IMHO, the problem with the essay is it’s not an essay. It’s just a collection of sentences. There’s no introduction, body, and conclusion (and no discreet paragraphs with topic sentences within each section).
Why would the same paper get a higher grade if written by a student with a disability? I’d think there should be one standard, applicable to all students. In math, 2 + 2 = 4. All students who answer “4” get credit for a correct answer. All students who answer “Not 4” get dinged for a wrong answer. Race, gender, disability–all irrelevant.
Hmm… If you are talking mathematics, why, you may have a point.
However, this is not mathematics --this is writing, and it is a lot “fuzzier” than mathematics. I can see a mentally disabled student and a “normal” student presenting written essays that are more or less at the same level, and the disabled student getting a higher grade, because he has had to exert himself more in order to overcome his disability and express himself. The higher grade there wouldn’t be for “correctness”, but for “effort”. Above and beyond the call of duty and all that.
That’s garbage. Would you want a heart surgeon that got through school on “effort” instead of knowing how to perform heart surgery?
I agree with this. Have her go back through and outline this paper - it’s all over the place. Each paragraph is okay on their own, but they’re word islands, unconnected to any central theme.
The opening paragraph hides her theme - that “the world isn’t always fair and people aren’t what they appear”. I think that theme is okay - but doesn’t truly hit what Harper Lee is going for. Have her boil it down to one digestible point that’s she’s come up with.
It also seems that she’s connected with Boo - that’s great. He’s a wonderful character to write about, and can fit any of the themes that Lee covers. But she focuses a little too much on Scout and Jem.
Finally, the concluding paragraph should have a conclusion - not just a statement of what happened in the book. “Boo showed the children who he really was” isn’t a conclusion - it’s just a fact from the book. What did that revelation ultimately mean for Boo and for the children? How did it tie into the theme(s) of the rest of the book?
There is a certain format for essays that was drilled into me starting in middle school. I don’t know how broadly this approach is taught, but it works well for every imaginable topic. If your daughter lacks experience in outlining essays, or in establishing a clear structure, she should try this. It’s the classic “Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them.”
Shoot for one paragraph per numeral below.
I. Introduction and thesis statement. A few sentences introducing the reader to the topic. Final sentence of the first paragraph is the thesis statement. Format of the thesis statement is something like, “The residents of Maycomb thought Boo Radley was a monster, but it’s clear that he was actually brave, kind and observant.” (In other words, the thesis says that you will be arguing points A, B and C in the paper.)
II. Point A (Boo Radley was brave because…) with supporting quotes
III. Point B (Boo Radley was kind because…)
IV. Point C (Boo Radley was observant because…)
V. Conclusion. Include a re-statement of the thesis.
This is a great format…if the goal is to get a C or D. Higher level papers flow a lot better than the traditional five paragraph essay allows for.
Nowadays, profs and teachers search madly for plagiarism. They could easily stumble upon this thread. Several years ago, when I was in grade 10, this happened to me. Permanent record stuff. It was a terrifying and embarrassing situation, but alas, I have never even come close to such an act again.
If I recall correctly, I was still using the five paragraph essay in 11th grade and receiving good grades for them. And in 12th grade, I took the AP English exam and received college credit for my high school English classes, so this wasn’t a case of a poor school system either.
This appears to be a one-page limit essay - it fits perfectly on one page after you account for paragraph breaks. So I definitely would not classify this as a “higher level” paper. More of a quick writing assignment.
How old is 11th grade? Is it about 16? (enter school at 5, 11 years of school?)
If so, I would have written something like that under exam conditions, with quotes done from memory…so if it was a prepared paper, I would have expected nothing more than a C at best
Sorry, I can’t resistinvoking the Master…
More to the point, I’ve taught and mentored at the grad and post-grad levels. Sadly, I wouldn’t be surprised if something of this caliber came across my desk from a pre-law student (my apologies to the few competent attorneys out there). Your daughter has grasped the crux of the novel… but failed to expand her exploration of it. Asperger’s is funny that way, like most of the conditions in the autism spectrum. My experience with folks with these conditions is that the writing process benefits greatly from “talking it out” and taking notes - regardless of whether the student or “thought helper” takes the notes, having reference points to focus on the content and guide the writing process helps tremendously.
I am pretty surprised to hear of a class reading To Kill A Mockingbird in 11th grade/10th grade honors class. I think we read it in 7th grade.
I don’t know how to assess this by grade level. It’s a lot better than many high school and college graduates could do. It’s not as good as many younger children could do. I would rate it higher than the poll choices.
I think your daughter is avoiding the principle subject of the book, but she does understand the relationship of one sub-plot about Boo to that principle subject. That avoidance is probably common among high school and middle school students. Rape and racism are tough subjects to discuss for everybody. Just look at the threads on this board that deal with those subjects.
I agree.
There isn’t, though. I don’t get it either.
As a fellow test grader I’d be more inclined to a high three. The of the essay structure is very simplistic and does not engage the reader.
Agreed. That kind of structure comes across as very pedantic and indicative of typical lower level writing. If you want to aim higher you have to make the transitions between ideas flow better.
That is entirely incorrect. The format is not a fill in the blank pattern. It’s a general organizational structure. It’s a bit predictable, and thus might not get you an A in higher classes and will almost certainly never win you an award of any kind, but it ought to at least get you a B if you write well at all.
Well, as long as you don’t use it for anything longer than maybe five pages, as the paragraphs get too long at that point.
I’ve been reluctant to share my writing here, as I’m sure a lot of you write better than me. But here’s a small excerpt I used back in an eleventh grade paper. I followed the 5 paragraph format.
The format allowed me a perfectly good transition.
Man, the test of time has gotten a lot easier 
You people. I swear.
Once again someone comes in asking for assistance and the Dopers collectively drop the ball. With the fine intellect that is often on display, I find it difficult to believe that folks won’t come forth and smarten this paper up a bit.
Ergo, I propose we each take a line and take a crack at it to come to the aid of the poster(s) in question.
I’ll start:
should be:
To Kill a Mockingbird! The very title elicits a conflux of mixed emotions confluxing intermittently. Is it about killing? Killing birds? Killing mockingbirds? What could this mean?
Well, the book by Harper Lee is about a plucky girl, Scout Finch, her plucky brother Jem and her equally plucky father Atticus. I tell you, the apple didn’t fall far from *that *family tree!
The novel takes place during the 1930’s –a time of despair, destitution and despondency in the rugged hellhole of the Deep South that is Alabama. I tell you, those mockingbirds never stood a chance!
O.K., that’s all I got.
^slanty smiley