"The hippopotamus, for instance, is said to mark jungle trails by excreting a lethal mixture of urine and feces while twirling its tail like a propeller. This may explain the historically sluggish market for pet hippopotamuses. "
I was in today’s question!
mine is—
]
“Teeming millions.”
An old column recently figured on the front page made me chuckle:
If chimpanzee gang members wore T-shirts, I bet this would be a slogan you would see on it.
“I have, needless to say, rejected this solution as grotesquely inadequate.”
“Just for fun, however - after you’ve been doing this job for a while you get a pretty bizarre notion of what constitutes a good time…”
From the “one billion airborne Chinamen” question.
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_046.html
“The children [allegedy raised by wolves] were unkempt, were incapable of speech apart from some inarticulate howling, and in general exhibited animal-like behavior. Typical teenagers, you may think. But no…”
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_236.html
“People often ask me my secret. I tell them it’s that I still remember how to open a dictionary.”
From the classics.
My favorite Classic :
Dear Cecil:
How come people always say “Jesus H. Christ”? Why not Jesus Q. Christ or Jesus R. Christ or something else? Does the H really stand for something? My future peace of mind depends on your answer. --W.B.T., Chicago
Dear W.:
The H stands for Harold, as in, “Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name” (snort).
From the "Why do people tap cigarettes series in “The Straight Dope Tells All”
In the column that dealt with whether Europe was a separate continent from Asia, The Master refered to Europe as “the western appendage of the Eurasian landmass, which sounds an awful lot like describing Yul Brenner’s whazoo.”
That has to be my favorite.
My favorite question, bar none, and without a doubt, has been -
"Dear Cecil:
Did the Corinthians write back?"
Now that’s clever.
Another one of theOld Ones ™
"Various theories have been advanced regarding the purpose of pubic hair. For example, I have a Smithsonian monograph here–nothing like a little light reading in the john, you know–that presents the novel thesis that pubic and axillary (armpit) hair gives babies something to grab onto. My baby does this, it is true, but then she is 29 years old. "
I always liked the question about the Corinthians, too.
Upon explaining the “Lady Marmalade lyrics”:
"Giuchie giuchie ya ya da da (da da da) / Giuchie giuchie ya ya here, oh yeah (here ohooo yea yeah) / Mocca choca lata ya ya. It’s Iroquois. “By the shores of Gitche Gumee / By the shining Big-Sea-Water,” etc. Lady Marmalade is taking time out from a flop in the sack to express solidarity with Native Americans. "
Caught me off guard and nearly made me spray coffee on my screen…
I was always fond of this one:
Funny, surprising, AND it slams Baltimore!
What more could a Virginian from the DC area want?
Dear Cecil:
Do all mammals have tongues? --Cathy B., Baltimore
Yes.
–CECIL ADAMS
That’s my favorite one too. Been so for almost one whole year.
That’s one of my favorites. It was funnier before they started Thinking Of The Children and changed the word “fuck,” though.
Ukulele Ike posted a while back, aghast that one of his favorite columns had been bowdlerized, and the last line changed (or expunged, I can’t remember) to remove the word “asshole.” I see that it has been returned to glory. Huzzah!
Because you can’t park a Cadilliac in a closet, Clyde.
Laughed so hard it hurt.