should’ve fought harder to be closer to him and stay in his life. I should’ve overlooked more, worked harder to learn more about him. I am simply crumpling here. I’d much, much rather this be me than him.

Anyway, for those interested, the outlook isn’t even remotely good. The doctors think he has two separate kinds of Cancer, although that hasn’t been much followed up on and I’m not sure why, unless it’s because everything else is so bad that this is no longer important. Is it even possible to have more than one strain? I keep trying to read up on it, but I go over and over and over the words, yet can’t seem to understand or retain them for long.

Furthermore, ever tumor he has (especially including the really big one), has grown, while new smaller ones have crept up in his stomach. The most recent problems that landed him back in the hospital, has been continual pain in his back. The news today is that this is slowly spreading into his bones, most notably his spine. I’m not positive that I’m getting all this information right either. He’s still in such denial, he won’t hardly pay attention to what the specialist say, so obviously I can’t count on his idea of what all is going on. His wife is much better, getting everything down to the tiniest detail, but because of my mother’s treatment of her, she won’t hardly speak to any of us. I get that and although I’m far from her number one fan, I view all these petty shit as stuff that’s Not For Now. It’s only about David and all others should get along no matter what. Thanks mom, you unbelievably inconsiderate ass. :mad: :mad:

Lastly, they will no longer be seeing him at M.D. Anderson. He believes that this is only for his convenience, it being unnecessary to make the drive from east Texas into the metroplex area when all he has to do is take a pill, etc. My family ( :rolleyes: ) has already written this off to mean they’re sending him home to die. I have no idea which one is correct or if instead, it’s a combination of the two or something in the middle. I wish I knew more. I’ve spent as much time with him lately as my stupid fucking agoraphobia will alow, then I give him space so that my problems can remain hidden from him and he won’t be exposed to any of my depression/anxiety/whatever. As I’m sure is obvious, they all have enough on their plates already without me adding my insanity. Though I hope that’s the right call to make. I’m terrified of letting him down in any way. Tired of it too, for any time I’ve done so in the past.

Og. Fuck cancer.

Oh, and if this is positive, they’re scheduling a second MRI. Who knows what that’ll bring?

Anyway, there’s an update. I realized after finally logging back in after so long, that I’d managed to forget about my thread. I’m so very sorry to everyone for not having returned. It was never my intention to abandon it. Please forgive my mistake.

Thanks for reading this. David does take comfort in knowing a few more of my net friends are out there giving their generous good thoughts toward his life and family. On his behalf, bless you all. I can’t imagine how much more hurtful this would be for me to deal with if you guys weren’t here. I really appreciate the prayers and the like, supporting my heart while it breaks. Guys, everyone of you is wonderful.

~Kemi

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Oh hon, you have my deepest sympathy and prayers. I understand, different circumstances, but my baby brother is also dying of cancer, and is receiving no treatment other than morphine. I wish I could come and cry and comfort alongside you, know that you and David are in my prayers. If you have any to spare, my brother’s name is Jeff.

Bless you, you are a loving sister, and it’s terribly painful to say goodbye. If you want, my email is in my profile.

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I’m so sorry. Sending love and comfort both you and your brothers, faithfool and kaiwik.

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Oh kaiwik, I’m so very sorry. David is older than me, so it almost seems we grew up in different universes. I can’t fathom losing a younger brother. For some reason, that seems so much worse. And if I remember correctly, once the ‘morphine only’ stage is reached, that means nothing further can be done. Please tell me I’m wrong and this is just a momentary relapse. If not, you and Jeff (and all y’all’s loved ones too) certainly have my continual good thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for your sweet words. It’s that sort of extension of one’s self that makes me think I might be able to do somethings positive for him. I also appreciate your offer of emailing. For all intents and purposes, I apparently can’t do keeping up with electronic communication well. However I’d be more than happy to listen too if you ever need to talk, unload, share the burden. I’ll always be here for you. And if I do fail, for some reason PMs don’t feel quiet as daunting.

Best wishes and more. I’ll just still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that saying goodbye is imminent. They’re both too young with too much to live for. I hate this disease.

