My friend Chelsea died in a car crash this weekend. She was 17. I just found out today, because she lives back in Jimtown and I’ve moved to Muncie to go to school.
So I’m coming to terms with this. It shook me up when I realized I might as well take her SN off my buddy list, and when I looked up her web page and saw all the present tenses I thought I’d scream.
But there’s one thing bothering me. The funeral is Wednesday, and they’re going to bury her in Jimtown.
She HATED that town. She hated Indiana, pretty much, but especially Jimtown. Her goal in life was to get out. And she’s not going to get it. Goddamnit.
She always understood what that place was. It was the home of ignorance and stupidity and evil, and everyone who lived there couldn’t see it, because it was a part of them and they were a part of it.
Occaisonally, they noticed little things that were off. Casually bigoted attitudes. The lauding of outright stupidity. But Chelsea was the only other person I met that knew that that place was poison.
And they’re going to bury her there.
She was the one who always encouraged me. She said “John, you’re smart, you can get out of this place. You can go anywhere and do anything.” And she was right. I’m in Muncie now, next week I’ll be in China.
But she didn’t get out in time. And now she never can.
John, I am so sorry for your loss. But only her body is stuck there. I’m not talking about floating around with a harp, I’m talking about freedom. She’s made it out, John.
Here’s what you can do: wake up each morning aware of how fragile life is. Go to bed every night thankful for that day. Here is what you can’t do: let her death keep you from enjoying your life.
Im so sorry for your loss John. I have a feeling that Chelsea achieved her goal and altho her body will be buried in Jimtown, her soul has left there. Take Care, my thoughts are with you.
Are you going to go to the funeral? If so, maybe you could take some of the flowers and take them with you to China. (Or if you are not going, maybe someone could get some for you.)
It may seem silly and stupid but at least, you could symbolically take her to China with you and she could “see” other places with you. If you think this is dumb, I’m sorry. She will be with you in spirit when you go anyway, I just thought maybe having the flowers with you might help.
I am so sorry for your loss John, your words were very moving.
I echo the others voices when I point out that she can no longer be imprisoned anywhere, no matter where they bury her.
I agree that you should find a way to take some of her with you to China, a garment of clothing, a hairpin, a favorite book, whatever. Take it all and toss it into the South China Sea, say a prayer.
But mostly you owe your friend to exercise the freedom she never got to experience. Go. Go far. Go often. Go for her as well as for you.
I’m sure we’d all like to hear a little more about this remarkable woman who made such a difference in your life. Could you bring yourself to share a short story about her, so we could know her a little better? If not, of course, we’ll understand. But, personally, I’d love to know more, if you feel like sharing.
Thanks for your kind words here guys. This is the first time I ever posted a sympathy thread… even when my aunt died I didn’t say much on the boards.
I am (and was going to before, but thanks for confirming that it was a good idea) going to take a symbol of her with me and leave it in China.
Most of the last 2 days was trying to put my friend Shawn back together again. He’s 17, but somehow he’s never lost anyone close to him before. Ever. He and Chelsea were best friends and he was shattered by this.
My teachers are great and I don’t have to make up the finals I missed until Friday, which gives me tomorrow to lie very still and not leave the third floor.
I am so sorry for your loss, I cant begin to say I know how you feel as I havent… but I do have the fear, knowing one day I will know. None of us can escape that. I have faith however that your friend is free’er then anyone could even begin to imagine.
