My dog's damn weenie

I’m on the couch, working, and my dog is just sitting down the way, looking at me, desperately wanting to come sit on my lap. But he’s just…pointing at me with his red, shiny weenie. It’s been out for about the past 10 minutes.

I’d kick him off, but I’m afraid he’d go find my kids, and my five-year-old daughter’s entranced by that thing. Like, she’ll stop whatever she’s doing and just stare at it, like it’s a trigonometry problem needing to be solved.

I hate dog boners.

It’s the first time I’ve seen a penis compared to math.
Is it the sort of analogy T.S. Eliot used in The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock?

*Let us go, you and I

When the Dog Penis is Spread against the lap

Like a trigonometry problem waiting to be solved.*

If this last more than 4 hours you may need to see your veterenarian.

Well, your DOG will. But I am guessing you’ll have to drive and pay the bill.

PS. The daughter thing might have been a TMI scenario.

Clearly, his lendervedder is very happy.

(Sorry. Couldn’t resist.)

You could threaten to send it to Burger King.