I suppose I don’t disagree with you, but it seems others got what I meant. I guess it goes to show you that perceptions aren’t always reality, no? Your perception of my tone, my perception that I have a basic grasp on the English language. Etc and so forth.
I never metaconversation I didn’t like.
In Soviet Russia, conversations meta you.
One person got what you meant. The person you were talking to read it the same way I did. Other people are mum on the subject.
FWIW, I don’t think your response was out of line in the least–just that it was very much not what you apparently intended it to be. (And part of me thinks that you did mean it exactly the way I think you did, but now you’re feeling bad about getting even mildly snarky in retaliation to snark aimed at you. 
I mean, it even makes sense in context–**Zebra **makes a sarcastic comment about you being better than him, and you respond by saying, “You have the capacity be just as awesome as I am, and here’s how to do it.”)
If I’ve made one thing apparent in my long tenure on this board, its been that I basically never feel sorry for the horrible shit I say. It’s a gift, it is. 
Though I suppose I did apologize earlier for misunderstanding someone’s tone, but I’d argue that’s a little different.
Yes, I wouldn’t have expected that from you, either. I figured maybe you just saw a kid get hit by a bus and you [del]were so tired from giggling[/del] were so moved that you decided to take pity on some message-board ranter. 
Na, I was amped up on the adrenaline rush of beating up one of the nerdy, gay kids with the rest of my super cool kid debate team- nothing can bring me down!
Actually, I was not interested in scaring any of them. I wanted them to bleed, and they did - just like anyone else. Up until that point there was always one asshole or another. Once they figured out I was not playing, and would not back down, they went looking for easier targets. That pattern has never changed for me, whether it was in grade school, high school, the Army, or work. The worst ones only understand force.
Every time I tried to cut any bully some slack for any reason - in school, on the job, whatever, THEY always escalated it. Somehow, “I am going to tear your fucking heart out and feed it to you” gets instant attention. When they see you really intend to do it, they leave you alone. That never changes.
Added on edit: I walked a way from a fight once. I got jumped from behind for my troubles. Next time I attacked on sight and we “came to an understanding” right then and there.
Wow. So, you’re saying the constant pattern in your life is one bullying asshole after another who just won’t stop escalating things until you make them bleed? Have you ever explored ways of breaking that pattern that don’t depend on the other guys not pissing you off?
Just to be clear (and so I don’t seem all armchair psychologisty here), what I’m suggesting is that there’s a chance your perception that you’re being victimized by these guys would look really different from a neutral observer’s viewpoint. And I only suggest that because you’ve said it’s a constant pattern in your life to “have” to deal physically with aggressors. This may mean you’re one of those ‘prone to violence’ guys I’m talking about.
A couple of things.
1 - A simple statement like, “I love peanut butter” will be misinterpreted by someone. Even though I easily understood her intent, because you and Ze-“I’ll overreact to everything”-bra didn’t, that doesn’t count. The fault for misinterpreting her couldn’t be on your end, could it? Of course not; that would involve admitting you were wrong.
Which is a perfect demonstration of how you missed my point. Isn’t it funny how Diosa didn’t intend an insult at all, but Zebra (and you) misinterpreted it as a bitchy slam. Your perception of her intent was wrong; incorrect perceptions just happen to be what several people in this thread have mentioned in regards to how bullied kids can be perceiving things incorrectly themselves (like how “no one” cares at all, the teachers obviously see what’s going on and they don’t do anything, the teacher encourages the bullies to “keep him/her in line”, that there is no way that the bullied kid could ever (even unintentionally) done anything obnoxious or rude themselves. Even later as an adult, refusing to even consider that perhaps those bullies were asshole kids who then grew up to be normal, decent human beings instead of complete monsters).
You two read an insult where there was none. But, after Diosa confirmed there was no intended snark, instead of calmly doing the equivalent of, “oh, my bad. Misread (this part)”, you diplomatically say
and
When faced with the person flat out telling you what their intention was, you are aggressive in return and even say part of you still thinks she really meant what you thought she meant. Your interpersonal communications (and not just in this thread) are aggressive and extremely myopic.
2 - Your protective and defending attitude towards bullied kids in this thread is… hilariously incongruent with your messageboard persona, which is all about being a caustic asshole at the littlest provocation… which often makes you look like a bully yourself when you post..
As someone who was bullied through elementary school and middle school I can relate, and I’m so sorry it has to happen to your kid or any other kid. The scars are there forever. I’m 36 and I still bear them.
