You're the ones who CHOSE to have children

The BBQ Pit
1

So why am I supposed to assume extra burdens because of it? HMMM?

Situation: there are five women in my particular department. All of us are married, the other four have children, I do not. (By my and hubby’s choice – this is not bitterness because I’m bereft of children.)

At least once a week one or another of the mothers has to leave work early for some child-related cause – picking up a sick child, attending a class performance, ferrying a child to a medical appointment, things like that. This week it has happened THREE TIMES.

Miraculously enough, the amount of work doesn’t lessen just because HER little darling is dancing as third buttercup from the left in the recital orHER delinquent son has punched out a class mate leading to emergency consultation with the principal. The work is time critical so the rest of us have to do that of the missing woman’s as well as our own. Generally we don’t get everything done by normal ending time – meaning we have to stay late. Or, rather, I have to stay late. Because all the others, you see, have to pick up children from day care/get children to hockey practices/get starving children let into the house and fed.

Clearly as a non-mother MY time has no value. Since no child is waiting on me, nothing I have planned can be at all important. Your photography class is tonight? You are having friends over and need to get dinner cooking? You have plans to meet hubby in town before that play? Too bad. You don’t have children, therefore you must stay.

Grrrrrr.

Let’s not even get into the fact that I have had to work every single holiday for the last five years, while the others get to be off in rotation. Mommas HAVE to be with their children all day on Christmas and Thanksgiving and so forth, you know. It’s the law I guess. So what if you have a husband, sisters, brothers, parents and so forth you’d occasionally like to be able to share a holiday meal with? Too bad. You didn’t breed so your role is to serve as obligatory relief slave for First Class Citizens, aka parents.
Grrrrr.

2

It sounds like your beef is really with the management of your company, not with the people who have kids. You’re entitled to have holidays off just as much as they are.

I’ve worked places where my personal time was considered less important because I was single as compared to my married coworkers, so I understand. I contend that since I had to to all of the household chores (all the grocery shopping, all the trips to the dry cleaners, all the trips to the drug store, all the trips to the pet food store, etc.), my personal time was actually at more of a premium than someone who was married.

3

Yeah, that’s crap, all right. Unfortunately, it’s all to common crap.

I used to work with a woman who pulled that bullshit all the fucking time. She had to leave an hour early every single day, so that she could pick up her kid at daycare, or sit and watch his T-ball practices. Because, of course, only having Grandma and Mom’s boyfriend at practice every day might make him feel unloved. She also had to leave during the day to pick him up on a regular basis because his head hurt. Never mind that we’re in the middle of a surgery and have appointments coming in in five minutes. Never mind that we have a ward full of animals to be fed, walked, medicated, and cleaned in that last hour, or that there’s still a post-operative animal with tube still in that needs constant watching, or that we still have to clean, do laundry, and check out the cash drawer before the rest of us can go home. Never mind, we’re all honored to be servants of the cult of the child.

I didn’t care that she got first choice of vacation times, even though her kid’s school breaks coincided with times I really wanted to go home and see my family. I didn’t care that I was the only tech left in the building the last hour and a half on Halloween because everyone else was taking their kids trick-or-treating. I wouldn’t have cared about doing the kennels and such by myself once in a while. Every single fucking day, however, was another matter.

4

<tongue-in-cheek>

Because you have chosen not to breed, and therefore are not contributing to society in the following ways:

-NOT doing your share to keep doctors/hospitals in the black (ha!) by having a pregnancy. Think of all the pre-natal appointments for which you will never be charged! And those poor hospitals that will never be able to charge you $25.00 per Tylenol™ whilst ignoring you in your agony.

-NOT doing your share for rampant consumerism. How the hell will society get by if people aren’t buying baby clothes, toys, health insurance, mini-vans, RESP’s, paying for college, etc? What about all the people YOU will be putting out of work through not buying their products? Huh? Huh?

-NOT creating more little consumers/taxpayers for the taxbase. Now, because of your selfish choice not to reproduce, it’s MY children’s tax dollars who will be paying your old age pension. Thanks. :rolleyes:

</tongue-in-cheek>
Actually, your situation sucks hard. Have you tried talking to management? Go to them with a list of the positives which you contribute to their business. Then politely let them know that you can no longer be responsible for continually covering for other absent employees, regardless of their reasons. The situation you describe is grossly unfair. Unfortunately, you may be sort of enabling it if you’re not speaking up.

I’d give it a try, at least. If you don’t get anywhere, and you can’t live with it, then your only option might be alternative employment.

