So we had an assignment to write a college essay in English this year. I turned in the following paper. My teacher told me he reluctantly gave me an “A” on it.
He asserted that, while it was certainly good enough for an “A” in his class, it wasn’t fit to send in as a college essay.
You see, we were supposed to write an essay that would convey our personality to the reader. Most of the kids B.S. their way through it; I tried a different approach:
The message of the essay is a truth about my personality, and it is presented naturally. But my nature happens to be confusing and sarcastic. My English teacher said that the admissions people will think I am a smart ass. They probably will.
Nevertheless, I like the essay and think it is more honest than anything else I could write. If I believe this essay can get me into college, then I send it in. If it is too risky, then I have a choice to make.
Interesting essay, made me think of an old friend (kind of a little bantam rooster type of guy) when I read it. You aren’t short and red headed are you?
One bit of totally unrelated advice: you may wish to remove your name and social security number from the paper you have on your website.
Before I read it, my usual essay advice it to be honest and yourself as much as you possibly can. Even if you fail (aren’t accepted, etc) you do so with integrity (and flair!)
After reading it, go for it. And if you’re ever in Pittsburgh e-mail me and we can have lunch. Send the sucker in. And ditch your SS# from the website. (Though for punch you may want to edit the last line to just echo the first. If they haven’t gotten the pointy by then they just won’t appreciate it. Keep the energy.)
Frankly, you’re wrong. But I don’t expect you to accept that, as your essay pretty much precludes such a self-discovery. You have a circular logic that is pretty much unassailable.
An essay in a college application will only make a difference in some circumstances:
If your GPA and/or test scores are marginal for acceptance, an essay might put you over the top or sink you.
If you’re trying to get entrance into a fiercely competitive “elite” school, an essay will be looked at more closely.
If neither of these two conditions apply, go ahead and use it.
If they do, use something else. Your paper demonstrates a facility with language, a distinct lack of maturity, and a definite unwilllingness to consider other points of view,
Do you want a serious answer? O.K., then, you come across as a jerk in that essay. It barely even deserves being described as an essay. It’s a rant. A correctly spelled, grammatically correct rant, perhaps, but it’s just a rant. When a college admissions office wants to see an essay, they want to see one which develops a statement by offering evidence for the statement. You simply repeat the statement over and over. If you want to prove to the admissions committee how smart you are, get perfect SAT’s.
Ditch it - much too arrogant (no, I did NOT read all of it - I am much too important a person to concern myself with the likes of you) an approach to take when asking for favorable judgement.
(and the SDMB requests that we not post personal identification data)
An essay that stands out is good; one that sounds juvenile isn’t. Quite frankly, your essay just sounds (to me) like a hoity-toity way of saying, “I’m so smart that I’m always right, nyaa nyaa nyaa!” My guess is that the college entrance exam folks would have the same reaction to it as an essay whose tone was, “You’re lucky I’ve decided to attend your college.”
Too arrogant, too juvenile in tone.
It somewhat reminded me of this essay, but not as clever.
As tempting as that is, I am far too insecure of myself and my paper to take that part out.
In the first draft of the essay, those last two paragraphs were much subtler. I thought that the first paragraph and the little hints throughout were enough to get the point across, but they really weren’t.
And it is starting to seem that the current incarnation of the essay isn’t clear enough, either.
The interesting (and maybe sad) part is that this is only a slightly exaggerated version of me in everyday life. (Click here for more info on that than you EVER wanted to know.)
If it were indeed the truth (and quite often, no matter how much you believe it to be true, its all a facade in the end), I would do my utmost not to enrol you.
To take a leaf out of Pratchett, there is nothing more painful that trying to educate a “smart” person. a “smart” person doesn’t want to learn because they think they know it all.
It all depends of if you want to feel smug making your little statement and giving the finger to the Man, or if you want to hunker down, use the system and actually try to achieve something.
I’ve always found the phrase “Tell us about yourself” to be completely useless for getting to know a person. My personality is too large a subject to authoritively describe in one page, and I doubt that anyone else in the world is much different in that regard. Off the top of my head, here are five infinitely better “getting to know you” type questions colleges could ask.
