By “snake” you mean…snake? Not his snake, right?
Yep, an actual 6’ boa constrictor. No, he didn’t shoot himself in the genitalia–although one of his coworkers (a cop) did shoot a bottle of shampoo in the bathroom while taking a piss. As I heard it, the man explained that he thought the gun was unloaded and decided to dry-fire. Guess it’s not really dry-firing if you end up with urine all over the floor and shampoo everywhere, now is it?
Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled thread.
Well, just be grateful the co-worker didn’t shoot the aerosol can of hairspray instead.
We need a “fireball” smiley.
My family make the Adams family look normal.
My Dad’s on his fourth marriage, my Mum’s on her fourth non-marriage - this time she’s just living with the guy, but they’ve been together for ten years so I count it as a marriage. I once asked my Dad how many brothers and sisters I have, including step-sisters, adopted sisters, etc, and it took a while to work it out, but it came out as 22. I haven’t met them all, and only count 11 as ‘real’ to me.
One of my sisters is also my neice and my aunt. She was from my Dad’s second marriage, the child of one of his stepdaughters. Because the stepdaughter was only 14 when she gave birth my Dad and his then wife adopted my sister. Many years later this sister married one of my Aunt’s ex-husbands. Thus she crosses all three generations. And her current husband is fifty-five years older than her.
One of my brothers is a multi-millionaire but never stands his round at the pub; one is a Jehovah’s Witness and is just generally really weird (he made a pass at me once), one brother served time for murder, one sister served time for stalking her teacher.
My Dad and several of my siblings spontaneously converted to Catholicism and got quite fanatical about it. They have prayer meetings several times a week and attempt to take on every possible duty at the church. Nothing weird about religion per se, but their depth of fanaticism is quite alienating for other people. Especially me. But it makes them happy.
Then there’s Uncle Jayanatha, the Buddhist monk (who is actually a pretty cool guy, my favourite uncle). My Jewish step-Grandmother (my Grandad’s second wife) has Alzheimer’s but was weird long before diagnosis. The only religion not represented in my family is Islam, but give us time. We also have pretty much every race on the planet - family gatherings look like a meeting of the UN. This aspect of my Yahoo family I actually find pretty cool.
One of the more freakish family members was Aunt Reg (Regina) who married not one, but two (male) Reg’s (she also married an Alan who later married my sister, explained above). Aunt Reg used to live with my Nan, and was very ill - cancer, I think. Every time I visited as a young child Aunt Reg would have lost another limb. She started out with one leg cut off to the knee, then halfway up the thigh, then the next leg, then onto the arms. Eventually she was reduced to holding her cigarette in the stump of her right arm.
What’s scariest is that we are an extremely fertile family. All of my grown-up siblings have kids, and one brother has six kids, one sister has eleven, while one has seven and walked out on the family, leaving them with her husband. She’s currently trying for more babies with whichever partner she’s with now.
You might have noticed a trend toward multiple-marriages: this goes way back, in fact my Great-Grandparents were among the earliest people in the country to be legally divorced. What a proud tradition! My Dad got his current wife through a buy-a-bride thing; she is very nice, and they are very happy, bound to last.
There are only two interesting deaths in my family that I can think of. My Grandmother was murdered ‘by person or persons unknown’, and died on the same day as Elvis. Because of this we got put up the waiting list for the crypt at All Hallows by the Tower, at the Tower of London. So we now have a family crypt there, and that’s where I’ll go eventually, which is kinda cool, though with tragic cause. And my Dad’s Dad had a heart-attack when his TV blew up.
My family don’t know I’m gay, and I guarantee that when they eventually find out most of them will disown me. Question is, would that be a bad thing?
(I swear I’m not making ANY of this up).
Queen Al, I think you win.
Queen Al, I think you win.
My dad once took a shotgun to a rat he found swimming in the toilet. His fear of rats is legendary. My mom keeps a realistic rubber rat in the kitchen junk drawer and used to scare him with it every so often. When we got a cat, she let him take over the scaring-dad-with-rats duty.
On my husband’s side of the family (pretty Yahoo-y all around; don’t get me started), there is a family that used to have six children. One son was killed in a car accident right after he graduated from high school. His mother had his senior picture blown up fairly big (whatever comes after 8 x 10, I guess. It’s pretty big). It’s framed in a rather wide, garish, ornate gold-leaf frame.
Whenever they have a family picture taken, either a formal Olan Mill-type portrait or just a casual snapshot, Mom has to bring along the dead son’s huge senior picture and hold it for the “family” picture. He’s been dead for over 20 years now. Creepy. Especially opening a Christmas card and seeing the happy family…Mom & Dad, the siblings and their spouses, and the grandkids, and Mom holding the dead son’s photo right in the middle. :eek:
QueenAl: Holy fookin’ shit. I damn near had to draw a family tree to understand that post. Whhhhoa.
Lots of random bathroom shootings going on!
Okay - here’s one more form my family. My father had an uncle named Lester. He was mentally retarded. They found him dead in the street where he’d been hit by a car - which, apparently, after striking him, backed back over him and stole his wallet.
Tibs.
Tibhow does your mother cope? Heck, I might be in Boulder with China Wife and China bambina for the 4th of July. The Boulder side of my family is almost too normal – not even a vegetarian in the bunch.
QueenAl forgive me, but that was one of the funniest posts I’ve ever seen.
There are a long line of nutbags in every family. I started to write about mine, but there is no way that someone in the know could possibly not recognize who I am.
My in-laws side range from an ex-reform through labor “laogai” camp inmate who is now a successful businessman, cultural revolution teenagers sent to the Burmese border who stayed, professional mah jong players, layabouts, Hong Kong mistress, old communist revolutionaries, closet christians and more that I haven’t met even after living in their hometown of Shanghai for 4 years. This is without getting into the cousins and the extended family out in the countryside.