I wasn’t suggesting that her thesis statement and sentences read anything like what I posted there. I was trying to illustrate structure only, which her essay is sadly lacking.
I used that approach through high school and college, and got high marks on my papers. That structure is a guideline only, and can support sophisticated arguments in the hands of a proficient writer. Each key idea can have anywhere from one paragraph to several pages to support it. The point is: have a thesis to support. Support your thesis. Summarize your argument at the end. It works well.
I wouldn’t take off points for this, but parenthetical citations including the author’s name are kind of goofy in a book review.
That is, unless she was citing other works in the paper, which she isn’t.
Beyond that, I would have to see the wording of the assignment itself to grade the paper. If it’s supposed to be formatted like a paper, rather than an article, I’d give it a D. The language is too conversational and the overall tone is too conclusory.
ETA: And as Oakminster notes, it would give anyone who hasn’t read the book a rather limited idea of what it’s about.