Good luck. :slight_smile:

5

So, who’s telling these women that they can leave? Who’s telling you that you have to stay?

I think you have a legitimate beef, but you’re blaming the wrong parties.

If they’re consistently working only 35 hours a week to your 40 (or whatever), or their working 35 means that you have to work 45, then that is a problem that should be addressed with your management. Possible solutions would include a pay adjustment, or an arrangement where you get compensated for your extra hours with commensurate time off.

6

Holy shit, lady! Have some cheese. It’ll go great with that whine.

It really must have sucked the way your parents missed things that were important to you (or seemed that way, anyway) when you were growing up, because they, like you, realized that work comes before all else in this world. I can only imagine tha pain you felt when mom and dad missed you in the school play when you were 8, because they knew it wasn’t fair to work through their lunch so they can leave an hour early, even with management permission.

You need to stop playing the martyr, stand up for yourself, and take some time for yourself once in a while. So what if you don’t have kids? They aren’t the only excuse to cut out of work early. Suppose you know it’s going to turn out to be a beautiful day? “Come down with something” right after lunch, and go play a round of golf, work in your garden, get an early start of your weekend. Beat the parents to the punch. They’re only working the system, and you’re just pissed that you’re not. They’re using their kids as an excuse to play hookey for a few hours at a time.

If you take off early, they’ll have to make other arrangements. You get to go sit by the pool, while they arrange to get a sitter for little Suzie. Oh well. Not your problem at that point.

I’m sorry, but this line

completely drained any sympathy I may have had for your rant.

Next time a mother has to leave early for something, put up a fuss, bitch to your manager/boss, or just tell the co-worker to get bent. Stop acting like it is a personal affront to you just because you don’t have kids.

7

I am a single parent, but I at least had the foresight to choose a career that was not time-sensitive. If I had to leave early, no one had to do my work for me, I was able to go in on a Saturday or stay late the next day, etc. I have always, ALWAYS felt like if I am in someone’s employ, MY WORK comes first as long as I am on their time. I have also always had adequate arrangements to get him to school, home from school, to his sports practices, etc. without having to make special arramgements with my boss. We have always lived close to his school and he was only allowed to participate in sports if I could arrange rides with another parent (if you will take him to every practice, I will pick yours up from every practice, etc.). I have always had the opnion that since I chose to have this child even though I was single, I was determined not to make anyone else bear my burden for me.

The sad thing is, in my experience anyway, the working mothers that are MOST LIKELY to take advantage of their coworkers and bosses and burden their mothers, neighbors, etc with their obligations, are the ones that are least required to work. They CHOOSE to work, either because they find a new SUV every two years to be more impressive than a used Honda every seven years, or becuase they are trying to get away from the very brats they are cowtowing and catering to.

And the bosses are afraid if they make these women perform their obligations they will be sued for not being “family friendly”, whatever the hell that is.

8

Come on…how long until someone bring in the “you knew what you were getting into when you decided to have kids” chestnut? It’s totally false, by the way…no one know what they’re getting into when they decide to have kids.

Take it up with your bosses and leave the parents alone. You can’t know what it’s like to have to drop everything for a sick kid, just like they can’t know what it’s like to be able to drop everything and go to the pool for the afternoon.

9

Gotta agree. The last place I worked I was one of the few who didn’t have kids, but they gladly let me leave early for vet appointments and such. When my cat Boo died, they let me have time off, when Abby was hurt, they let me take a long lunch every other day to take her in to get her bandages changed. Sure, the parents seemed to take more time off and got to leave early more often, but when I needed time off, they were very accommodating.

10

That’s inconvenient, and seems unfair on the face of it, yes.

But if your husband had a gall bladder attack, or you had to tend to a sick parent, you’d get to leave, wouldn’t you?

The fact that you haven’t had your own family emergencies is fortunate for you. But the day may come when you DO have to leave early, or take a personal day or something.

11

I’m looking at it from the other side of the fence. My boss has said (paraphrasing), “Go home; you’re married, and your co-worker is single.” It makes me feel awkward, because, well, getting married doesn’t give me carte blanche to do whatever I want.

At the same time, I’ve put in a lot of extra time at work, so it all balances out. It sounds like the management isn’t taking that into account.

12

It’s a buzz word, just like “politically correct”, and also an oxymoron. It’s just another example of one whiney group taking advantage of “the system”.

13

Dave, that’s true enough, but a lot of the time we’re not talking emergency status here. We’re talking about people who refuse to miss even a single game the whole season, creating extra work for the rest every single week. We’re talking about a situation where everyone else gets holidays off, but not you. Where everyone else gets to go home on time (or early), but not you.

