Partially inspired by this thread.
My new kitten (cite) is fantastic. I keep reading these threads started by the rest of you peons who feel the need to lament the peccadillos of your own kittens.
Sadie the Cat doesn’t keep me up at night. In fact, she sleeps curled up next to me or, if I’m laying on my back, between my legs with her head resting on my knee. If I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, she waits at my bedroom door for me to come back.
Sadie the Cat doesn’t meow constantly. Sometimes she’ll walk into the room and “meep” for no real reason, just to let you know she’s not mute. Otherwise, hardly anything.
Sadie the Cat kills vampires. She drags them up the stairs and into the apartment by their bowties. Cleaning up the blood and white makeup is more than reasonable considering the importance of living in a vampire-free apartment complex.
Sadie the Cat is fearless. New visitors are extra people to play with. I don’t have to show guests my awesome kitten. She introduces herself all on her own.
Sadie the Cat periodically leaves chunks of 24 carat gold in her litterbox.
Sadie the Cat greets me every day when I get home from school by waiting next to my bed. Once I take off my shoes, she jumps up and nuzzles my neck until she’s satisfied that I’m home.
Sadie the Cat sleeps on my computer monitor and periodically leans over to make sure the screen is ok.
Sadie the Cat plays the Hand Game. The rules of this game are simple. One puts their hand up to Sadie the Cat’s face, and she proceeds to ‘hug’ the hand with her paws and alternately nuzzle/lick/gnaw at the hand. The hand game is Grade A certifiable awesome. Scientists are currently in the process of attempting to replicate the Hand Game under labratory conditions.
Anything that dangles from anything else is a toy. When a certain buddy’s girlfriend is over, I’ll periodically see a grey shadow leaping through the air to get at this girl’s hair. The “anything that dangles” rule is also why Sadie the Cat isn’t allowed in the bathroom.
Sadie the Cat perches on my shoulder like a pirate’s parrot.
Sadie the Cat has defeated both Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris in hand to hand combat. Simultaneously.
Sadie the Cat chases her tail and regularly catches it.
So really, I don’t want to hear all this jibba jabba about how your cats suck. It’s your own damn fault for not owning Sadie the Cat.