My experience at an Obama rally

I showed up an hour early for this rally on a high school football field here in Las Vegas. Showgirls strolled casually, serving comp drinks and taking Keno numbers. Costumed Cirque performers leaped and cartwheeled around the field, amusing the crowd. Booths were set up to pass out campaign literature, sign petitions, and to sell buttons and t-shirts and drugs. It was like a bizarre open-air market in some druglord’s country, with sellers desperately outshouting each other, offering women’s rights, environmental protections, cheaper coke, better hash and cleaner hookers.

I could see people moving thru the stadium seats passing out free hits of mescaline. I got mine and tried to relax before Obama spoke, but the crush of thousands of people, coupled with my inability to find a showgirl with a drink, made me a little tense. I asked the nun sitting next to me if she had anything to calm me down and luckily she had plenty of Xanax. I wolfed down a few and kept moving, knowing that it’s not smart to stay too close to a nun, even one with loads of prescription meds.

I got lost in the crowd, but the chanting drew me back somehow and I was “there” in time to see Obama come strutting out, dressed in some kind of white and purple Prince outfit, as explosions rocked the stage and George Clinton and P-Funk (live!) blared Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker). Everyone cheered! The crowd went crazy! Women screamed, men cheered, and hippies stank like patchouli.

And then Obama spoke. Maybe it was the drugs, or the booze, or maybe it was just a really good P.A., but Obama’s voice chilled the crowd, even me, and we all quieted down to hear what he had to say. And then he told us that he believes in America, that he loves his country, and that he wants to help people achieve the American Dream which he defines (like most people) as wanting to be zombie-free, and to live in a zombie-free place with other people who are not zombies. John McCain, he says, want to let the zombies in! Good lord! That would be a catastrophe! Obama also promised to lower the price of gas, rid the world of disease, and to help the nation find some really good shoes.

After several hours of wandering around the football field, now crowded with people glowing with the hype of presidential politics and gleefully wanting to kill zombies, I finally found my way to the streets and made my way home.

I haven’t been to a McCain rally yet, but it’s gonna be hard for him to top an Obama '08 rally.

That sounds a lot like the McCain rally I went to, but with more drug-addicted nuns and fewer anal probes.

Tomorrow’s headline on Drudge:


Wait. . . did this happen for real or is this the fictionalized version for those playing one on TV?

I can confirm that I experienced fewer anal probes than if I had gone to a McCain rally. My sources tell me that there were no anal probes performed at the Obama rally, except between consenting adults. Ok, and that one guy from Pahrump keeps going on about aliens, but I don’t think that happened at the rally.

I went to an Obama rally and got impregnated by the power of his voice. That, or the gay, black, American-hating man I had sex with. He also might have been Arab. Now they’ve got me scheduled for an abortion, but not for another seven months, because it’s funner when it’s last trimester.

I can’t wait. Whee! By then all the doctors will be gay married and the operating room with be fabulous! I just hope all the white Christians have already been ethnically cleansed from their nice homes by then so I can move right in.

Dammit, the one Obama rally I’ve been to was in 2007. All mind altering substances had to be brought in personally, not handed out by nuns in showgirl outfits. So, were the giant hairy bats a positive or negative effect on the campaign?

The bats are not in Vegas, they are along the road on the way to Vegas. And no, it doesn’t matter where you are driving from, ALL the roads to Vegas are lined with giant hairy bats. It’s just another reason that people are so glad to get here.

Theres bat’s. Bat’s everywhere. CAN YOU HEAR ME??? Mongrels!

I think Obama was at the rally I attended earlier this fall, but I’m not sure. I was a little distracted by all the flag-burning, Constitution-asswiping, Koran-reading and late-term abortions going on around me.

Don’t forget all the campaign workers dressed up as Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.

Well, it is bat country, after all.

Jon Stewart on the Daily Show had the perfect description the passion of Obama’s rally at the Dem. convention
After Obama spoke, fireworks went off, and Stewart said “the stadium ejaculated”.

Sure you post all this in jest, but some rightwing(nut)er is posting links to this thread as we speak to every email user in Ohio, Penn and Florida. Careful, I sadly know people dumb enough to believe this.

Actually sadly I do know a few dumb enough to believe it as they would want to believe it.