(Congratulations.) But had you waited 6 months or a year, you’d still probably be together, right?
BurntToast’s friend may be marrying someone who is an ex-con, a drug addict, a puppy kicker, or even up to her eyeballs in debt and looking for some schlump to take advantage of. Or she could be a perfectly lovely women. We just don’t know. More critically, neither does he. He can’t possibly know all there is to know about someone in a week or two.
Hell, yes, he should wait. As it is, though, he may not have much influence over his friend. Thumping does strange things to people’s judgment.
When we are in love, everything is perfect and wonderful and we cannot imagine it anything but. When you are not the one in love, it is either amusing or painful to watch.
He is entitled to make this decision. No amount of talking to him will make him change his mind. All you can really do is say, " I wouldn’t move so fast. If it is meant to be, wait another six months…" and pound it into his head about a pre-nupt.
Even offer to pay for the prenupt as their wedding present. I’m serious. As protection for both of them from God-Knows-What happens down the road. They couldn’t cost that much, this is not my area of speciality. If that freaks her out it might send up warning flares in his mind.
She may be a right fine girl, or deep down inside she is just getting back at her last boyfriend, and probably doesn’t realize it yet. Or they could be perfect for each other. It is not your mistake to make. It is their trainwreck that you are standing on the sidelines watching them load up and prepare to go super sonic down what you can only guess is greased rails over a broken overpass.
You don’t want to see your friend hurt and that is completely natural. You cannot sheild him from what may be his own lack of better judgement. Everyone wants to have someone love them and be in love. It is our nature.
Eveyrone marries for the big doe-eyed love. They divorce ( it always seems) trying to rip each other an new asshole. The metamorphosis from one to the other is most compelling.
What does his family and other friends have to say? Her family?
You don’t have to agree with what he’s doing to be supportive of him. Once you’ve told him, tactfully, how you feel about it (and we’ll assume that doesn’t include negative descriptions of his lady or lurid predictions of dire consequences) then the only thing left to do is be there for him. Knowing you care about him, even though you disagree with this decision, may make it easier for him to admit that he’s in trouble down the road. If indeed he is. Much better in the long run than turning your back on him now and leaving him to his fate.
