My ears are bleeding - or the Kids Music channel

Cafe Society
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For background, the Moto twins are now seven months old and growing like weeds. When dad is looking after them, we play and read and dance to music and sing.

We generally do this to some of my music, appropriate and fun for them. I’ve exposed them so far to everything from Johnny Cash to Elvis Costello, to Scott Joplin, to light classical, to big band. Everything in my CD collection that I think they’d like, they hear. They seem to like it, too, as far as they pay attention at all.

Mrs. Moto does this too, but she also plays them the kids channel that is part of our digital cable service. I really don’t understand why she does this, since the kids are too young to tell the difference between kids music and other kinds.

She feels that the kids need their own music. This would be easy to agree with is the channel wasn’t hell to listen to. So far, the kids channel is serving only to drive daddy insane.

Sure, there are some gems. Some stuff from the Disney movies and Warner Brothers cartoons are fun, as are some of the traditional songs (though there is a disturbing tendency to make them politically correct.) Most of the playlist, though, can be divided into three categories:

  1. Pop songs sung by off-key children or by TV characters with put-on voices. I really can’t stand this. If a Lennon/McCarthy song is good for kids to listen to, why can’t we just let the Beatles sing it?

  2. Guitar-based songs with juvenile lyrics, usually sung by aging hippies with little talent. Let’s face it, children aren’t great judges of musical talent, and if your dream of becoming the next James Taylor isn’t panning out, you may as well aim towards the younger demographic.

  3. Political indoctrination. Childhood should be a carefree time as much as possible. When the kids go to elementary school, they will be bombarded with idiotic political messages from both sides. They’ll be too young for it then, and they’re surely too young for it now.

And yet, there it is in the music. And whether the opinions are right or wrong, it makes for dreary listening.

Consider these lyrics (artist and title unknown, sorry):

“Kids are people and people have rights,
kids are people and people have rights,
kids are people and people have rights.
Kids must have rights too.”

A less fun song I can’t possible imagine.

And so I come here, to get other kids songs horror stories. More importantly, though, I really need some suggestions for kids music that doesn’t suck.

The first Doper that mentions Raffi will be shot.

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This is going over well.

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nitpick: Lennon/McCartney
As to childrens’ music in general, I must say that I wholly agree with your stand on this issue. I was watching TLC in the morning once, however, and caught a glimpse of one of those music videos they play at that time. Some band was playing a song about Bubble Gum, I think, and the lead singer resembled a sober Kenny Loggins.

What caught my attention, though, was that the band was good. In fact, the rhythm section reminded me of Russ Kunkel and Lee Sklar. They must have been some out-of-work studio musicians in the vein of ‘the next James Taylor’, as you put it, and could find decent work playing community centers for kids. However, videos like this are rare, and a few of the others were slightly less appealing.

I assure you, however, that actually seeing the band play such as I did is somewhat quelling as to the initial aural trauma of hearing such music.

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Oh man, you would just love this CD I saw an ad for a few weeks ago. Dangit, I can’t remember the name, but it was basically a handful of bratty tweens singing current chart-topping by groups like No Doubt. I wanted to box my own ears in! Off to find it so I can give it to all my friends this Xmas.

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We bought a bunch of discs from Smithsonian Folkways. My kids are especially fond of Pete Seeger, Woody Guthrie, and Ella Jenkins, and, if you can believe it Leadbelly. Not terribly preachy, as least not in that new age way. Guthrie’s children’s songs are especially silly and pointless. They really sound like songs a Daddy would sing to his baby on a long afternoon.

We also have a “Broadway Kids” tape that my husband picked up somewhere. They sing some familiar hits and the kids are really talented.

Unfortunately they also love Barney. I do not love Barney.

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All those kids CDs are painful.

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Somewhere out there is a track of “Old MacDonald” as sung by what sounds like Bob Dylan. Beware!

For good kids music, how about The Jungle Book Soundtrack?

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Or The Irish Rovers?

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Another kid-friendly group is The Royal Guardsmen.

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Yeah, that Irish Rovers Greatest Hits is a big hit with my three year old.

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Yeah. Kids Bop. Doesn’t one of the (relatively) bass vocalists have a sort of Barney-ish voice?

Uh, we need that ‘Sickie’ smiley over here…