Do you really think that if SBS had a medical emergency the parents in her office would have to stay late to get things done? Maybe so, but in my experience that’s just not the case. It’s far more likely that she’d have to come in early the next day to get everything done.

14

Quit covering for them. Go home when you’re supposed to. If crap hits the fan and someone wants to know why the work didn’t get done, tell them.

15

I support your rant 100%, StarvingButStrong. And thanks for bringing up a growing inequality being caused by the cult of the child mentality we are all living with. From this kind of bullshit going on every day at work to reserving special parking spots for people with children, I am getting the message loud and clear that I am a second-class citizen, behind all the people who managed to do something that is completely, entirely, 100% un-special. Yes, you read that right - having a child does not make you special. Your children are not special. Having a child/being a child is one of the most un-special things you can do - it has been done billions of billions of times before.

I am also getting tired of the martyr complex I hear from so many people with children. Somehow they manage to convey the impression that they are the busiest, hardest-working people in the world, and I’m somehow lucky that I don’t have to do all the stuff that they have to do. Uh, luck wasn’t a factor; deciding not to have kids and taking appropriate birth control, THOSE were the deciding factors. You have your life, and I have mine. I don’t have all the benefits of having kids that you have, and you don’t have all the benefits of NOT having kids that I have. Get the hell over it.

Whew, glad I could finally get that off my chest. I know that criticizing parents/parenting is one of the sacred cows here on the Dope, but this is how I feel.

16

As a parent I can tell you that your situation is unfair. But it’s management that’s making it unfair, not your cow-orkers with kids. You shouldn’t always have to work to make up for others, whoever those others might be.

That said, all childless people are in effect dependents of those of us who have children. Because what do you suppose would happen if everyone behaved as you do and elected not to have children, about 30-40 years down the road. Un-hunh. Thought so. Next generation has to come from somewhere, doesn’t it?

17

So there aren’t any young people anymore; we’ll just import some. I understand there’s quite a surplus in most Third World countries, so they ought to be pretty cheap. Perhaps we could even stockpile them in silos in case of a shortage.

Yes, my tongue is firmly in my cheek, but I’m also serious. Show me how having a next generation is an inherently good thing.

18

Casey1505: So what? Now you’re telling her that she has to lie to get some time off? Or she’s supposed to act like a bitch to all the mothers who leave early and/or her boss? Oh yeah, that’ll make the working environment really friendly.

19

It’s the fault of the people who run the business. You feel like there’s inequity? Instead of bitching that parents get the perks, wah, poor you, complain to your fucking bosses.

Maybe it’s time for me to bitch about how nightclubs aren’t child-friendly. :rolleyes: It’s not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

20

Thanks for the replies so far.

I think the majority opinion is right: even though it is the parents cutting out that is causing the immediate problem, it’s really the management that is letting it happen, or at least failing to fix it in some way other than dumping the extra work on me. And you’re right, I have been serving as an enabler. It’s not like they’ve locked the door or held a gun to my head.

As far as getting comp time off, that’s to laugh. They’ve been cutting the staff at this job, over and over – basically, our department has gone from 8 people years ago to the current five, with no matching reduction in how much work needs to be done. Which is no doubt a major aggravating factor behind my getting ‘stuck’ doing so much unwanted overtime. Right now everything gets done ONLY when all of us are putting in full time – there’s no slack. If we had a couple more people, the work from those lost hours would be spread over more people, and likely staying late wouldn’t be needed.

But the chances of getting more people hired…zero.

And, momentarily tempting though the idea is, ‘working the system’ myself isn’t the answer. I was brought up with a really puritan work ethic: if I’ve agreed to work certain hours, then I do. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy any time playing hooky.

So… I think I’m going to stop ‘enabling.’ When my assigned hours are over, I’m leaving. Well, UNLESS it was a genuine emergency, not just some ‘planned to leave early for some reason’ thing.

This is going to create major problems for all of us, and the company overall, as complications arise from undone tasks, and hell will be to pay. I also suspect I’ll be the major target for blame, since I’ll be the one refusing to prevent the problems from happening for ‘no good reason.’ Lack of team spirit, or something like that, they’ll call it. So much for any future at this place.

Guess I’ll start looking for a new job. I’ll hate it, since I really like this job for many aspects, but feeling taken advantage of continually is sucky.

Hey, there’s a good thing about my situation: I’ve got less financial pressure over me than if we had a brood to keep fed, etc.