Where there's a will . . . there's a relative (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

“Mrs. C.” died on January 24 2008. She died as she wished, at the age of nearly 93, in her own home, with her daughter and her cats by her side – lucid and quick-witted to the end. She was predeceased by one daughter and survived by a daughter, five grandchildren and toonumeroustomention great-grandchildren and one great-great grandchild. She was the daughter of Scottish immigrants and was as tough and practical as only a Scot can be. She did not believe in frills, furbelows or public displays of emotion. She did believe in good manners, respect and a nice glass of wine at dinnertime.

WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE DO TO GET THE GRANDCHILDREN SHE GOT!!!

After the necessary arrangements were made, the task of contacting the relatives began. Two of the granddaughters live right around the corner and were contacted first. Within ½ an hour, these two plus their other sister (hereafter known collectively as “The Vultures”), were at the house. The first words, before coats were off, were, “Did Granny leave a will?” and “I want the grandfather clock.”

Later that morning, surviving daughter, The Vultures, and my husband (who went along at the request of surviving daughter to act as advocate for Mrs. C and ringmaster to deter The Vultures) went to the funeral home to discuss arrangements. Mrs. C wished for a closed coffin and cremation – no fuss, no frills and no open coffin. Surviving daughter acceded to the loudly-wailed request from The Vultures for an open coffin at a private family viewing, so they could “say goodbye to Granny one last time”. This from people who lived around the corner and never came to see her when she was alive, except to ask for money. The Vultures also wished to put numerous items in the coffin “for Granny to take with her”. This was not agreed to and it was firmly stated, written down and signed that the coffin would be closed and sealed, not to be re-opened except with the WRITTEN PERMISSION of surviving daughter. The family viewing was held, breasts were beaten and ashes poured on heads by The Vultures and then the coffin was closed and sealed.

The public visitation was held the next day and between the two sessions (afternoon and evening), Vulture #1 telephoned surviving daughter and again requested/demanded that Granny be accompanied into the afterlife by lottery tickets, Harlequin romances, and other bits of assorted crap. She was firmly told “NO. If you want to do that kind of thing, you can put them on a memorial table at the funeral home.”

Cut to the crematorium the following day – Mrs. C was accompanied to the crematorium by surviving daughter, the priest and one of The Vultures. After arriving at the crematorium, surviving daughter was advised that the coffin had to be opened once more in order for her to identify the dearly departed as the correct dearly departed. At this juncture, the Vulture developed a case of “I can’t see this” and scuttled off. When the coffin was opened and surviving daughter looked in, she could not see her mother for lottery tickets, crossword books, wilted gas station flowers, a bottle of cheap wine (not even Mrs. C’s favourite) and other assorted bits of tat, crap and junk. She went ballistic and I have no doubt whatsoever that had Vulture #1 been still in the room she would have been dismembered by hand.

The funeral director hastily removed the crap and the formalities were completed, although surviving daughter was completely unable to deal with the situation further.

Upon close questioning and investigation, it turned out that between the two sessions of public visitation, one of The Vultures had passed herself off as surviving daughter and persuaded a junior funeral home employee to re-open the coffin and allow them a “little private time” with Granny, at which time crap was added. I guess they figured that surviving daughter would never know.

At the funeral, surviving daughter would not even sit with The Vultures and, at the post-funeral reception she was visited with the final insult: “I guess that you will have to sell the house and move out now that Granny is dead.”

To call this lot “Vultures” is an insult to a noble bird, which at least performs a service. I am beyond speech.

2

Correct me please if I am wrong, but did the fine woman leave everything to her daughter?

I truly hope daughter gives NOTHING to these scum-sucking leeches. It boggles the mind the sheer nerve and greed of some people. This was her mother and so show such disrespect, well, your husband would need to pry my hands off of a couple of throats…

3

I wasn’t too clear when I was writing this - I’m still writing through a red haze.

The Vultures are the children of the deceased daughter and are, to quote the late Mrs. C, “no better than they ought to be”. Their mother’s home was picked clean within 24 hours of her death. We ensured that there was a security guard hired to look after Mrs. C’s home until the details of her estate are finalized. Surviving daughter does not yet know the contents of her mother’s will because Mrs. C wisely left it in the hands of her lawyer. She knew what this lot was like.

Actually, I hope she left them something - like maybe a dollar?

4

I very much dread the passing of my parents, first (obviously) because I will miss them dearly, and second because we have our own vultures on both sides of the family. I have told my parents that I am sorely tempted to send flowers and stay away from their funerals. I have a young daughter and I do not wish to end either dead or in jail after something like you describe happens.

Sometimes I wish my parents picked up some vices and drink and snort all their money before dying, the rest of their possessions they can set ablaze. That would make my life incredibly easy and their last days fun.