5

That sounds really terrible :frowning: Try not to blame yourself for the past. You did your best, and even if you didn’t you can at least do it from now on. Damn, I’m not really good at encouraging words like this. My prayers are with you and your family.

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Thank you Beaucarnea and Auto. Truly, from the bottom of my heart.
I also just realized that I didn’t link to my original thread. Gah, I’m so freakin’ tired. :frowning: Anyhow, here it is. Fortunately, I’m too sad these days to be that angry. Hopefully though, it’ll turn back to that soon. That feeling is a bit more easy to deal with.

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Thank you Beaucarnea and you too faithfool. My brother is 45 and in Federal Detention waiting sentencing. I don’t know what for, I don’t care about the details anymore, and it’s not as if he tells the truth about such matters. The point is that he is sick, they have diagnosed throat cancer, and there is no medical care other than treating the pain. I am torn, should a career criminal get medical care while institutionalized and on the taxpayers dime, but then again I remember the kid brother I grew up with. All I know is that it hurts my soul, and I am 1,500 miles away. Yeah, I believe, and I pray, and I lean on my God.

I hate cancer too. My grandmother died of cancer which began in her kidneys but spread everywhere, my grandfather died of pancreatic cancer, my (step)Dad has prostate cancer which he was operated on for, but they didn’t get it all. My Mom keeps telling me that “It’s a slow growing cancer.” It doesn’t help.

faithfool it sounds as if we have a lot in common. I am not great about keeping up with email, but I am available. And if I find myself needing another hurting soul to lean on, I will certainly email you. For some of us life is especially hard. It is one of the greatest blessings in my life to find that I am not alone in my troubles.

Take care of yourself.

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faithfool and kaiwik this is the time you never thought and never wanted to go through. It sucks and I won’t lie. It gets worse, and it gets better. Mostly, it just sucks the life out of you and time seems to come to a complete stop until it is over. Then it suddenly seems to be a blur.

But, it still sucks.

Take care of yourselves.
Peace to both.

Joan

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I know what I will tell you will sound insane, but pray for him and everyone who touches him to pray too. The Lord our God has the power to make such a trivial thing as cancer go away. It is just an infection, not as much as you think it is. Pray, pray like it just a pimple. To Him, that is all it is. I speak to our Lord and tell him to make it just an infection. I wish to the Lord my God that I could touch him and pray with my meek soul to grant him victory over an illness so weak that it would be but a blemish on his soul. Nothing, nothing but a blemish on a soul of victory for a soul that burns like the Sun for Him. Cast nothing but a pure and simple Victory over the evil that casts its hate upon the hate that evil is. My Lord, My Father, burn this evil to the ground. It is Nothing! You know what I will sacrifice for You! It will give the lives of a thousand Souls! Please my God ! Grant this victory to my sorry soul. I owe you one already and the harvest you will reap from me will sate many debts. Please mods dont shit on me. My life is running out. Dont take away even my words.

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Agreed. What’s past is past, over, done, let it go though sometimes that’s easier to say than to do. My thoughts are also with both of you, faithfool and kaiwik, in this most difficult, painful and unfair time.

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I’m so sorry, faithfool and kaiwik. I’m thinking of you and yours.

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kaiwik, it does seem we’re in the same miserable boat. At least it’s together, right? I’m very grateful too, to know that I’m not alone. And as a side note, David is also 45. That’s just too damn young. As far as cancer goes and getting at other members of my family (unfortunately, I didn’t know anyone on my dad’s side, which is another thing I regret – but I have no idea what sort of causes of death and such that they had – plus, dad can’t tell you those type of things, he’s just not equipped to), my great great (great?) aunt, another regular old great aunt, my grandmother and my mom when I was only nine. When I had my hysterectomy earlier this year, we were afraid that maybe some of the complication and causes might be due to that. Fortunately, that didn’t turn out to be the case… so far anyway. And for the progression to be slow or not, I still hate all the hardships our loved ones are facing. Since I teeter on the edge of seriously considering suicide a lot, that just isn’t fucking fair.

