Once again my silly, silly family’s actions become a thread in the pit. You may or may not remember the thread about my mother learning her half brother in fact did NOT die in the Vietnam war but lived a rather full life in show business. She never met the man (who was just a few years older) and spent the last 30 years thinking he was dead. This lie came from her mother who to this day stands behind the story.
Tonight I get a call from my mother that her younger sister died of a massive heart attack last night. This should be a time of closure for her, but that would make too much sense for that side of the family.
How about a little history first?
There are three daughters. My mother and my two aunts, Aunt M and Aunt D. My mother is the oldest and Aunt D is the youngest.
About 25 years ago my grandmother and all the daughters got together to figure out how grandmother would write up her will. She wanted to know how to split the land, the belongings, etc. I thought it was kind of cool. Find out what things were most important to each daughter. They split the land into three pieces -the house, the woods and the pastures. Everyone was happy.
A few years later Aunt M met a rich man and they got married. They bought a big house with lots of property, started a business, and she spent the next year flaunting her riches. After a year or so the business fell flat and they lost the house. They were dead broke. They somehow convinced grandmother she needed “taking care of” so they kicked her out of the house into the garage which was converted to a makeshift home. Aunt M took over the house. For the record, even today at 80-something, Grandmother is doing just fine. She’s wacky, but fairly healthy and active.
After several years Grandma was convinced Aunt M was the only one in the family that cared about her and changed the will to give her everything. I think it goes without saying this caused a rift between the family. The other sisters felt a little shafted they wouldn’t be left any of the land they grew up on.
Fast forward 20 years later and most wounds had healed. There was still some minor grumbles about the land but it was mostly shrugged off as “what can ya do about it?” Aunt M and her husband still live in the house, Grandma is in the converted garage.
About a week ago Aunt M has “an episode” and ends up in the hospital. I’m told tonight by a cousin Aunt M has had several of these “episodes” in the past but no one really talked about them. As it turns out “episode” is a code word for heart attack. Aunt M stays in the hospital because of her “episode” for a handful of days until she has one final “episode” which kills her.
Word gets around and my mother and Aunt D (who does not live in country) make the trek to the family house to comfort their mother, each other, and Aunt M’s family. A death in the family is a time of reflection and closure. But NOOOOOOOO! That wouldn’t be dysfunctional enough.
As it turns out Aunt M had not made out a will or put anything in writing on what to do with her body when she dies. Of course Grandmother and Aunt M’s husband have two different solutions to the same problem. Uncle M (for the lack of something better to call him) has acknowledged Aunt M did not wish to have a service yet he wants to have a wake. She’s to be buried in his family plot so when he dies he can be buried next to her. Grandmother says “oh no, that’s not what she wanted at all”. It seems grandmother thinks Aunt M wants to be cremated and her ashes scattered in, oddly enough, the same place grandmother wants HER ashes scattered when she dies. She wants a memorial service at the house. The two can not discuss this like to humans they have to get into a very heated debate ALL NIGHT in front of the two other sisters and Aunt M’s two (out of three) children; as well as a few of their children. I guess heated debate is a kind way to say they fought like cats and dogs. I understand it was not a fun scene.
Knowing my grandmother I know how this is going to end up. Uncle M will end up not being allowed to stay in the house if grandmother doesn’t get her way - there is already grumblings about this spreading through the family. It is my understanding the house and property are still under my grandmother’s name. Knowing this side of the family, this whole affair is going to get ugly fast and people will hold grudges for 20+ years. If my grandmother could lie to my mother about her half brothers death, she very easily will ruin another mans life over the handling of a dead daughter/wife’s remains. Hell, the old bat still has a grudge against me because I was born the day they put her husband, my grandfather, in the ground. Thus the reason I never received a birthday card growing up. All the other grandkids did however.
One thing to think about is Uncle M has lived and made improvements on this house and property for 20 years. He’s not going to leave without a fight.
All my mother really had to say over the phone to me tonight was “I wish I wasn’t here”. I thought my cousin was going to start crying when she heard how this was being handled. I think she knows this is going to get ugly as well.
What the fuck is wrong with these people. The loss of a loved one is hard but why fight?
Fucking stupid fuckers.
And they wonder why I avoid the lot of them.
