Pretzel was my dear little dachshund dog and today I made the terrible, terrible decision to euthanize her. She was paralyzed and the neurosurgeon said there was little chance of recovery. My lap is empty and I feel so alone.
I’ve never been especially attached to a pet before this. But for whatever reason Pretzel “chose” me to especially love. At first I was just amused but soon grew deeply attached to her as well. She was either in my lap, sleeping next to me, or looking at me. If I was late coming home from work she drove everyone else crazy, pacing and whining. As soon as I sat in the computer chair she would excitedly jump up, wagging her tail, and settle into the crook of my arm for a warm snuggle.
I miss her so much it hurts.
How do you get beyond the guilt? Surgery was $5,650 + and the odds were about 50% of any meaningful recovery. The neurosurgeon was not optimistic. She had lost all sensation of even the deepest pain.
My little dog trusted me and I feel like I have betrayed her faith. I know she would do anything for me and just loved me. And I put her to death. I held her as she died and cried over her until the tech came to get her. I went to work because I didn’t want to go home and now here I am.
I wish we had known sooner to operate.
I wish I had not put her to sleep.
If anyone reading this has had to do the same thing, please write.
Yes, as Bosda said, you did the right thing, rewindforward. My cat Rundi was 18 when I had to have her put to sleep because her kidneys were failing. I did what a friend should do – look after my friend, and see she didn’t suffer. I was with her at the end. She knew that.
My thoughts are with you. I’m so sorry about your loss.
I had a dog–it was actually the former parents-in-law’s dog–named Stump. He was a silly looking thing with the head of a hound and the body of a (large) dauchshund, and although he was friendly with everyone, from the first time he saw me I was The Boy. (I get this a lot with dogs but even still it was peculiar, especially as I only saw him five or six times a year.) He was a stray who found a good home, but about four years later he started getting lethargic and a trip to the vet resulted in a diagnosis of cancer. They did try to treat him, but the chemo didn’t take and just made him ill, so when he really started to suffer (the tumor was in his chest, and finally he couldn’t lay down and breathe comfortably) we had to have him euthanized.
I’m sure you did everything you could short of an extravegent surgery which (based upon the neurosurgeon’s assessment) would have probably done nothing but prolonged Pretzel’s misery and discomfort. She depended upon you to make the right choices for her, however much it hurt, and you did so. There was nothing more you could do. Even if you’d diagnosed the problem earlier it may have not made any distance. (Back problems and paralysis are common with dauchshunds, as you probably know.)
Mourn her, but know that you did the best you could. And when it’s time, go rescue a dog from the pound or the Humane Society to fill (but not replace) the void left by Pretzel’s passing.
Your dog’s trust in you was well placed. When faced with her suffering, you did what you had to do, despite the pain it caused you. That’s very noble.
Considering the chances were slim that she’d be her old self again, it would have been a bit selfish for you to put her through the pain of surgery just because you couldn’t bear to part with her. Don’t feel guilty-- you made the right choice. It was the only thing you could do.
I sympathize deeply with your pain. I know nothing I say can make it any better, but realize that you gave your dog a wonderful, happy life, and try to focus on the joy that she gave you while she was here.
I teared up as I read your OP.
2 years ago we had to put our dog to sleep. Fudge was 13 years 8 months and was on medication for cancer which we thought was in remission. But the medication (steroid-based) took it’s toll, as the vet said it would eventually, as did his old age. He had a stroke, which the vet said he was unlikely to recover from and was making him feel horribly seasick since it affected his balance centres. The next day Mum, Dad and I took him to the vet, cuddled and held him as he fell asleep for the final time.
It was the worst day of my life so far.
You will get over it, but its something that will stay in your mind for the rest of your life, as I imagine the death of any loved one will.
We now have another dog, Toby, who is of the same breed - English Springer Spaniel. They’re wonderful dogs.
Having a beloved pet euthanized is always difficult decision to faced, purple haze, but sometimes it’s the only thing we can do to make sure our pet’s life is happy right up to the end. As everyone has said, you did the right thing for Pretzel, and you’ll always be able to know how much you loved her and she loved you.
Oh god, now I’m crying…
Just know that you made the kindest, most humane decision. If I’m ever old and sick and dying, I hope someone who cares for me could do the same for me.
Thank you. I wish we could know what happens after we die. Do you just go? Is there any fear?