Again, bless you for your kind words. Happily, we can be there for each other and I’m ever so glad for the opportunity. You don’t know how grateful I am for that warm gesture. Thank you so much. Hugs to Jeff, you and everyone else.

Joan: I think those are the truest and most accurate assessment of this kind of situation that I’ve heard so far. I know I have to face the truth of it all (and not dwell on the past or forgive myself, but it’s supposedly not in my nature to do so :rolleyes: – I appreciate you, as well as vivalostwages pointing that out – wise words that I hope to heed), and I’m not too thrilled with the promise of more suckitude. However, I’m sure that with time (dear Og, more and more of that shit…) the hurting will lessen until it isn’t entwined in every waking moment of my life. But is it wrong to just want to be let the fuck up? David should be allowed to simply skip to the more peaceful part and not have to go through every bit of disappointment and fear and sadness and burden (among others), on top of our inability to help much? Not right. :frowning:

Omegaman, you’re wonderful for thinking of us. You honestly don’t owe me anything. I really only want us to be friends and for their to be mutual support, help and kindness. What more could I ask? This ending part though…

…what does it mean? Please let me (us) know if there’s anything we can do. Whatever you too are going through, know you’re not alone and that you really do have a positive effect on people. We’re always here. {{{ hugs }}}

My gratitude to you as well Sunspace. You guys are the best and as I said (I think – if not, I did it anyway) in my first thread, I’ll be printing this out for him to read and on top of it, I hope to convey the beauty that members of the Dope are. Thank you all again, a million times over. I do love you guys.

~Kemi

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Kemi, yes, it’s possible to have several strains of cancer at the same time. It’s also possible to have the same kind fifteen years apart and be unrelated (except for having been the same gen that broke).

In the last four generations, the only males in my Dad’s heavily-male side who did not die of cancer were Dad’s Mom’s Dad (a doctor, he got TB treating his patients during an epidemic and died of it at age 30), Great-uncle Jaime (in battle during the Spanish Civil War of 1936) and Great-uncle Jesús (died at 91, cause of death “old age,” excuse me, “cardiorespiratory arrest”). The list of those who died of cancer is a lot longer and includes my Dad and (several years later) his older brother. I have one aunt on each side; both are breast cancer survivors.

Having a sick person in your life is always painful; having someone for whom you can’t think what to do is worse. You and your brothers are in my prayers, faithfool and kaiwik.

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I am sorry to learn about this, my prayers for him and everyone in your family (including hopes for your Mom to possibly come around). The only consolation I feel is that your original thread dates back to a year now. That’s an extra 6 months of time with his family that he may have not have had without treatment.

So sorry.

15

You both have my most sincere sympathies for the difficulties you are facing.

When death comes near, it seems to me, human beings somehow manage to become obsessed about the details, information, all the little things they can imagine controlling. They seem to need something to control when faced with the completely uncontrollable. I found it a diversion from a reality too difficult to face even when it was literally ‘in my face’.

Someone came into my home and said as much to me. “This is going to come - regardless. Stop focusing on arrangements, exchanges of info, family dynamics and other details. Resist the urge. Decide what is important to you and stay in the moment.” It was wonderful advice for me at the time. It refocused my attention on being there for my loved one and let the angst over all the other trivial matters slip away.

You are both in my prayers. I wish you and your families comfort and peace.

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Hospice is for the whole family. You might want to call hospice care providers in your brothers’ areas just to have someone to talk to. They understand and have made a career of helping people deal with each stage of the process.

My thoughts are with you both.

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I extend my best wishes to both faithfool and kaiwik, who have both been my SDMB Secret Santas (odd coincidence, no?) Good thoughts to you and your brothers.

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My best wishes are, of course, with you and your family.

Beyond that, if there is any material help I can offer, please let me know. I live in Houston and work a mile from MD Anderson; if someone needs a place to stay, a ride somewhere, or anything else in my power, I would be happy to oblige. I wish I’d known sooner.

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Sympathy and good wishes to David, Jeff, faithfool, and kaiwik. We’re all pulling for you.

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I am sorry to hear your news. Sending supporting thoughts your way.