As an educator, I’m outraged. That principal and every teacher in that school should be brought to bear the responsibility of their inaction. We suspend immediately at the first sign of bullying. Yes, with 300 students we don’t always see it right away, but we keep our ears and eyes open and remain constantly vigilant. I’m so sorry that you and the kid are going through it. Document and be the squeaky wheel. If the principal doesn’t listen, go up the ladder. Someone somewhere wants to know that this is happening. Good luck!
jackboots are hot
Good point. If you consistently 1 - have aggressors* that 2 - you “have” to deal with physically… try pondering what (or… who) is the common denominator in these situations. Kind of like the Nice Guy who says that all women are shallow bitches who go for bad boys or the woman whose relationships are always with men who turn abusive.***
- Past freaking high school, even?
** At work?
*** and no, I’m not saying that woman “deserves” to be with an abuser.
I never said it was a “bitchy slam.” I thought it was a mildly snarky and clever retort. I also don’t think that she was saying **Zebra **wasn’t a good person–simply that she was taking his sarcastic insult, which implied that she wasn’t one, and turning it back on him to suggest that he turn his negative experiences into a motivation to do something positive.
1.) The former is just plain factual. That’s how language works. “Do x” is a command. “Doing x” is the progressive aspect. The former implies that you’re not doing something currently; the latter indicates that it’s an ongoing action. l2englishkthx
2.) The latter was a joke, as you well know, since you conveniently left off the smiley at the end.
You’re a retard. I say what I want to say instead of being polite and diplomatic when I think someone is full of shit, in the Pit. I almost never abuse people just for the sake of abusing them.* Because that’s what this forum is for. Anybody who posts in this forum is agreeing to partipate; any time they want it to stop, all they have to do is *stay out of the Pit *and post in the other 91 2/3% of the board. I enjoy my freedom from having to censor myself in this one, small area. Outside of the Pit, you won’t see it. I’ve never gotten a single warning from a moderator, and the only note I ever got was when I forgot that the “address the argument, not the person” restriction didn’t carry over to calling something a lie (i.e., you can neither call someone a liar *nor *call what they’re saying a lie).
Anybody who comes into the Pit and whines about being mocked for saying something stupid is an idiot.
*Extremely rare exceptions are people I find absolutely loathesome, like **curlcoat **and Rand Rover.
Exactly the way I interpreted it. But I’ll take DB’s word that she meant it a bit differently. People say things clumsily or inartfully pretty damn often, particularly in quickly composed posts. It’s not like we’re writing research papers when we comment on a message board.
Eh, not really. People can speak (or post) meanly toward people they feel particularly deserving of vitriol and yet be concerned on behalf of people they feel don’t deserve having been attacked. This is one of the points the teachers have made over and over (heh heh) in this thread: kids behaving badly toward other kids don’t often see themselves as the bad guy, and when they draw a response do tend to see themselves as the victim. And as we find later in life, that perception problem doesn’t end in school.
Indeed. Which is why I made sure to *specify *exactly why I read it the way I did–so that she’d know how to avoid people making the same misinterpretation in the future.
If you guys don’t stop talking all nerd-like, I’m going to use my vast teacher powers to summon the cool kids to come give you all a bunch of swirlies. Your choice.
Gah. Debate nerds don’t scare me, lady. I been worked over by band geeks. (Once you’ve had a cornet cold-cocking catastrophically crinkle your cornea, you learn to walk with an ear out for danger and keep a beat or two ahead of it.) (Oh, and strangely, you start to speak aliteratively.)
You keep that up, and we’ll have to see if you fit inside a sousaphone case.
Experimental evidence suggests the answer is “probably”.
–Z, band geek, Don of the Cornet Mafia.
Interestingly, band harassment never struck me as bullying, mostly because stuff that falls under the category of “tit-for-tat hijinks” doesn’t strike me as such, either.
Actually, no. I tend to give people a lot of leeway. I am likely to say “he just had one beer too many” or “screw it, he’s just having a bad day”. Really. However there are those who don’t know how to act. My problem if you want to call it that, is I absolutely refuse to let anyone threaten me or put their hands on me. Once, they get a pass. the second time, they have a problem.
I don’t have a “constant pattern” so don’t bother trying to build up that straw man. I could probably count all the fights on one hand, over my lifespan - that’s probably less than many other people. I just have certain well defined boundaries and I allow no one to cross them. I respond to threats directly and in a simple way. I don’t see myself as having been victimized, because I would not and did not allow it. That’s all there is to it.