5

My parents have been trying to get me and my siblings to declare what things we want from their house once they pass on.

Every time I try to think about it, it depresses the fuck out of me. Then I feel like a goddamn vulture myself. :frowning:

6

I hope they have to return the items.

It’s amazing how a death in the family brings out the best in people.

7

In coin form, to be thrown very hard by the lawyer at the vulture’s head. :smiley:

8

I can’t say any more than this for legal reasons, but I’m going through a very similar thing right now. People are motherfucking unbelievable and you never truly know someone until there’s a death.

9

Luckily my Mom doesn’t really have anything but her house. And there is 7 of us kids. We have already “picked out our mementos”, and we are all close enough or maybe we are just human enough that we won’t be fighting about the rather minor amount that will be left to each of us when Mom goes.

I just don’t understand people, fighting over stuff and a few thousand bucks. My dignity is worth more then that. To say nothing of the respect for the memory of the person that is gone.

I hope “The Vultures” get something like $5,000.00 each, with a stipulation that they have to to wear a sandwich board that reads “I am a disrespectful Vulture that picked the bones of my Grandmother for money” and parade down mainstreet daily for a year. They would probably do it.

10

Egads.

I agree. You’ve maligned the noble vulture by comparing these parasites, these human botflies, with that bird.

I sincerely hope that the surviving daughter will have the fortitude, with the support of her closer family, to resist the rest of the crap these “vultures” attempt.

Mr. Miskatonic, about picking things out while your parents are alive - it’s not pleasant, but it’s one of the more effective ways to short circuit later battles over who gets what. It wouldn’t stop people like those the OP describes, but it can prevent more normal siblings from fighting over things in the wake of a death.

11

What relation are you to Mrs. C?

It seems like the Surviving Daughter has the sense to whip the Vultures back into their corner. And it sounds like you have her back.

12

My Mom bugged me about this too. She finally made me realize it wasn’t a bad or a morbid thing when she told me that she wanted me to have something from my childhood that brought me fond memories, so that every time I looked at it, or used it, I would remember the love.

So I was the last of my 7 siblings to lay claim to my memento. My mom has put our names on the stuff and also other stuff she wants to give to grandkids and friends etc. Yeah it kinda morbid, but if you think about it, it’s actually smart. Just listen to some of the horror stories out there. I refuse to be part of that. My mother’s memory deserves better then arguing over some stupid silverware.

Your parents are just trying to get their affairs in order. Just like I assume they have done a will, they want to do an asset list. Humor them and help them out. You will appreciate it when the time comes, honest.

13

Two questions:

  1. Did Granny even like lottery tickets, crossword books, romance novels, etc.?

  2. Were the lottery tickets new or had the Vultures scrtached them off looking for winners?

14

Surviving Daughter and I have been friends since childhood and my husband is a lay minister at the church we all attend and yes, we have her back. I am very glad that Mrs. C had a lawyer handle the legal matters, as it protects Surviving Daughter from recriminations by The Vultures. “No, I’m sorry but I had/have no idea what Granny put in her will. It was her business, not mine.”

Ivylass , I like the idea of the sandwich board and will pass along the suggestion!

15

I’m so sorry to hear about this, especially at such a stressful time.

My Mum and Dad were about the only relatives who ever visited my great-aunt. So the aunt asked my Dad to be her executor. There was no money or property, just some practically worthless jewellery and photos etc.

Nevertheless relatives descended on the estate and pestered my Dad saying 'She’d have wanted me to have it!"
Strange that they could know that, since they never kept in touch. :eek:

Fortunately my parents, my sister and I were all close throughout, so when our parents died, we already knew what they wanted us to have (valuable stuff like the piano and cash was in the will - the rest was pleasantly divided as memories.)

16

How is Ciaran Hilda taking it? I’ve got some particularly vivid mental images.

FYI, Das Glasperlenspiel, your daughter and I were discussing earlier today what things we’re going to toss into your casket when your time (perish the thought!) comes. You’ll be happy to note that we’ve picked some particularly fine and tacky items for you. :wink:

As my ol’ mum used to say: Illegitimus non carborundum.

ETA: Big hug, lady.

17

My understanding has always been that if the will says X gets such and such object thats the end of the story. In Virginia, you can do a personal property list that determines who gets what keepsakes.

There is nothing like a death in the family to bring out the worst in a lot of people.

18

Ciaran Hilda thought very seriously of employing some of the skills acquired in a previous career to deal with the problem on a permanent basis. Think Br. Cadfael :smiley: .

Aguecheek, don’t forget a singing Billy Bass, the remains of a t-shirt your sister particularly loved to see on me, and a trashy romance novel.

Funnily enough, The Vultures in question are all “illegitimi”.

19

Is there a moble home anywhere in this saga?

20

Intellectually I know you are completely, utterly correct about this.

On other levels it just…hard.