This is the first thread I have ever read about this subject, or at least recall. Besides the personal attacks flinging back and forth, I believe that this discussion relates to a very poignant part of our society, and every society. First, we see the hypocrisy of a “family values” philosophy that is not practiced in the “real world”. This is actually two-sided however and I think many of the posters will relate to at least part of what I am writing.
Our (American) notion of family values, many times, does not include the necessary provisions for actually taking care of, and spending time with, families. Although two incomes in a two parent family are sometimes voluntary, many times they are necessary. This is not to mention the numerous single parents out there where the choice is just not there. The maternity/paternity leave debate is just another item on a long list of problems.
However, what I find very interesting as well, is the fact that everyone equates family to children. When we mention family values, we always seem to refer to parents and children, we rarely refer to just husband and wife, or husband and husband for that matter.
My husband is my family and I can relate, in part, to what some posters are saying about the burden placed upon non-child bearing/rearing people in our nation. I can’t remember the name of the book, but I read parts of it one day in a Barnes and Noble (not good enough to buy). The book was about how our country actually has a bias towards non-child rearing people. It did not bash parents, it just made some very valid points about how parents are sometimes favored over non-parents. More taxes, more working time etc… for people with no children.
What is more important than the points of that book, is that even if a person accepts responsibility for taking care of the rest of the children in our community, as my husband and I do (we support many school levies, tax breaks, etc…) the society has almost developed an expectation of these sacrifices (including covering for work, getting time off etc…) and a resentment if we do not accept it.
This is what I think many posters are referring to. They are not bashing parents (maybe they are, but I am surely not), nor mothers for that matter (I am especially not doing this). They are frustrated at the expectation in our society that “family first” only relates to people who have children. I’ll never forget how angry my husband was one day when his boss was talking about issues at home, money and such, and then said “well you don’t understand, you don’t have a family”. My husband replied, of course, “my wife is my family and my parents and my friends whom I love and cherish more than some people care for their children”. His views are not atypical for many people who believe having children is the only way to have a family.
So, in conclusion, I think this is a debate that will become more and more poignant as increased numbers of couples, like my husband and I, choose a life without children. There is a growing resentment of the conventional wisdom which asserts that childless couples are not families and that they should bear a higher responsibility than others and bear no ill will at the request for their increased contribution.
That being said, I fully support better benefits packages for new mothers AND fathers, but I also feel that the reduction in pay should be utilized by employers to hire individuals to “cover” for work. In addition, I don’t think that any parent should ever have the expectation that others around them will pick up the slack for them at work or in the community, unless they are willing to do the same thing for the other reasons that their childless co-workers/neighbors deem important.
Just as Billy’s baseball game may be important to you, taking off work early to go feed the ducks with my husband is just as important to me.
Again, I think it’s just a difference in perspective as far as time. You are our future, in the work that you do and the lives that you save and the research that you forward, upon which can be built an even better future (potentially), and so on. I can see your point and agree entirely…but I also say that, because well-raised children are most likely to thrive in many ways, it’s in society’s best interest as a whole to encourage good parenting.