What is the last book you read? Why did you read it?
What was your last job? Did you enjoy it? Why?
Describe the qualities that make a good teacher. State why they are important, preferably drawing from personal experience.
Do you believe your life has a specific purpose? What is it and why?
Why the hell do you want to go to college. feeling uppity? Too good for your hometown? Afraid to work 10 hours a day in the coal mines like your old man? Huh? Huh?. . . goddamn punk.
My essays made a big difference in my college admissions, since I had high test scores and great recommendation letters but mediocre grades. I had three essays: 1) an essay about using Socratic philosophy to overcome my anger at an ex-friend, 2) an essay about writing and staging a play I wrote my junior year, 3) an annoying, stupid, “I’m proud to be a minority and everyone else should too,” essay which I didn’t like but felt was necessary for some schools.
The colleges I applied to got various combinations of these essays (i.e. some got #1 and #3, others #2 and #3, etc.). The verdict? Sadly, the lame-ass minority essay and the playwriting one won out. (In at Brown and Tufts, waitlisted at Yale and Williams). The colleges I sent the very interesting anger management one to tended not to accept me. (Amherst, Pomona, Swarthmore) There were few enough independent variables that I really do think the essays played some part.
I’m bringing this up because my anger management essay sounded just a little bit like yours. Much more humble, with all due respect, but a similar “I’ve got it figured out” tone to it. It didn’t fly.
What schools are you thinking of applying to? As Yojimboguy pointed out, most schools outside of the top-25 only ask for essays 1) to make sure you know how to write in English 2) for special scholarships or honors admittance.
Find and follow Esther M. Friesner’s “Why I Want to Come to Brewer College” in the September 2002 F&SF. Copy it exactly. Or maybe you shouldn’t.
Honestly, don’t try to come across as a complete smart-ass. If you haven’t learned how to BS a paper yet, you need to start. It makes English 101 so much easier.
I just read it. You came across as an arrogant jerk. Don’t get me wrong, the fact that it’s not all just B.S. is GREAT (and I’m not being sarcastic.) However, the way you wrote the essay, especially beginning with “I am the smartest person in the world” makes it sound as if you are taking this as a joke.
Don’t use it. College admissions officers may say they’re looking for honesty or originality, but in practice the short, serious, and conventional essay will win out every time. It’s more important to avoid unimpressing the people who read your essay than to impress them.
You’ve actually been given a tricky assignment, because it’s difficult to write an essay about your own personality without sounding self-absorbed. What I’d suggest doing is storytelling. Think about something you’ve done that says something about you – maybe the way you handled a dilemma of some sort – or an experience that helped shape your personality, and describe what happened as vividly as possible. Don’t hit the reader over the head with the point of the story (a lot of good essays are ruined by smarmy moralizing: “In conclusion, this is how I learned the importance of self-confidence…”). Just include details that bring out that point naturally.
Oh, and make sure there are some characters in your story that aren’t you. The admissions officers will be sick and tired of essays full of “I … I … I” long before they get to yours.
Another voice saying ditch it. Understand that this vote is coming from a person who wrote in his graduate school application something to the effect of “there’s no way in hell you’re letting me in your school.”
My essay consisted of reasons why any rational person would deny me entry to their school and then even better reasons as to why I should be accepted anyway. I got in to all 6 of the schools I applied to and I have no doubt part of that came from what I wrote in my essay.
I would support an offbeat essay in a nanosecond…but not this one. I read it knowing it was sarcastic and I couldn’t even get that vibe. I can’t even imagine what the admissions committee would think. Sarcasm of this nature needs to be so over the top it’s scary. You don’t get oh so helpful googly eyes :rolleyes: to convey your point like you do here and the administration doesn’t know you from Adam.
This is your one and only one chance to speak to them like an individual and if you want to be an individual then go for it! But not that essay. Please trust me and most of the people in this thread when I say not that essay.
Honestly? Sorry, but in my opinion as a person who has graded thousands of college essays, it is pathetic. The spelling and grammar is fine, but there is no indication of mature thought.