When she was euthanized I was shocked about how fast it happened. I had my hand under her chest and her heart stopped beating and she slumped over and was gone. I wanted to take it back but I couldn’t. I just stood there in shock. The tech brought me a towel and I held my girl for a long time. It was the worst ever to walk out of that building with just paperwork. And useless X-rays.
Thank you for responding. It means so much to me. My Pretzel was five years old and 15 days. Wednesday we were at the park by the lake and she just ran and ran and sniffed the air and quivered with excitement.
We’re way more humane to our pets than we are to our fellow humans. When there’s little or no chance of recovery, you took the high road and give your pet the dignity that she deserved.
Take the time to grieve. This is a huge loss for you. Our pets become part of our families.
Several years ago, I had to make the same decision for my 14 year old siamese with kidney failure. He was in pain and there wasn’t anything that could have been done. It was the single hardest decision I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. It’s been 10 years and I can still cry as I read your story.
You did not betray her. You set her free from her illness and gave her a good death. You were a loving, responsible dog owner. If you weren’t, the hard choice you made (which I think is the right one) wouldn’t hurt so much. It’s the last, loving thing you can do to your little best friend.
Never doubt that. Sure it hurts, and many of us know how you feel, as you’ve been reading. Mourn your pets, they deserve it. But it’s analagous to losing a spouse, you can learn to love again, although not riight now.
I’m so sorry, it hurts like hell. Come back and keep talking if you need to.
If it’s any consolation, I can virtually guarantee your dog felt no fear. She didn’t know she was about to die. (Dogs most likely don’t have a good grasp of what death means.)
She might have been a bit nervous from being at the vet’s office as most dogs are, but she was probably very comforted by the fact that you were holding her.
I’d bet that she felt warm, and safe, as she fell into a gentle sleep in her “mommy’s” arms.
Really, it’s the best way possible to go-- quietly, gently, painlessly, in the arms of someone who loves you.
Dachshunds are wonderful dogs. Physically they’re little but mentally and spiritually they’re huge. I know exactly why you loved yours and I understand how much she loved you.
Please don’t feel guilty.
Your dear friend was very very ill. Terminally ill. If she could choose between extending her happy life for a few more painful and humiliating days or weeks or leaving this earth a tiny bit sooner in a loving and dignified way, what do you think she’d choose? What would you choose? You did nothing wrong.
Please, feel sad. You should feel sad because you’ve lost your dear friend whom you loved. But don’t feel guilty. You had the strength and courage to act release your friend from pain with mercy and grace. That’s not an easy thing to do. But I’m sure she understands and appreciates what you did.
I know how you feel I had a dog too that died. The surgery was only a few hundred dollars but my family couldn’t pay.
Maybe it’s all for the best because maybe dogs have an afterlife too.
I understand how you feel. I’ve had to have pets put to sleep in the past. Soon to be another, in a few days, I believe. It’s a difficult thing to do, but know that your pet wouldn’t have a good quality of life and you did the very best thing for him/her. Your pet knew that they were loved. I have no doubt in my mind about that. He/she knew you did your best to help. Animals understand MUCH more than we humans EVER give them credit for. All you have to do is talk to them and tell them. I honestly believe that.
One of our cats, Spot, has feline luekemia (no cure) and is getting an experimental drug injection from our vet each week, to help bring him back to his normal weight and energy level. It’s not going well, but even though he’s not in pain, his quality of life has taken a nosedive. He’s not looking any better and he’s not eating much at all. He lost another pound, too. He can’t afford that. So, I believe I’m going to take him back to the vet to be put to sleep…maybe today, maybe tomorrow. I just don’t want to do it too soon, in case the medicaton happens to kick in…
I am so sorry–I know how hard it is, Purple Haze..
You just have to grieve, but know you did the right thing.
I have put two dogs to sleep in my life–one was last year and I still haven’t gotten over it ( he was a mastiff, rather than going quickly, he went to sleep but did not die for the longest time. So much heart, but not the body to go with it. )
I know what you mean about the feeling of betrayal. But he knew, as Pretzel did, that he was loved, and with his human at the end, his head in my lap.
These days my 19 yr old cat, in her 4th year of kidney disease, isn’t looking too good. That little scrap of felinity came into my life before my younger son. You just don’t get over these things right away, if ever. It is heart-wrenching.
Animals may not have the same abstract understanding of death that we do, but I do think they have an awareness of it…and perhaps, in Pretzel’s case, less a sense of fear but more a feeling of going on a new journey. Maybe that sounds corny or like wishful thinking, but sometimes I think animals are a bit more pragmatic and down to earth than humans.
)